UPJOKE
liptonguejaworal cavityverbalizeopeningfacebeakverbaliseteethbuccal cavitymouthpieceorificecheektooth

Mouths Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mouths are the new boobs.

Only okay to expose them in public for the purpose of feeding.

The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas.

The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.

Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues, the disease wipes out 99% of humanity and desperate survivors are forced to live in...

...a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?

Fucking ugly

Why do hipsters always burn their mouths?

They eat their food before it gets cool!

Why do men fart more often than women?

Because women don't close their mouths long enough to build up the pressure.

To the people who don't cover their mouths when they cough.

You make me sick.

What do emo birds call their mouths?

What do emo birds call their mouths?

Bleaks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is it true that dogs have bacteria in their mouths that can cause infections?

And on an unrelated note, does anyone know where i can buy peanutbutter flavoured condoms?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name the origin of a famous quote.

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"





Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."





Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."





Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"





Aga...

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy was sitting in class...

The teacher decided that since it was Friday afternoon, and there was nothing left to do for the week, she'd let the students go home early if they could answer a question correctly.

The teacher said: "Okay class, which president said: 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself'?"
...

Why do some snowmen have brown mouths?

Not everyone can afford coal.

One sailor said to another, "Did you know that starfishes have mouths in the center of their bodies?"

"Yup," the other sailor nods, replying, "And mermaids use them as bras!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it…..

Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school.

“The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead” he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable.

He then holds up a finger and says, “you must als...

I wanted to know more about the people who’s job it is to squirt Gatorade into the mouths of football players.

Did a Google search for “Professional Squirters”. I won’t make that mistake again.

What are those things in your mouths that you use to chew called?

Damn. It's right on the tip of my tongue

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bass Solo

A couple goes to see a marriage counselor. They say their marriage is on the rocks because they never speak to each other.

The counselor tries to get them to talk, but they just sit there with their arms folded and their mouths closed. He tries playing games. He tries tricking them. Nothing h...

Jesus and Moses are relaxing on a boat and talking about the good old days.

The subject of miracles comes up, and they decide to see if they can still perform them.

"It's been almost 4000 years since I did this one" Moses says, then raises his arms. The water parts, revealing the floor of the lake.

Jesus claps His hands and says "Good one! It's only been abo...

So today my dad accidentally sprayed deodorant in his mouth

so now every time he speaks, he has this weird axe scent

What has four legs, two mouths, is very scary and has the power to make a man suffer indescribable torment?

My pregnant wife.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.