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Presumptuous Jokes

A Muslim, a Hindu and a lawyer are travelling through the desert…

They’ve tried to make good time in their travels, but find that night will fall before they can make it to the next town. Luckily they find a farm nearby, and they ask the farmer if they can stay for the night. When he agrees, not wanting to impose too much, they set their sleeping rolls in his barn...

My son started calling me by my first name. I said, “That’s a bit presumptuous. Call me Dad.”

He said, “Now who’s being presumptuous?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A New Zealander walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says....

"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was ta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man begins to have a mid-life crisis

One night while the man is having sex with his girlfriend he decides that he needs to mix things up. Without saying a word he decides to try anal sex. The man's girlfriend looks up at him with a scowl on her face, "that's a little presumptuous don't you think?" The man angrily replies, "well don't y...

A guy is making out with a girl and things are going well...

When he thinks, "hey things are going my way quickly, so screw second base, I'm going for third."

He tries, but the girl backs off, and she says "wow, that's a little presumptuous don't you think?"

The man replies "Presumptuous? That's a pretty big word for an 8-year-old..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer's wife walks into the bedroom and finds a goat in bed next to her husband

And he says, "This is the cow I fuck whenever you're not in the mood."

She says to him, "If you weren't so damn stupid, you'd know that was a goat."

And he says to her, "If you weren't so damn presumptuous, you'd know I was talking to the goat."

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