UPJOKE
libraryarchivistlibrary catalogbookteacherhistorianbibliotheccataloguerinstitutioncuratorassistantdatabasemagazinelecturerclerk

Librarians Jokes

Why do librarians hate tennis?

Too much racket.

How many librarians does it take to change a light bulb?

645.5

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three surgeons are talking about their favorite kinds of patients.

"My favorite patients are librarians." says the first surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because their organs are all in alphabetical order."

"My favorite patients are mathematicians." says the second surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because all their organs are numbered."

"My fa...

In a public library, a man with his new library card questioned the blonde librarian.

“Do you mean to say,” he asked, “that with this card I may take out any book I want?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“And may I take out vinyl records too?”

“Yes, you may.”

“May I take you out?” he ventured.

*"Sir, the librarians are for reference only.”*

Three surgeons were discussing their patients.

The first surgeon says, 'I like operating on electricians, you open them up and everything is colour coded and tagged and easy to trace'

The second surgeon says 'I enjoy opening librarians. Everything is catalogued and in order, so really easy to find things'

The third surgeon says 'I ...

I'D LIKE TO GIVE A BIG SHOUT OUT TO LIBRARIANS!

oh... sorry...

Why don't librarians lend books on "how to commit suicide?

Because people don't bring them back.

There was once a flight full of librarians.

It was booked.

What’s a librarians favorite thing to bring to a BBQ?

A shush kebab

There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day he did his job without missing a beat. One day though, he didn’t show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that...

Turns out he had become shelf aware.

Every book is a coloring book if you hate librarians.

Credit: Mitch Hedberg (R.I.P)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surgeon Talk

Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...



The first surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."



The second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is...

The librarian and the chicken

There was a librarian who worked at the west town library for over 15 years. One day, on an otherwise normal day, a chicken hopped into the library, right up onto the librarians desk, looked her straight in the eyes, and said “bawwwwk bawk bawk bawk !”

She looked at the chicken, confused. Th...

Ginger librarians are:

Well red.

What do librarians call breathalyzers?

The DUI decimal system

This dude walks into a library and asks the librarian "have you got any books on paranoia"?

The librarians says, "They're right behind you"!

Why are librarians so shy?

Their occupation makes them very shelf conscious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 surgeons were arguing on the golf course about who makes the best patients.

The first one said he loved librarians to operate on. When you open them up, every part is in alphabitical order. The second doc said no, electricians are the best! Everything inside is color coded. The third doc said he had spent most of his career working in D C. That the absolute best surgical p...

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to a librarian and says, "Book book book."

The librarian decides that the chicken wants a book so he gives the chicken a book and the chicken walks away. About ten minutes later the chicken comes back with the book, looking a bit agitated, saying, "Book book book." The librarian decides the chicken wants another book so he takes the old book...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.