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Locomotives Jokes

Did you ever hear about the Mexican train killer?

He had locomotives

How do locomotives know where they're going?

Lot's of training

What is it called when old-timey locomotives work together?

Steamwork

Why should you be careful around train conductors?

Because they have locomotives.

An old train engineer was lying on his deathbed

His family was gathered around him in silence. The oldest son gathered strength to ask his father: -Father, do you have any last wishes we could do for you?

The old engineer thought for a while and finally said: -Well, you know I used to drive locomotives all my life but since retirement I ha...

What's the difference between trains and ambitious lunatics?

None. They're both locomotives.

The Flying Scotsman

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him, so an official went to the National Railway Museum at York to investigate the possibilities.

"There are a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a consultant told the official, but...

Military ranks

GENERAL:
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

COLONEL:
Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a spe...

Did you hear about the hispanic that's been stealing all the trains?

I heard he has some loco motives. (Locomotives)

Has anyone here heard of the Mexican train conductor who went crazy and ran over a bunch of people?

He had locomotives!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few I picked up...

JOKES!

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "five drinks please"

What begins with a " C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet in the middle.

Coconut

What do dentists call their X-rays?

Toothpicks

Dir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

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