One sunny day in January 2021, an older man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a parch bench

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with president trump." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, trump is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same old ...

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

A man gets shipwrecked at sea

After what felt like days floating on wreckage he washes up on an unknown shore.

He starts to wander around the beautiful land, the air smelled sweeter than any air he’d ever breathed, everything looked clearer than real life. His hunger suddenly hits him and he wished for a big sandwich and...

A King is thirsty

During a royal party, the king finds himself parched.

Rather than ask one of his many servants for a beverage, he thinks back to his more humble years, when he would fetch things for himself.

The king decides he will get up and get the drink himself.
As he approaches the concessions...

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An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in...

A cowboy rides his horse into a small town

A cowboy rides his horse into a small town. His throat is parched, so he ties his horse to a pole next to a bar and goes in for a drink. He comes out a few minutes later, and someone already stole his horse.

The people of the town are looking to see his reaction, they aren’t even discreet a...

Freud walks into a bar.

"I'll bet $100 that I can outdrink anybody in this bar!" he declares.

"Well clearly you have an ego", says the barman. "I'll allow the contest but first I need to see some id."

"Oh OK", replies Freud. "I'll have a glass of water please, I'm parched."

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and he is completely parched. He sits at the bar, pats his pockets and realises he's left his wallet at home. He calls to the bartender,

"Hey pal, I've left my wallet at home but hey... tell you what, if I can show you something incredible, will you give me a free beer...

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

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[NSFW] Go home...

Bill the Giant, who's known to be a cruel brawler with a short temper sits at the bar.

A drunk, skin-and-bone old guy approaches Bill and grins, saying "I fucked your mom and it was so good."

People at the bar quickly move away not to be in the way of Bill's wrath but strangely, Bill s...

The monkey and the lizard

A lizard was walking through the jungle one day when he spotted a monkey up in a tree. The lizard called, "Hey Monkey, what are you doing up there?" to which the monkey replied, "Dude, I'm smoking pot...wanna join me?" The lizard agrees, and he and the monkey spend the next few hours getting stoned ...

An old man lay dying in his bed.

In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself ...

A priest, a bishop, and the Pope are enjoying a leisurely day of fishing...

...when the bishop stands up, rocking their dinghy a little as he stretches. "Well, I'm parched!" he announces. "Back in a verse," he adds before stepping out of the boat, casually walking across the lake to the cooler. *Amazing, he is truly blessed by the Lord to walk across water,* thinks the Pope...

2 men were lost in the desert

Their car broke down and they were wandering for hours. It's midday and the sun was scorching hot. They're lost, hungry and their throat were parched. In the distance they saw a huge mosque.

Man 1: Let's pretend to be Muslims and they'll give us food and water.

Man 2: You go ahead and...

Young Billy Finally Lands a Date for the Prom

He really wants to impress her, so he decides to rent a tux. However, when he gets to the rental place, people are queued up out the door. He doesn't let this stop him, though. He takes his place in line and gets to waiting.

Finally, after waiting for over an hour, he gets fitted and pays for...

Trekking through the Desert

Two Englishmen and a Bedouin guide are trekking through the desert. The sun is beating down and the throats are parched and their lips are dry and cracked when one of the Englishmen notice that the Bedouin's lips look fine - no chapping, no cracking, nothing. He asks, how do you keep your lips from ...

A man goes to a party with his friend where you can serve your own drinks by using the drink dispensers,

He is having fun, enjoying the night but he becomes more and more parched as the night goes on.

He decides to get a drink from one of the many drink dispensers available. He wanders around for a bit until deciding on a gin, then would go and add some tonic to it. As he’s waiting in line he lo...

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Billy really wanted to ask Suzy to the prom but he was so nervous he waited until the day before to ask her...

He walks up to Suzy in the hall and says "Suzy, I know it's the day before, but... Would you go to the prom with me?"
Suzy is surprised, and a little taken back, "I didn't think you were going to ask me. Yes, I would love to go with you!"
"Really?! Oh boy, ok!" And our hero Billy runs off to...

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A walk on the beach

On my first (and so far only) visit to Hawaii, I was staying at a beautiful little cottage outside Hilo. There's a neat little place called Uncle's Awa Club, where they hold a farmer's market, live music, food of all kinds... Right in the lava zone, very remote.

I'd read about one of the boot...

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Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

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The tale of Louise.

Once upon a time there was a 7-year-old girl named Louise. Now from a young age Louise had always had an interest in science. Someday she wanted to be an astronaut, to pilot a spaceship, and to explore alien worlds, but she didn't have time for any of those things. You see, Louise's family owned thi...

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Prom Night

Jimmy and Jessica are both seniors in high school, and prom is approaching. They've been dating for two years, and Jimmy wants to make sure that everything goes perfectly for Jessica; he really wants the night to be special and wants to pull out all the stops. Being that prom is only a month away, h...

The old man, the prince, and the fish.

Once upon a time, there was a prince of a certain land, who wanted to be a lowly fisherman when he grew up. But try as he could, he couldn't ever catch a single fish. He had tried many methods, including nets, spears, and traps, but all to no avail.

Furthermore, he was looked down upon by the...

4th of July Alcohol puns: American Heroes edition.

So this all started with Abraham Drinkin.

Help us come up with more. It has to be a character from American History to celebrate today as well as some sort of alcohol theme.

Here's what we have so far (some are better than others) :

Abraham Drinkin

John Wilkes Booze
...

A bunch of sausages are smoking around a poker table

A bunch of sausages are smoking around a poker table. Suddenly the door slams open and a salami walks in.


"You look parched my friend, would you like a drink?" Asks one of the sausages.


"No thankyou" says the salami "I don't drink".


"Join us for a smoke then" replies...

A Day in the Life of a Cheerio

One day in Cheerio City, an ordinary young Cheerio started his day. He decided to get a job. He was nearing his sell by date and figured it was time. There are three social classes in Cheerio City: the Regulars, the Wheats, and the Frosteds. The young Cheerio was simply a Regular and had little to n...

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