Marilyn Monroe suggests to Albert Einstein : "If you and I were to marry, our kids will be the smartest and most beautiful in all the world."

Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"

Jackie: John, did you sleep with Marilyn Monroe?

JFK: I had to Jackie. Not because she was easy, but because I was hard

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things,
not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

What do Lewinsky, Monroe, and Reddit have in common?

They all went down on a President.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Redditor, Marilyn Monroe, Melania Trump, and Lee Harvey Oswald?

One's a jerk who jacks off, one jerked off Jack, one jacks off a jerk, and one's a jerk who offed Jack .

Monroe and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year.

Every year Monroe would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know, Monroe, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Monroe and Martha went to the fair and Monroe said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. ...

What did JFK say after banging Marilyn Monroe?

"Some men have greatness thrust upon them, some men thrust upon greatness."

What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident. They died and went to heaven. At st. Peters gate, they were told it wasn't their time to die, so they will be sent back to earth. As a reward for their good earthly deeds they will allowed to go back to earth as whom they want regardless of timeline.
1st ...

I was Washingtons of clothes when...

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ...

Three Nuns

One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling".
One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. H...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Osama goes to heaven.

Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the
Americans' liberty, so they gave you...

There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...

Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.

Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.

A week before ...

There many similarities between the JFK and Lincoln assassinations

For example the night before Lincoln was assassinated he was in Monroe,Maryland. Well not many people know this but the night before JFK was assassinated he was in Marilyn Monroe.

[NSFW]A more honest retelling of John F. Kennedy's famous quote on lunar exploration.

"We choose to go to the moon, and Marilyn Monroe's bedroom, because it is easy and because I am hard."

JFK - 1961.

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A man and woman get married

The next day they're talking to the neighbor. "So, who'd you put on your list?" The neighbor asked. Confused, the wife says "what list?" "Oh you know, the list of who you can still have sex with if ever given the opportunity, mine consists of Raquel Welch and Marilyn Monroe." Intrigued, the wife...

I had a dream.

Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that Hugh Hefner, publisher of Playboy died and went to Hell. He was trapped in a small room with no doors or windows with an unattractive, hateful woman. A voice boomed out from nowhere and said: "Hugh Hefner, for your sins in life you shall spend eternity wit...

In other news....

We now have the most attractive First Lady since Marilyn Monroe.

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