UPJOKE
candymarshmallownougatgumdropliquoriceconfectiontoffeecandy canechocolatebubblegumcotton candypezbonbonlollipopmarzipan

Taffy Jokes

I aspire to write jokes for laffy taffy.

Q: What do you call a gullible vampire?

A: A sucker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nervous young priest…

is preparing for his first sermon. He goes to the elder bishop for advice, who tells him ‘Take a glass of vodka up with you, and every time you start to feel nervous, take a sip. Everyone will just think it’s water and it’ll help calm you down.’

The young priest follows the wise elders advice...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the Bishop how he had done.

The Bishop replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
...

This was my Laffy taffy joke I choked on it while I read this

What Kind Of Tree Grows In Your Hand?
A palm tree!

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

A Catholic priest is reading a map made by the Laffy Taffy Company

As the priest follows the map through the streets of Rio De Janeiro, he gets deeper and deeper into the slums of the city. He stays true to the map, regardless of the neighborhood. An hour later, he is still following the map, regardless of the neighborhood getting even worse. There are gang members...

The best joke I ever heard from a Laffy Taffy wrapper

Why do kangaroos hate rainy days?
...
The kids have to play inside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a bunch of laughs taffy’s on Saturday and thought I’d share

Q: Who was responsible for the lakes disarray

A: The loch mess monster

Q:Why did the girl have a tiny wooden infant

A: She wanted a whittle baby

Q: What type of data has a big bite

A: megabyte

Q: What can you catch but not throw

A: A cold

Q: Wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Need help figuring out a Laffy Taffy joke

I just got this joke on a Laffy Taffy wrapper, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what this jerk-off Kyle P. is trying to get across. The joke is, what did the x-ray say to the broken bone? That bone should get a loan!

Why is the x-ray machine saying this? Is the joke that it rhymes? ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Warning, this is worse than those laffy-taffy jokes) Why don't engineers have sex with much frequency?

Because it hertz!

The new priest

A new priest was nervous before his first sermon, so the monseigneur told him to have a bit of a drink before mass to take off the edge.

The new priest took the advice. After the sermon he returned to the rectory to find a note. It read:

Good sermon today, but a few small points:
<...

To get in shape I had a bike made out of taffy but I never rode it

It was a viscous cycle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you describe a Welshman masturbating?

A Taffy pull.

How does Mario talk to the dead?

With a luigi board.

Made this joke up about 10 years ago while trying to think of terrible laffy taffy jokes.

What do you call the chewy candy that tastes like a mongoose and kills snakes?

Riki Tiki Taffy

What did one eye say to the other?

Between us, something smells.

Courtesy of the laffy taffy in my candy bowl. Happy Haloween! :)

Reverse joke challenge

This is a game I came up with, the rules are pretty simple:

Post a question in the form of: "What do you call an (animal) with a (object)?" And I (or someone else) will respond with a laffy taffy quality pun as a response. This creates a new terrible joke as a result!

Keep in mind thes...

Why did the skeleton not go to prom?

He had no *body* to go with!!!

As told by a Professor, in a serious Aerospace class, reading off of Laffy Taffy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is nervous about conducting his first church service...

...he gives it his best effort and does horribly. Feeling dejected he returns to his quarters where he finds an anonymous note, it reads: "Next Sunday, take some of the port and sip it whilst carrying out the service, it will calm your nerves."

The priest thinks this is great advice and sets ...

What runs around a soccer field but never moves?

A fence.

Credit: Leftover Laffy Taffy from Halloween. #157 Julie D., Boise, ID

Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?

Because his teacher was Haydn.

(Stolen from laffy taffy)

What is a Mathematician's favorite thing to drink?

Root beer.

(tbh: found on a Laffy taffy wrapper)

What is the definition of a farmer?

Someone who is outstanding in his field.

*hehehe*

Credit: Laffy Taffy

What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around while I go on ahead.

Credit goes to a Laffy Taffy wrapper from some years ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new priest is about to give his first sermon...

and he's really nervous about it, so he goes and asks the older priest if he can help.

"Well I'll tell you what," says the older priest, "I'll switch out the wine for a martini so you can calm your nerves before you start talking."

"Thanks Father!" says the new priest.

After the...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.