This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got caught masturbating to an optical illusion

I said "it's not what it looks like"

My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.

He said he would look into it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm really loving my new Note 20 Ultra, now with up to 5x optical zoom!

I can finally take a dick pic

Recently I've been learning how to draw optical illusions so I can surprise my girlfriend with one on her birthday.

Unfortunately she walked in and caught me practicing the other day.

Her: "What's that!"

Me: "I can explain...it's not what it looks like!"

So I heard there's a group of optometrists who founded a colony on an archipelago off the coast of Alaska, but the islands themselves are very weird to look at.

They're called the Optical Aleutians.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.

It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?"

It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Humans have a nerve that runs from the back of the eyes to the anus.

Its called the anal-optic nerve. If you don't believe me, try pulling a hair from your ass and it will bring a tear to your eyes.

How is a meditating monk and a fiber-optic cable similar?

Total internal reflection.

My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with optical illusions.

I told her, "Wait! This isn't what you think it is!"

"Hello, you here to talk to me about Dinosaurs?"

Answer the door and see that its a sale man from an internet service provider. They have stopped at my house ten times in the last year to tell me about the digging in my area and I decided to have some fun with them today. Here is the conversation from today:

Me: Hello, you here to talk to m...

My wife just visited an optical surgeon, so now she doesn’t need to wear glasses.

She called it an eye-opening experience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The anal optical nerve has been recently discovered.

It connects a person's anus to the back of their eye.

If you don't believe me, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the doctor about my negativity and he diagnosed me with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerve between my asshole and eyeballs...

It gives me a shitty outlook on life.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

I just bought a pair of glasses from Zenni Optical.

20/20 would buy again.

What material should you avoid using because it will make clothing too light?

fiber optics

My eye Dr. is an Eskimo

I guess you could say I'm seeing an optical Aleutian

3 guys at an archaeology conference

The first two guys are normal but the third one is from a place where people are silly, or at least that's the stereotype. Of course stereotypes are untrue and hurtful, but I need it for this joke to work.

Anyway, the first guy says, "We dug down 100 meters and discovered copper cables. This ...

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

What did the eye say to the annoying light?

You're really getting on my optic nerves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman gives birth to a baby boy with no eyelids.

The parents are, as expected, devastated by Their son’s deformity.
Fortunately, at the hospital is a world-renowned optical surgeon, who gives hope to the distraught couple. He can replace the infant’s eyelids with the skin that will be cut away when the newborn is circumcised, since it is as de...

What do the head of marketing for Metamucil and the head of Infrastructure at AT&T have in common?

Both are in charge of fiber optics.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

It's an overcast afternoon, so Jimmy sticks his hand out the window to see if it's raining...

As he does he's surprised when a glass eye lands in his open palm. Curious, he looks up and sees an attractive woman looking down from the balcony above.
"Um, is this yours?" he asks, holding up the optic.
"Yes, thank you!" she replies. "I'm Linda, can you bring it up for me?"
When Jim arri...

A man in a Mercedes-Benz picks a hitchiker up.

After a while, the hitchiker points at the Mercedes emblem and asks "What is that?"

The driver says "It's an optical sight. Every time I put someone in the crosshairs, I run them over. Here, look at this pedestrian". The driver pointed his car at the pedestrian, but turned away in the last mo...

A Tailor Had His Eyes Replaced With Yarn Balls...

...So now he has fiber optics.

We were sailing in the Bering Sea...

...the crew was tired. It was an extra bad day on the water. The wind was slicing through bringing the Soviet air russian across the deck. The waves towered higher and higher as the night grew darker. Fear began to set in. We had lost our way, the instruments had frozen and we were now sailing on a ...

What do you call an Eskimo optometrist?

...An optical Aleutian.





I actually made this one up.
But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.

Nurse walks into the doctors office and says: Doctor, there's a man here who says he's invisible.

Oh that's my pal Steve from the optics lab at DARPA. They're developing electromagnetic metamaterials to use in a cloaking device.

Tell him I can't see him now.

Hallucination

An optical delusion.

In the past

Russian scientists dug 1000 mtr deep and found a copper wire.
They concluded:
“1000 yrs back our ancestors were using copper cable technology”..

American scientists dug 2000 mtr deep and found optic fibre.
They concluded:
“2000 yrs back our ancestors were using optic fibre technol...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.