Mcgregor Jokes - 47 Hilarious Mcgregor Jokes

Why does McGregor love springtime so much?

Cause you just can't beat Mayweather.

Conor McGregor

Before the fight: I can't stand Poirier
After the fight: I can't stand, Poirier

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

McGregor was a mighty man.

Two Scotsman were drinking in bar. As they were walking out, one man lets out a sigh as he's looks out at their village, and his friend asks what's wrong.

"Look at our town." he replied. "You see that bridge crossing the river over there? I built that bridge with me own two hands. But do they...

McGregor is on his death bed.

His best friend Jock McTavish is sitting vigil by his side when McGregor leans over and with his last words says. "Aye Jock, there's a bottle of Whisky under my bed. When I am gone, pour it over my grave, promise me you'll do it man."

After some consideration McTavish replies. "Aye I'll do it...

What's the difference between Mcgregor and Mayweather?

Mcgregor hugs his wife and beats his opponents while
Mayweather beats his wife and hugs his opponents

Why doesn’t Conor McGregor like fighting in the spring?

Because of Mayweather

Conor McGregor hates cinco de mayo...

It's nothing personal, he just cant stand Mayweather.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tourist is backpacking through the Highlands of Scotland...

A tourist is backpacking through the Highlands of Scotland and he stops on a pub to get a drink. And the only people in there is a bartender and an old men nursing a beer. And he orders a pint, and they sit in silence for a while. And suddenly the old man turns to him and goes: "You see this bar? I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Long) (Borrowed from Ron Swanson) McGregor walks into a bar...

McGregor walks into a bar and tells a man at the bar "I built this bar with my own hands. I cut the wood, laminated the planks, planed it down, and finished it. Do they call me McGregor the bar builder? No. Come outside with me." McGregor takes the man outside. He points to a stone wall and says, "I...

A constable receives notification about a theft from McGregor's farm near Nottingham. The dispatcher tells him that farmer McGregor reports the theft of 2033 pigs...

The constable starts writing the report, but decides to double-check the exact amount of the pigs. He calls McGregor and asks: "Mr McGregor, are you absolutely sure that there were 2033 pigs stolen?"

"Oh, yeth, conthtable, abtholutely!" McGregor answers.

The constable thanks hi...

What's Conor McGregor's favorite drink?

Tap water

What do Conor McGregor and I have in common?

Neither of us have won a professional fight in over two years.

Think Mayweather/Mcgregor is going to be the biggest fight of the year?

Just wait until my girl finds out I paid $100 to see it.

McGregor finishes fast...

And he’s a champion. I do it and I’m a loser.

What did Khabib Nurmagomedov say to Conor Mcgregor?

Are you Connor McFALL now

Conor McGregor walks into a bar

...Grandpa, we gotta go.

Conor McGregor doesn't have seasonal allergies.

He just can't handle the Mayweather.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor McGregor can't catch a break

A young Irishman sits down for a pint at his local pub, and soon the Scot on the stool next to him
strikes up a conversation:

You see the fishing pier out that window? asks the Scot. I built that pier with me own bare hands.
But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-maker?' No.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is drowning his sorrows at a bar.

Over his beer, he tells the bartender, "I built this bar, you know, and many other buildings over the years. But do they call me McGregor the builder? No, they do not.

Look outside. Do you see that road? I built that too, and many others over the years. Do they call me McGregor the road buil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveling salesman walks into a bar. It's empty except for a guy sitting in one corner nursing a beer and looking terribly bitter. The salesman orders a drink and sits down at the old dude's table.

A traveling salesman walks into a bar. It's empty except for a guy sitting in one corner nursing a beer and looking terribly bitter. The salesman orders a drink and sits down at the old dude's table.

"What's got you so down, buddy?" he asks.

"You new in town?" the old drunk asks.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

McGregor the ....

McGregor stood on the hill side talking to a village lad.

"You see that wall lad? Every stone and every brick put in there with these 2 hands."

"Do they call me McGregor The Wall builder?'

"No!"

"Look out to sea lad."

"See that pier? Every board and every nail laid...

Why does Connor McGregor hate the spring time?

Because he hates MayWeather

Anyone who thinks Mcgregor beating Mayweather is impossible...

.. forgot Donald J Trump is our 45th President

What's the best thing about buying a barrel of Conor Mcgregor's whiskey?

It's easy to tap!

I don't think Connor McGregor enjoyed the fight last night.

He seemed like he was feeling a bit under the weather.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A backpacker is in the Scottish Highlands, when he comes upon a bar in a seaside village.

He decides to go into the bar. There is one other person there, an old, burly man.

