Lib Jokes

A pizza is able to feed an entire family.

Is that they are _____.

One's a tangent; the other a tan gent.

Mad Libs

I never thought ________ would happen during _______

The plumber kept shooting the ball way out of bounds cursing " Goddamn it, I missed again". The bishop, annoyed, asked the plumber not to speak gods name in vain. As they moved to the next hole the plumber misses again, " Goddamn it, I missed again" The Bishop became furious. The third hole came an... read more

A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin. "Where the hell have you been?" she asked.
"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he ad-libbed. "I've just lost you in a card game." "How did you manage to do that?" "I... read more

You only pay for what you knead.

Because they only care about Mad Libs!

I almost had to call the popcoroner.

(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said “maybe slow down so you don’t choke on that. I don’t want to have to call the pop coroner”, and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). ... read more

Instead of: I expect you to die at the ripe old age of 90 while you sleep Mr. Sean Connery.

They ad libbed: I expect you to die Mr. Bond

The genie said "I will grant one wish per person". The Republican immediately jumped forward and said "I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs." The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked "Are they all on their own planet... read more

Because they have to be liberal with their spices.

Mad libs.

Lib-tarts.

If you listen to his speech patterns, it’s clear that he’s playing “Mad Libs.”