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Procrastinating Jokes

What do you call a procrastinating comedian?

Uhh I don't know, I'll come up with the punch line later

Somebody spray painted "procrastinating prick!" on the side of my house.

When I find out who did it, their years are numbered.

How to stop procrastinating

I'll tell you tomorrow

I bought a book on "How to Stop Procrastinating".

I'll read it later.

What do you call a procrastinating bee?

A should be.

Procrastinators are constantly mad at themselves about how they keep procrastinating and telling themselves that they'll "do better tomorrow"

But that's a story for another day

Why do Germans believe in procrastinating?

Because a stitch in time saves nein.

What did the procrastinating spider say to the fly?

Catch ya later!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Procrastinating is like masturbating

It's fun at first, but when all is said and done, you've just fucked yourself.

I was thinking about procrastinating today.

But I think I’ll do it tomorrow

I'm procrastinating so much, I'm going to kill myself

...later

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Procrastinating is like masturbating

It feels great until you realize you're just fucking yourself.

My doctor tells me I'm addicted to procrastinating.

It's not true, though - I can start whenever I want!

I really need to practice not procrastinating

I guess I’ll do it later though

I need stop procrastinating with drugs

I just gotta sit down

and finally

do them.

Procrastinating?!

Don't even get me started!

I bought the book titled "How to beat procrastination" to fix my procrastinating habit.

It's been 5 months already and I haven't opened that book yet.

I'm not procrastinating...

....I have plenty of time left.


- courtesy of my 12 year old son.

If there was a pill that made you stop procrastinating

I would probably take it tomorrow

What do you say to a math problem that you're procrastinating from?

Calculater.

How do you break the law by procrastinating?

Resisting a rest

Heard about the movie about a procrastinating closeted man?

It's coming out eventually.

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