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Reunited Jokes

The cast of Friends has reunited to open a DVD shop

A man walks in and says, “My Netflix subscription just ran out. Do you have the latest season of You?”

The staff points to a corner of the shop and says, “Aisle B there for You.”

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

My son wrote to Santa Claus asking him for his divorced parents to be reunited

What a terrible way to find out Santa isn't real

Eldarion, son of Aragorn, High King of the Reunited Kingdom, was bored.

In a time of peace, there was not much to do, and he was long tired of his jesters. So he called for all of his subordinates, and announced a new prestigious title to which all are given candidacy; the title of “Duke of the Best Joke”.

 

Not wanting to disappoint, Finance Mini...

Two identical twins that were separated at birth were asked how they reunited

Well, one said, “we met online and immediately noticed many physical similarities”

The other chimed in “ we both mentioned in our bio how we never actually met our parents”

“It was quite a strange coincidence that we met, huh”

“Yeah, grinder is a wonder, isn’t it?”

Did you hear about the Vietnamese man who won the lottery and was reunited with his lost dog on the very same day?

It was a Nguyen- Nguyen situation.

Three men were stranded on a desert island, and they found a magic lamp.

Three men were stranded on a desert island, and they found a magic lamp. When they rubbed the lamp, a genie appeared and offered them each one wish.
The first man said, "I wish I were rich and famous."

The genie granted his wish, and he was suddenly transported to Hollywood, where he becam...

An old man used to call his wife "mother of six" since they had 6 children and this nickname kinda annoyed her

"Mother of six, could you bring my coffe?" He would yell to her from the living room.

"Mother of six, is dinner ready?" He would say every night just to mess with her, as he laughed.

She was becoming really angry at him because of this unwanted nickname, until Thanksgiving, where the ...

Three men were stranded on a desert island

They had been there for many years and had become good friends. One day a lamp washed up on shore and out popped a genie. The genie looked at them and decided to grant each of them one wish.

Without hesitation, the first man practically screamed; "I wish I was back home with my family!". Po...

The merry widow dies and goes to heaven

When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was bur...

An Arab and a Texan find a lamp

An Arab and a Texan were walking along when they find a lamp. They decide to clean it up, and a genie pops out.
Genie: mortals you each may have one wish
The Arab thinks for a while then speaks
"I wish that the Arab nations were once again reunited under one rule. That all the foreigners we...

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US Forces have just liberated thousands of ISIS sex slaves...

All the goats and other livestock are being moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their farmers.

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A wife who was a bit of a nag died suddenly after 25 years Of marriage. . .

On the day of the funeral the pall bearers were carrying the coffin followed by the grieving husband. They were leaving the church after the service when one of them slipped a bit knocking the coffin into the corner of a wall and jarring it rather suddenly. A moment after they did so, they began to...

A Cardiologist's Funeral

A great cardiologist is being buried. All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a funer...

Three men die with a smile on their faces.

The Vicar (V) speaks with the widows (W*) of the deceased men during the service. He walks up to the first widow.

V: “What happened to your husband?”

W1: “Well we always dreamed of winning the lottery and we finally won after 15 years of playing. He suffered a heart attack but died ha...

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You must pass two tests, or die

Three explorers were bushwhacking their way through darkest Africa when they came upon an undiscovered tribe of cannibals.

The Chief informed them that they must each pass two important tests, or they would be eaten.

They were told for test number one, they must go into th...

German Refugee

A refugee is sitting in the street in Berlin, bemoaning his life, when suddenly, a genie appears.

"I'm the socialist, liberal genie," says he, "and I'm here to grant you three wishes."

The refugee says "You see this gap in my teeth? I want it fixed." No sooner does he say that, that he...

Bruce Springsteen...

after a long successful life finally dies and goes to Heaven. St Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and says, "Bruce! We're so glad you're finally here! God's a big fan, you know."

Bruce, of course, is flabbergasted. "Really?"

"You bet! In fact, he's arranged to have the whole E ...

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A joke translated from Russian

A young man goes to a collective farm to work as a vet. The chairman of the farm greets him and tells him he already has three vets.

"But I'm special, Comrade Chairman," says the young man, "I understand the language of the animals."

"No shit," says the chairman, "why don't you show me...

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A plane crashes in a jungle

and three guys are the only survivors. They have to walk out of the jungle to civilization. While they are walking they hear "Foo Foo" and a big blob of shit lands on one guy's head. He is disgusted and brushes it off. He immediately falls over dead. The other two guys are freaked out, but they hav...

Jesus is wandering through the desert

Jesus is wandering through the desert, desperately seeking his father. It has been 40 days and 40 nights since he last rested or had a meal and he is exhausted.

Just as he thinks he can't take it any more, he sees a figure on the distant horizon. He manages to summon up the energy to stumble ...

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So a horse is watching MTV...

So this horse is watching MTV. This is in the 90s where MTV actually had music on it. Anyway, the horse sees a segment on Jimi Hendrix, and decides there and then he wants to become an internationally-acclaimed guitar player (because, as we all know, all horses are left-handed).

So this horse...

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