This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sorting out my shit for me! [Long]

Moe owns a bar, and he has been finding it really hard to manage the bar and take care of his personal life. Things are just piling up and getting on top of him. Recently his Aunt got divorced and so she has been sitting at the end of the bar drinking away his profits, his Rottweiler Chomper has jus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.



"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," the man says.
"Okay," says the de...

“I know this is difficult for you ma’am, but we need to know exactly how you were tortured by the accused. You said that after the hot poker came the pliers pulling out your toenails, but each time you start to tell us the final torture, you break down. Now take a deep breath, & tell the court...”

“Well”, she sobbed, “before he let me go [sob] he made me... he made me........ watch ‘Holmes and Watson’ twice in one sitting”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is passing through a small town when he decides to visit the local bar.

He walks up to the counter where he notices a large jar filled to the brim with $5 bills. Curious, the man asks the bartender about the jar. The bartender tells him “here in our lil town of ours we ain’t got much goin’ on. So we decided to host a series of challenges here. Anyone can take on the cha...

When my sister was younger

She had a tooth come out, I managed to get to the tooth before our mom or dad got to it, and along with a quarter I left a note that said,


"Dear *****, I left a quarter for your tooth this time, but next time I'm bringing the pliers. HAHAHAHAHA!!!".


The screams I heard the ne...

Three men sat around a table in a bar and talked about their wives.

The first man says, "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician. When I got home last night I found a pair of pliers and some insulating tape behind the radiator in the bedroom - we've not had any work done on the house, and I can't think of any other way they could have got there".
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob the repairman has come to repair a septic tank, along with his apprentice, Jim.

When he arrives, he puts on a pair of goggles and dives in the shit, while Jim stands nearby, holding the toolbag.

5 minutes later, he lifts his head out of the shit and tells Jim: "Hey, you idiot, give me a flat-headed screwdriver"

Jim hands him the screwdriver and Bob dives again in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - Long - A man takes a trip to a bar in Florida

While drinking, the Bartender tells the man that they have a local challenge, which no one has ever actually successfully completed. However, the prize is free liquor from that bar for the rest of the man's life. The man, never one to back down, decides to bite, and asks the Bartender about the chal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man walks into a bar...

He orders a beer, the bartender charges him $3.50, takes the $3 and puts it in the register, and puts the $0.50 in a large jar on the counter.

The guy finishes his beer and orders another. Again, he pays $3.50, $3 goes in the register, and the change into the jar.

Now it's a friday nig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tech support call.

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not in...

Two English men and an Irish man are in a bar.

The first English man says "I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician, I found a pair of pliers under our bed."

The second English man says "My wife is cheating on me with a plumber, I found a pipe under our bed."

The Irish man looks at both English men and says "Well my wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...

A mathematician and an engineer got a task:

They were given a plank with two nails; one hammered half way and one hammered all the way. There were asked to remove the nails from the plank.

The engineer didn't think much of it, grabbed pliers and quickly took both nails out.

The mathematician after some thought said:

"The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is lost in the forest and stumbles upon a hotel.

Tired, lost and hungry; a John has been wandering through the woods for what has felt like days. He stumbles upon a strange house and feels a deep sense of relief as he notices a light is on.

He knocks and a peculiar looking old man opens the door.

"Please. Please. I am lost and hungry...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voodoo Dick.

A man was going to go off on a business trip for two weeks. Not wanting to leave his wife wanting, he decided to get something to keep her "satisfied".

He spotted an adult store and decided to check it out. Walking around the store, he saw all sorts of toys and gadgets of pleasure. Dildos ...

A man walks into...

a bar, and immediately walks up to the bar. He notices a large jar of cash placed on the bar that is oozing 20 dollar bills. He asks the bartender what it is for. To which the bartender replies; "It is the challenge jar. If you're feelin' froggy you can place a 20 in there, and I'll give you three c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 of Them

A bloke is pottering about in his garage,changing his fan belt on his car,when little Johnny from next door walks in and say's "do ya mind if I watch ya Mr?"

"No not at all" replies the bloke and gets a spanner from his toolbox.

Little Johnny say's "My dad's got 2 of them ya know!"
...

What do you call two Filipino pilots?

A pair of pliers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

...And sees a jar full of $10 bills on the counter. "What's that for?" he asks the bartender. The guy behind the counter replies: "We have a contest going on, to take part you gotta drop $10 in the jar. You then drink a shot of tequila, and go outside in the back. There's a huge Rottweiler with a ro...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.