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Marine Biologist Jokes

A marine biologist walks into the post office

A marine biologist walks into the post office and says he needs to send a large tank overnight. The postal worker asks for the dimensions of the tank and when the biologist gives them to him the postal worker says, "We can't send a tank that big overnight. It'll have to go by freight train."

...

How does a good marine biologist work?

With a-fish-in-sea

What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?

What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog? One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.

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Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

What does the french-american marine biologist keep on her wall?

An affishe

I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t trust marine biologists

Something about them feels….. fishy

What do a marine biologist and a drunk girl have in common?

They’re both worried about the seal!

Im a Marine Biologist

My Field of study is the naval infantry

What did the Italian marine biologist say when asked to identify an eel?

That's a moray!



I'll see myself out...

Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together.

They call it an orca-stra.

A Marine Biologist walks into a lab,

She shouts, “I think we found a way for cephalopods to discover fire!”
The other scientist asks, “how.”
She responds with a CD,
“By making them listen to my mixtape!”

A marine biologist at the University of California Santa Cruz

A marine biologist at the University of California Santa Cruz was elated to discover a food that when fed to dolphins enabled them to live eternal lives. One day the biologist found that he was out of seagull mash, a main ingredient in the eternal life food. Worried that the he would miss the next c...

Marine Biologists

A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That woul...

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From my 8 year old daughter. "What is a Marine Biologists favorite instrament?"

The "Tambomarine" Badapisssh...

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Little known fact...

The first time whale semen was studied by a marine biologist was actually at the request of one particular sperm cell. The following conversation took place.

Sperm: I just want to be taken seriously. I think that reproductive cells are an easy target for crude humor made by the mindless immat...

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Antman receives a call from a Marine Biologist at Seaworld...

A marine biologist working with Seaworld calls Antman to help him with one of his juvenile Orcas. He tells him that due to the orca's sexual maturity fast approaching, he needs to perform a vasectomy to prevent him from getting to aggressive with the females.

Antman agrees, shrinks down, and...

What did the skeptical marine biologist say before her first day of work?

I think I’m just gonna test the waters...

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A marine biologist in Virginia fell afoul of the law over his dolphins.

It seems that all he was able to procure were female dolphins. Without males their interest in participating in the experiments waned. Desperate to satisfy his dolphins, he tried to see if any humans could satisfy their needs, but he was limited by morals clauses prohibiting what was in effect bes...

What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love?

"It's a Moray."

I was thinking of dating this girl I met. She’s an marine biologist who works on a submarine.

But between you and me, I think she’s a little out of my league.

Marine biologists were baffled by why Jaws would always swim away after chomping off swimmers' legs.

Turns out he's lack toes intolerant.

A Dr. Of marine biology was inspired to create a new beverage.

Dr. Marcus Opor, renowned marine biologist and ocean sustainability expert, experimented with a brewed beverage with skipjack tuna as its primary ingredient. He spent years alternating its composition, striving for a balance of savory and rich ocean flavors. At last, he perfected his "tea", and was ...

A trainer at SeaWorld was in charge of keeping the dolphins healthy.

He would feed them, give them medical attention, make sure they were in good spirits. But he knew that the dolphins eventually were going to die. Well, he couldn't have that. After researching for days to no avail, he found an article written by a disgraced marine biologist about how dolphins could ...

Nautilus

Two succesful marine biologists come back from their recent expedition, near the seas of Indonesia.

Biologist 1: You won't believe our results. We documented so many different types of fish, including a lot of nautiluses.

Biologist 2: It's not a lie.

Recycling is important...

I went to the bar last night. I saw two rather large ladies having a great time. They seemed to be speaking in an Irish accent. I sauntered over and asked them

"Are you ladies from Ireland?"

They responded, "It's Wales, you idiot!"

I apologized immediately and said
"Are you ...

What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist?

A marine biologist.

A questionable article on marine biology goes viral.

"**New study reveals migrating Crows' droppings may be responsible for great barrier barrier reef bleaching**"

The article receives widespread criticism from the scientific community. Marine biologists across the globe insist that coralation does not imply Cawsality.

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The man who loved marine mammals

There was a marine biologist, named Dr. Panglos, who loved marine mammals. (When I say he loved marine mammals though, I’m not talking about having sex with dolphins; he just loved to study them). He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day, in a fit of inv...

(Original) A professor, a construction worker, a biologist, and a doctor walk into a bar.

A professor, a construction worker, a biologist, and a doctor walk into a bar.

First the professor sighs. The bartender asks him what's wrong. The professor says, "As you can see, I'm a professor of philosophy, and today I went in too deep. I was in a lecture and was explaining a particularly...

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