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Ranch Hand Jokes

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A young ranch hand receives his first paycheck

A whopping $1.50. He immediately runs to the nearest brothel and asks the head maiden what he can do with a buck fifty...
She dubiously eyes him.
“I don’t have anything that cheap.”
“Please!” He begs “it’s my first time!”
Taking pity she says
“Well, there’s a chicken out back...”...

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A man owned a small ranch in Montana,

One day the labor department got a tip he wasn’t paying proper wages to his employees so they sent an investigator to find out what’s going on.

“Please tell me how many employees you have and how much you pay them”, the investigator asked the rancher.

The rancher replied, “my ranch ...

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A city slicker goes to visit a cattle ranch in Montana one day.

He meets the chief ranch hand who takes him on a tour of the place.

"Here we keep the heifers," he says. "They have this huge pasture to roam and feed until they're ready for market."

"Interesting," the city guy says. "What about the bulls?"

"They're across the way over there," ...

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A Joke About A Ranch

An amatuer rancher has 3 chickens, 2 hens, 5 cows, 2 bulls, 4 sheep, and 6 buffalo.

One day, him and his ranch hand went to the market to get ranch supplies, but they left their back door wide open.

When they got back, they walked inside and found a huge mess.

The furniture was ...

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A business man

A business man got tired of his boring office job and decided on a change in lifestyle. He quit his job the next day and decided to work on a ranch. He was set to the menial task of setting and building fence along the property line. Working alongside the other ranch hands all day, he noticed one fe...

An elderly man goes to his bank to get a loan.

The associate, a long time friend of his, greets him with a hearty handshake and asks him what the loan is for.

The man replies, "Well, I'm getting a mail-order bride, and I'd like to upgrade my ranch for her arrival."

"Well, how old will your bride be?"

"She'll be 23 when she ...

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The Saloon NSFW

After a long night on the ranch this Ranch Hand decides to go to the saloon. When he gets there he realizes all his favorites are taking for the night so he ask the barkeep

"hey is there anyone free at the moment".

the barkeep replies

"all I got right now son is old granny". <...

A farmer with a pet sheep has a serious problem...

The sheep is in heat and damaging the house. His daughter loves the sheep and he has no male sheep at all.
Considering the problem he decides on a solution and asks a young worker on his crew, who is a good lad but none too bright if he would be willing to “take care of” Bessie the sheep for $500...

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Sheep Farmers

There's these two old sheep farmers who have been working on this farm for decades. They hire a new ranch hand and after a few weeks he comes to the old men and is a little nervous.

The young ranch hand says "Guys, I don't want to be crass or anything but I haven't been with a woman in a rea...

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Hammer time

John the ranch hand is told to team up with Annie the young college girl helping out over the summer. They have been meanding fences in the foothills for a few days so they've got a donkey with them with a tool pack and supplies strapped on its back since the terrain is too rough to get a vehicle ...

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The tale of Old Joe

There once was a man named Paul who, after some trouble with the law, found himself homeless behind a fast food joint just outside of Wichita, Kansas. He stayed there for a few days, drinking from the bathroom sinks and eating scraps from the trash, when an old rancher named Joe found him and took p...

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