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Picky Jokes

How picky are rabbits about their weddings?

Oh, they're not picky at all! They just want their rings to have several carats.

I am very picky when it comes to women

Unfortunately, women are pretty picky too.

She says she's picky

I told her I'm bony, and that I just might have a bone she can pick with me

I've never understood picky eaters...

you won't eat a tomato but you'll put someones unwashed genitals in your mouth.

The picky princess and Peasant John

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom ruled by a kind but ageing king. This king had a single daughter, beautiful and clever, but incredibly picky regarding suitors.
At first, the king entertained many foreign princes and young nobles, seeking the hand of his daughter in marriage. However, the pr...

After her divorce, Susan was very picky about her dates. Finally she met a talented and funny young gynecologist.

He checked a lot of boxes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are cheap dudes picky on prostitutes?

Because they want the best bang for their buck.

I bought a pet snake. He’s a very picky eater. Only eats burgers, hot dogs, and sloppy joes.

Apparently, my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hon.

What did the picky cow say?

Mewww.

I am extremely picky about what I eat.

Everything I eat must absolutely be describable with a word that begins with "F". It must also must also end with "D". And finally, it should have two "O"'s in it. I simply will not eat anything that does not meet my minimum criteria.

Choirs tend to be less picky when auditioning basses, since there aren't as many of them

Just another example of special treatment for vocal minorities

What do cannibal parents tell their kids when they become picky eaters?

Eat the vegetables

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pope is just as picky about his music, as he is about his sexual candidates

The key to both is A minor.

Conversation between dad and son about girls

Young boy: I don't like girls
Dad: That'll change when you're older
Young boy: So girls get less annoying?
Dad: No, you get less picky

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The penis requested a wage raise from his company one day

He presented the following arguments to justify his request:

"Dear Board, I, as the penis, request a raise due to following reasons:

1. I work hard physically.
2. I always use my head in every job I do.
3. I work in both deep and superficial environments.
4. My working environ...

I can use some help with some painting . . .

A man looking for food and shelter comes upon a cozy house on a nice, small farm.

When the farmer answers the door, the man asks him, “Can you spare me something to eat? I haven’t eaten in several days and I'm not picky.”

The farmer says, “I never give anything away for free. I can giv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Hindu, a Jew and a lawyer are traveling, taking a scenic route through the country when their car breaks down...

It's too late in the day to call a tow truck, so they walk up the road to a small farmhouse to ask for help.

They knock on the door and the farmer warmly greets them. They explain the situation and he says that he doesn't have he necessary equipment to tow them, but if they would like to sta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Eve: “That’s it?”

Adam: “This is literally the biggest dick on earth Eve. Stfu and stop being picky”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunter brings home a deer he shot, and is preparing it for dinner.

His small kids ask what kind of meat they are going to eat, but he won't tell them - because they are picky eaters. The kids eat the venison, but keep asking him throughout dinner what it is, and he won't tell them.

When they are nearly finished, his daughter asks again, and this time the gu...

What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion

I feel bad for my mail man and hope he finds a boyfriend soon

He doesn't seem too picky or anything, he's just looking for any outgoing male.

What's a Mexicans favorite drink?

They aren't picky as long as it doesn't have ICE

I walked into the guitar shop & couldn't decide which plectrum to get

The guy at the counter: Why are you so picky?

Me: Don't come at me with that plucky attitude

Dad: Let's go home don't pick a fight

A man walks into a bar and orders a rum and Coke...

The bartender says to the man "sorry, but is Pepsi okay?"

The man, having had a long day at work and needing a drink decided not to be picky

"Sure, why not" he said, then paid for his drink

The bartender fixed up the drink and handed it over

"Here you go," he said, "Pepsi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Mom brings her son to the doctor because of his diet

Mom: please help doctor. He’s such a picky eater!

Doctor: what are his favorite foods?

Mom: he only eats one thing: rump roast steak between two sesame buns

The doctor pauses to think then says, “Yes I’ve seen this before...sounds like Ass Burgers.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The king was looking for a prince to marry his only daughter.

Naturally the king was very picky and decided to devise a set of tests only the bravest, storngest and most feirce would even dare.

Princes from all around the world showed up and the tests begun.
After a growling month where more then half didn't even survive, a clear winner came forward...

How do you make a squid laugh?

Well, some say ten tickles. That honestly depends on the squid itself though, as some can be picky with what works and what doesn't. But sometimes - roaming in that deep blue sea as they eat their feed - they will see this sub floating to the top and that seems to do the trick.

[meta] Flair for jokes (a suggestion to the mods)

I had an idea occur to me, how about offer flair for jokes so that it can be tagged as an oldie but a goody or heard it from a friend or thought of this one myself, because some people seem like theyve heard a lot of stuff and complain every time they heard it again. It would help you not get let do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a beaver god, named Buck...

Buck owned a store that sold houses to other beaver gods. Buck was very picky about who can and can't come into the store, so he stood by the door every day to make sure that only beaver gods came in.

One day, dog god named Susan walked into the store with her pet donkey, Harry. Susan always ...

Job application...

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him....

NAME - Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here i...

A young man was going to be married

so he asked his father if he could give his fiance his deceased mother's ring. This was fine with the father.

The father decided to have it appraised for insurance purposes. He asked a lady friend who was a well-known jeweler to do the appraisal; she accepted, and said that her fee would be s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks.

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blended Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.<...

So a wealthy Texan's son is getting married...

...and his son asks if he can give his deceased mother's ring to his bride. His father is all for this, and someone suggests that he have it appraised for insurance purposes.

The father has a lady friend who is a professional appraiser, so he invites her to look at the ring. She agrees, and s...

A man passed a shop,where he saw a sign, "Magic Vulture for Sale"

Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.

The salesman replied, "This vulture has special powers. Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier will give you 90% off!"

"Really? How much does it cost?"

"A million dollars."

The man balked a...

The World Expert on Wasps

A man was walking down a quiet street, when something caught his eye in the window of a charity shop. He wandered over to take a closer look, then smiled to himself, nodded, and entered the shop.

He walked up to the counter and said to the man serving there, "Is that record in the window real...

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