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A libertarian, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar. How do you know which is which?

Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you.

At my workplace, there's a forklift that we all call "The Libertarian"

The steering doesn't work properly, so whenever you try to use it, it immediately makes a hard right and breaks something important.

Why did the libertarian cross the road

He didn’t. Because roads are paid with taxes and taxation is theft.

Libertarian Paradise...

People often criticize a libertarian paradise saying that the homeless people would just be left to die in the gutter. This is of course complete bull. The gutter would be private property and the homeless will need to find somewhere else to die.

How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The free market will change it for us.

Libertarian knock-knock joke. Ahem. "Knock, knock!"

"Get a warrant."

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

Q: Why did the libertarian cross the road?

A: None of your business. Am I being detained?!

A libertarian vote walks out of a bar ...

... and goes, "God, I'm wasted."

What do Libertarians call Tic Tacs?

Tics, because they’re against tacses

Today I had Libertarian salad.

Lettuce alone!

Why did the libertarian cross the road?

What road?

Gary Johnson withdraws from the Libertarian Ticket. Replaced by Harambe.

That's right. Johnsons out for Harambe!

What does the libertarian computer programmer say?

All fields should be private.

What's the difference between a libertarian wedding and a libertarian funeral?

One less opinion

How do we know Milo Yiannopoulos isn't a libertarian?

Libertarians don't drive slow in school zones.

what did the libertarian say after I changed his flat tire?

I did it all by myself, without any help from anyone.

Three politicians and little Johnny are walking down the street.

There's a republican, a democrat and a libertarian walking on one side of the street and little Johnny on the other. They come across a horribly dilapidated bridge, looking like it's about to collapse.

"We should raise taxes and have some company fix it. Then everybody will be able to use it ...

Man walks into an ice cream shop.

A man walked into a small, locally-owned ice cream shop. So small, in fact, that the owner of the shop was working the counter that day. He had the following conversation with the owner;

**Man:** Hi, I'd like a single scoop of chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone, and give me a whole bunc...

A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar.

Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?

What do you call a person with an elephant as a father and a donkey as a mother?

A libertarian.

There is a man drowning 100 feet from shore and is crying for help.......

A Democrat shows up and throws him 200 feet of rope. The excess rope weighs the victim down and he drowns.

A Republican shows up and throws out 50 feet of rope and demands that the victim take some responsibility for himself and swim to the rope. He can’t and drowns.

A libertarian show...

A communist tells his friend before going to bed, "I'm going to take a nap."

He wakes up as a libertarian.

Lightbulbs

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*One, as long as it's someone else's bulb.*

How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*None, the invisible hand of the market will screw it in.*

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lig...

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