UPJOKE
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English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves,

drown them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish for more..

Genie: You get one wish.

Me: I wish for mor–

Genie: No wishing for more wishes.

Me:

Genie:

Me: I wish for more genies.

Genie: Holy shit.

All the new genies: Holy shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

soms preat joks

Genie: You know the drill, you get three wishes

Dave: I wish all G's were replaced by P's

Penie: As you wish. For your next wish?

Dave: I wish all E's at the end of a word were replaced by the letter S

Penis: So it will bs

Davs: For my last wish-

Penis: You ...

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a Mormon?

I have no idea but I can’t get him off my porch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voodoo Dick

[NSFW]

A husband whose wife is notorious for cheating on him while he is away on business is at his wits end with the whole thing.

He loves his wife dearly, and explained to her that this cannot continue. He has a long trip coming up soon and knows that she is going to cheat on him if ...

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