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Making Out Jokes

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

Yesterday I saw two teenagers making out in the park, reminds me of my teenage days….

reminds me of my teenage days when I used to see other teenagers make out in the park

Today I saw two fetuses making out

Ugh, get a womb.

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Making out with a blind girl...

I made out with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "Nah, You're just pulling my leg."

So my Dad walked in on me making out with my girlfriend

I was naturally very embarrased, as I didn't want my parents to know I had a girlfriend and make a big deal about it. But my Dad said to me, "Don't worry son, I won't tell your mother, this will be our little secret".

The next day I'm eating breakfast with my family. My Mom says to me, "Son, ...

I met a girl at a bar and we went back to hers and started making out on the sofa, she gave me a cheeky look and said ''I think we should take this upstairs''

Ok, I said, you carry one end and I'll get the other, be careful getting through the doorframe and we'll come back down for the cushions.

What do you call two girls making out in a bathtub?

Water Hoes

I walked in on two mummies making out.

I told them to get a tomb.

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A guy starts making out with a dumb blonde

She starts feeling up his arms and says in sexy voice "Ooh! What do we have here? They're so big!"

Guy says "You like that baby? That's 50 pounds of dynamite."

She continues caressing his body and when she gets to his legs, she says in a sexy voice "Ooh! What do we have here? They're h...

I caught some Disney employees making out

Apparently its a sequel to 'Up' or something

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A blonde girl is making out with her boyfriend...

...after a while she backs off and says "I have a great idea! Why don't we play hide and seek?"

Her boyfriend shrugs. "Sounds a bit childish. Why would we do that?"

She says "Because, if you find me...I'll give you a blowjob."

"And what if I can't find you?"

"Oh, I'll be ...

What do you call making out with a white flag?

A French kiss

A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car.

He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go.

So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows hi...

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A boy and a girl are making out...

The boy asks, "So, do you want to have sex?"
The girl replied, "I don't know, what if I get pregnant?"
The boy says, "Oh, don't worry. I never took sex ed, so I don't know *how* to make you pregnant."

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?

My Chemical Romance

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My mom caught me making out with my 3rd cousin and she’s pissed...

I don’t know why though, she didn’t care about the first two.

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A guy and a girl making out

The girl says "put your finger in my pussy" and the guy does. The girl then says "put a second finger" the guy asks "why you gonna whistle?"

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*NSFW* a couple is making out on their first date

The man stops and says “I’d love a little pussy”

Woman replies “so would I, mines as big as a house”

I must have been dreaming when I was making out with my girlfriend and she was telling me sweet nothings about wanting to get me off.

When i woke up she was yelling at me to get off!

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A young couple got together and started making out.

One thing led to another, and soon they were about to have sex. Just then they realise that neither of them really know what to do. The girl said she’d ask her mom about the steps. Her mom said that both have to undress and then she should grab the hardest part of his body and put it inside where sh...

Little John: Mom, yesterday while you were at work dad was making out with the maid..

Mom: Wait! Let your dad come back and then tell.
Later that evening...
Mom: Johnny you were telling me something..?
John: yes mom so dad was making out with the maid but he did not make her a horse like uncle Bob made you.

I'm a physicist.

It’s 3 AM. A woman paces angrily in her house waiting for her physicist husband to come home. Finally he does. As he walks through the door she glares and demands “where have you been!?” Sheepishly, the physicist husband tries to explain himself. He says, “well my colleagues and I went out just for ...

I saw a couple making out in front of the kids at LEGOLAND.

I said "C'mon you guys, build a room!"

What's the worst part about making out with a perfect 10?

The cold feeling on your lips when you realize you're kissing the mirror

The boy is at his girlfriend's house making out with her on the couch...

... when they hear her parents coming back home.
They quickly sit up straight, fix their hair and pretend to be watching TV.
The mom says "I brought some food, are you guys hungry?"
They go to the table and the boy says "mmmm this fish cake is delicious!"
The mom says "go wash yo...

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So a guy and a girl are making out and begin having sex on the hood of her Honda civic, suddenly the man stops.

He said, im sorry i can only only have sex on my own Accord

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. I picked up a girl in a bar the other night and we went back to her place. We started making out and getting naked. I went down and started munching on that pussy and got a piece of corn in my mouth.

.. I didn’t think to much of it, just threw over my shoulder and went on eating. Then I got a green bean in my mouth. I like green beans, I just ate it and went back down. Then I got a piece of asparagus in my mouth. That was to much. I hate asparagus. I looked up at her and said,”God damn woman, ar...

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How do you know if you're making out with a french horn player?

They keep trying to put their hand up your butt.

What do you say when you see two cleaning ladies making out in public?

Get a broom.

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Make-Out Session Gone Wrong

Steve and his girlfriend, Sheila, were making out real hot and heavy when Steve's left hand wandered south. He began fingering his girl's vagina when she whispered in his ear,
"Could you take your ring off?" She continued, "It's really uncomfortable."
Steve whispered back to her, saying "Sorry...

I walked in on my son making out with his girlfriend. "Oh, woah, what's this?" I asked. He's been avoiding me ever since...

... and keeps mumbling something about me being a "furry"

A guy is making out with a girl and things are going well...

When he thinks, "hey things are going my way quickly, so screw second base, I'm going for third."

He tries, but the girl backs off, and she says "wow, that's a little presumptuous don't you think?"

The man replies "Presumptuous? That's a pretty big word for an 8-year-old..."

Two ducks check into a hotel for their honeymoon. The we’re making out and the male duck said “I forgot to bring any condoms!” So he phones reception to see if they can help out. “Condoms? Of course sir. Should I put them on your bill?”...

“No way! If you did that I’d suffocate!”

I was making out with my girlfriend in my car when she said "OOH DARMOK!! KISS ME DOWN WHERE IT SMELLS!"

...so I drove her to New Jersey.

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