"Yer see this bar here? I built this bar with my bare hands, chopped the finest wood in the county, with the finest nails, but do they call me McGregor the bar builder? No."

*points out the window*
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ol' McGregor's sitting at a pub in Ireland...

A young boy walks in and grabs the stool next to him.
McGregor says, " You know lad, 50 years ago I built this bar top. I carried every piece of lumber in on me back, sanded em, an put em in place. My blood, sweat, and tears went into building this bar, and it still stands as strong as it ever d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's in a name?

An American college student visits Ireland while traveling throughout Europe. He finds a quiet town and enters a pub. It's empty save for the bartender and an old man at the far end of the bar. The American student sits down and politely orders a Guinness.

The old man speaks loudly and unprom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Connor McGregor's new weak ass whiskey being served to old men in Dublin?

Sucker punch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conor McGregor said in an interview that he thinks Mayweather is the shit.

I guess the shit really hit the fan.

Why does Conor McGregor want to get a knockout within 4 rounds in the big fight?

Because as the rounds go by, his chances of winning Mayweather away

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked into an Irish pub and sat down with a beer

In the corner sat an old man by himself, looking down. So I got another beer and went to talk to him.

I sat down with him, and asked him what was wrong. He pointed out the window and said:

“You see that beautiful house at the end of the road? That’s my house, I built it myself. Do they...

The school bully asked me if I wanted to pick a fight with him

So I showed up to his house later that day and picked the Conor McGregor vs. Khatib fight and we watched it all afternoon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A stranger is drinking alone in a small pub...

Until he is approached by an obviously inebriated man. This man begins to ramble on about his trade skills in the village. The stranger tries to shrug him off but he pushes conversation. 'see this pub we are sitting in? I built this pub with my own bare hands. Yet, no one calls me McGregor the bar b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American walks into a pub in Ireland

...he sits down next to an old, mangled Irishman who is clearly on his umpteenth drink of the afternoon.

As the American orders a beer, the Irishman leans over to him and says:

> What’d ya think of this bar, young man?

“It’s nice.” The American says, nonplussed. He just wan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Scottish builder walks into a bar.

He sits down orders a tall beer, and tells the bartender

You see that fence out back, i built it 10 miles long, all by hand. But do they call me McGregor the fence builder, no

You see that dock out front, i hammered all the post in 14 feet of water sanded the deck boards. But do they c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is walking through a small village one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer.

He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old man, crying into his beer. Curious, the young man sits down and says, "Hey old timer, why the long face?"

The old man looks at him and points out the window, "See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, na...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.

"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."

He gulps down the whiskey and order...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is backpacking through Ireland...

When he decides to go to a bar in a small town. He sits down next to a native just sipping on his drink.

The native stops and says to the young man in a thick Irish accent "You see this bar here!" He said as he slammed his hand on the bar. "I built this bar with my own two hands. Board by boa...

A Scotsman is drinking at the bar.

"I've been layin' bricks fer twenty years" he said in a dejected tone.

"But they don't call me McGregor the bricklayer do they?!" He sipped his drink and continued.

"I've bin paintin' hooses fer thirty-five years." He continued to sip his drink, his inflection getting angrier and more ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar.

The place is totally packed standing room only except for one seat at the bar next to an older man. So the guy walks over and sits down. The older man turns to him and say hey! You see this bar? I made this bar, I sanded it I planed it, I wrapped the leather around the edge, do they call me McGregor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with triplets goes into a bank...

...just as its being robbed. The robbery goes wrong and she gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she manages to live.

She was rushed to the hospital, where the doctor after examination tells her that
the bullets can't be removed but she and her children will be alright, and th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scotsman's Legacy

A young man is backpacking through Scotland and decides to stop in a little pub out in the middle of nowhere. There are only two other people in the bar, the bartender and an old man sitting at the counter nursing a beer. He take a seat at a stool a couple down from the old man and orders a pint. ...

What do you call an MMA fighter in a kebab shop?

Doner McGregor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad tells this joke everywhere.

Apparently, my dad feels it's appropriate to tell everyone this joke. Waiters, salesmen, etc.

An American man is on a business trip to Ireland. He decides to take a break from his work and heads to the local pub. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender, being very upfront says, "You se...

I'm French and was at the bar with my Irish and Scottish friends

As we were leaving a crowd of rowdy South Africans start jibing them to fight.

The Irish man said" Boys, I've been smacking jokers since McGregor was a wee lad, get behind me and I'll sort 'em!"

The Scottish man, not to be outdone replied "Ahck, I'm stronger than ten men at the Highla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees an old man sitting by himself

He sits next to the man, who obviously already had a few and starts a conversation. The old man tells him:
"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over ther...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.