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Libertarian Jokes

Libertarian Paradise...

People often criticize a libertarian paradise saying that the homeless people would just be left to die in the gutter. This is of course complete bull. The gutter would be private property and the homeless will need to find somewhere else to die.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A libertarian, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar. How do you know which is which?

Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you.

At my workplace, there's a forklift that we all call "The Libertarian"

The steering doesn't work properly, so whenever you try to use it, it immediately makes a hard right and breaks something important.

What do libertarians and house cats have in common?

They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.

Today I had Libertarian salad.

Lettuce alone!

A libertarian walks into a bar. . .

The barman serves him tainted alcohol because there are no regulations.

He dies.

What's the difference between a libertarian wedding and a libertarian funeral?

One less opinion

How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We don’t know. Due to a lack of building regulations, they keep dying from electrocutions.

Why did the Libertarian cross the road?

None of your damn business. Am I being detained?

My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships.

And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.

What's the difference between a British SUV and a Libertarian?

One's a Land Rover and the other's a Rand Lover

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

What do Libertarians call Tic Tacs?

Tics, because they’re against tacses

Why did the libertarian cross the road?

What road?

The Pizza boy arrives a Libertarian meeting

\* Knock Knock\*

# GET A WARRANT!

A libertarian vote walks out of a bar ...

... and goes, "God, I'm wasted."

What does the libertarian computer programmer say?

All fields should be private.

what did the libertarian say after I changed his flat tire?

I did it all by myself, without any help from anyone.

There is a man drowning 100 feet from shore and is crying for help.......

A Democrat shows up and throws him 200 feet of rope. The excess rope weighs the victim down and he drowns.

A Republican shows up and throws out 50 feet of rope and demands that the victim take some responsibility for himself and swim to the rope. He can’t and drowns.

A libertarian show...

How do we know Milo Yiannopoulos isn't a libertarian?

Libertarians don't drive slow in school zones.

Did you hear about the bar for West African bookstore workers with anti government views?

Liberian Libertarian Librarian Libations

Three politicians and little Johnny are walking down the street.

There's a republican, a democrat and a libertarian walking on one side of the street and little Johnny on the other. They come across a horribly dilapidated bridge, looking like it's about to collapse.

"We should raise taxes and have some company fix it. Then everybody will be able to use it ...

A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar.

Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?

Lightbulbs

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*One, as long as it's someone else's bulb.*

How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*None, the invisible hand of the market will screw it in.*

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lig...

What do you call a person with an elephant as a father and a donkey as a mother?

A libertarian.

A communist tells his friend before going to bed, "I'm going to take a nap."

He wakes up as a libertarian.

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