My neighbours are always listening to loud music

whether they want to or not.

My neighbours want me to come over for a threesome

I told them I might be bi later.

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My neighbours are complaining about my loud groans during sex in the mornings.If . . .

they only knew its me putting my socks on!

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A woman goes to visit her neighbour...

... and says she caught her daughter and the neighbours son wrestling.

"Well," the mother of the son says "It's only natural for them to explore sexuality at that age."

"Sexuality?!" The first woman cries, "She powerbombed him through a flaming table!"

I'm hiding in my Finnish Neighbours shed, waiting to jump out and surprise him.

It's like a sauna in here.

Someone stole my newspaper this morning, so I quickly sneaked next door and took my neighbours.

Now that I've calmed down, I think kidnap may have been excessive.

‌‌My L‌‌esbian neighbours Jane a‌‌nd Caroline a‌‌sked m‌‌e t‌‌o h‌‌elp t‌‌hem c‌‌onceive a‌‌ c‌‌hild r‌‌ecently.

They s‌‌aid t‌‌hey w‌‌ouldn't m‌‌ind i‌‌f w‌‌e d‌‌id i‌‌t t‌‌he o‌‌ld f‌‌ashioned w‌‌ay a‌‌s t‌‌hey w‌‌ere desperate to have a baby.

For s‌‌ix m‌‌onths n‌‌ow w‌‌e've b‌‌een t‌‌rying b‌‌ut I‌‌ j‌‌ust d‌‌on't h‌‌ave t‌‌he h‌‌eart t‌‌o t‌‌ell t‌‌hem I‌‌ h‌‌ad a‌‌ v‌‌asectomy l‌‌ast y‌‌ear.

Jack and John decided to go skiing.

They loaded up their mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door,if they could spend the night.

"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have thi...

A woman was with her boyfriend in her bedroom when she heard her husband coming up the front door.

In a panic she told her boyfriend “Hurry, stand in the corner and do not move until I tell you to. Just shut your eyes and pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this, honey?” Her husband asked walking into the room.

“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “Our neighbour...

My new neighbours listen to Metallica really loud all hours of the night!

I mean, they may not want to, but they do.

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The neighbour’s dog crapped in our garden, so my wife told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.

I don’t see what that solved. We’ve still got dog poo in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.

During lockdown my next door neighbours 4 year old started learning Spanish.

He still can’t say ‘Please’ though, which is poor for four.

Pyotr is a poor serf in Tsarist Russia... (Wife's favourite joke)

...tilling his field one day, he unearths a lamp. As he starts to rub off the dirt, a genie comes flying out and in a great, booming voice, says, "Pyort Petrovich, you have freed me! Fortunate you are, for I shall grant you any wish your heart desires!"

Pyort thinks a moment and says, "No, I ...

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Two parents want to have sex

Their 7 years old son was in the room, so they tell him to go on the balcony to play with his toys

After the boy leaves they start having fun, after about 10 minutes the husband says:

-We should talk to him while he's on the balcony, i don't want him to feel alone

-Yeah, you're ...

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My neighbours made a sex tape

But, they don't just know it yet

One of my next-door neighbours is a 90-year-old man suffering from Alzheimer’s.

Every single morning at 9 a.m. he knocks on my door and he asks me if I have seen his wife. Which means that every single morning at 9 a.m. I have to explain to a 90-year-old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now, I’ve thought about moving. I’ve thought ...

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A man has a chat with his neighbour across the road about the neighbour needing help with their back garden...

When the two finish their conversation, the man agrees to help the neighbour with his garden, and when they finish the job, the neighbour will pay the man.

The next day comes and the man comes back from the neighbours house all puffed out and tired, he sits down on the couch and calls his fr...

I helped my neighbours install clappers

There must be something wrong with them because they were flickering on and off all night

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Two neighbours go to the doctors checkup for the obligatory militairy service

They both hoped to be rejected, but are perfectly fine man. As he was about to enter the room, one neighbour said to the other: wait me out, I'm gonna be rejected.

So 10 minutes later the guy came out and guess what. Rejected.

"Rejected? For what?"

"I just shoved 100 bucks up ...

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A farmer passing by his neighbours barn saw a strange sight inside

The farmer peered inside the barn door and there was his neighbour dancing around and taking off his clothes in front of an old John Deere. He knocks on the barn door, walks in and asks him why he’s stripping and dancing in his barn. The neighbour says that him and his wife have been having trouble ...

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What's fake, chats shit, riles up his neighbours and has the strongest army ever seen?

Gandhi from civilisation 3.

My new neighbours are the worst

They scream at eachother all day

Worst part is they’re yelling in Chinese.

I don’t even know whose side I’m on!

Guy and his comforter.

A newly married guy from a village went back to the city for his job. He went alone so that he could make living arrangements for him and his wife and then he'd take his wife as well. Once he got a decent apartment, he wrote a letter to his father in the village saying that father, please send my wi...

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.

The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.

The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car ...

One night, my dog brings me my neighbour’s rabbit, dead in its mouth.

It’s dirty, definitely dead and I’m a bit drunk so I panic. My neighbours hate me anyway. This could get me evicted.

So I take the rabbit, meticulously wash off the dirt and dry it. Then I sneak over the fence and put it back in it’s hutch, leaving no trace. Job well done.

My neighbour...

My two British neighbours had their donkey escape from the barn, and are desperately looking for it.

They are assless chaps.

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A man and a woman are on a golf course

The wife struck the golf ball so hard that it went to the neighbours house and they heard a crash like it broke something.

Embarrassed and apologetic, they go over to the neighbours house and let themselves in.

They see a broken vase on the ground and a man standing near it.

Bef...

Three brothers and the lights

Three brothers are arguing about whom will turn the lights off. The first orders the second, and the second orders the third to turn the lights off. In the end they agreed if someone talks he’d turn the lights off.

Days past and the neighbours are starting to get worried about them so they d...

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