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Technic Jokes

I love "technically true" jokes, like:

If everybody in the world held hands around the equator, most of them would drown.

Or

Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?

Or

There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

What else ...

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.


Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?



Eve...

They say Prince Andrew can get off on a legal technicality

Is there anything this guy doesn't find arousing?

Iron Man is technically a FEmale.

I will downvote myself on the way out....

I need some technical advice.

Does anyone know how to deactivate the "Sock hiding" program in the washing machine?

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Technically, NASA didn't hire Nazis

they were a part of the founding staff.

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I used to be a boob doctor (yes that is the technical term)…

There were a lot of good times and a lot of bad times


A lot of ups and downs



But over all, I’m thankful for all the mammaries

If the tomato is technically a fruit

Does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

Technically it was Moses.....

that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

A man calls technical support.

“Word Perfect Technical support; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared.”

“Hmm. So what does your screen ...

Technically speaking

We have all kicked a pregnant woman.

My son has recently been teaching me various technical things about IT

I guess you really do learn from your mistakes

What would happen, if IT technic became a doctor?

Patient: I can't bend my knee.

Doctor: [*bends his knee*] Weird, works fine for me.

Technically, national anthems

are just country music

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Technically it's not boob sweat,

it's humidititties

Technics, Pioneer, Sony, Panasonic

Sorry - I shouldn’t make jokes about stereotypes

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

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Technically we're all Jokers

Cause we're all getting fucked over by a bat man.

Technically, killing furries isn't manslaughter

It's poaching.

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If you visit a nude beach for seniors, you're technically not supposed to stare.

But it's a gray area.

Ironman is technically a woman

Because he’s Fe-male

I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid nappi...

Technically Trump was right about when Covid-19 would go away.

Odds are we'll be opening back up by Easter.

How do you get a hardcore crypto technical analyst off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza

She's technically not wrong...

This actually happened last night with my girlfriend...
Me: So did you read 1984?
She: Yeah, I did...utopian society right?
Me:No it is the total opposite...do you know the opposite of utopian?
She: yeah..Ethiopia right?
and yes she was being totally serious.

Last week I submitted a ten page in depth technical description of my groundbreaking invention to a prestigious journal... but it didn't get published.

They said I should just call a spade a spade.

My girlfriend was born in a leap year so technically she is 4 lol

And 1 in leap years

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A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.


Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776


\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet.

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet. And lucky the data is also in the cloud, cause he got angry and smashed his tablet, so he needed a new one to download everything again.

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Wife and technical support

Dear technical support.

Last year I upgraded my Boyfriend 5.0 program in to the version Husband 1.0 and I noticed that the new program has unexpected changes in its processing modules. The program limited the access to Flowers and Jewelry applications which worked perfectly under the version...

Technically every person's life begins the same way the universe did:

With a big bang

Engineer vs Manager

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must...

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

A train conductor kills 2 people and is sentenced to the electric chair...

A train conductor ends up killing two people while on the job. He is found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. When the day comes, he is asked what he would want for his last meal, and he requests a banana. After finishing his meal, he is strapped to the chair and electrocuted. However, by s...

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

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A Welsh Airways plane experiences technical trouble...

Welsh Airways pilots Dai and Rhodri are struggling to control their stricken aircraft as it plummets towards the ground. The aircraft is loaded with high value cargo, including a flock of award winning sheep.

Rhodri: "We're going to have to crash land somewhere!"

Dai: "But what about ...

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What is the technical name for Viagra?

Mycoxafloppin

This Unicode technical specification is extremely dull reading

But it does have many interesting characters.

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

When you think about it, technically all Australian submarines are down under.

.............I'll let that sink in.

Mohammad bin Salman is 33 making him, technically, a Millennial...

...so now Baby Boomers can add "Journalists" to their list of "things Millennials are killing".

Have you ever heard the technical term for a broken escalator?

Stairs.

Only technically savy people like ME know how to text and dri

Draft: Only technically savy people like ME know how to text and dri

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepa...

TIL that regardless of the technical definition...

your girlfriend will not appreciate being called a tramp.

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Tomorrow I'm having skin grafted from my butt onto my hand and I cope with humor. Make me laugh.

I'm going to have to ask my girlfriend if she wants to try butt stuff just so we can hold hands.

The surgeon's going to hand my ass to me.

If I high five someone did they technically smack my ass?

What does a clown living in a sewer and a person working in technical support have in common?

They both are from IT

When she found out he worked in technical support, it really turned her on.

Then it turned her off.
Then it turned her on again.

Uzbekistan is double-landlocked, being surrounded by Kazickstan, Afganistan, Turkmenistan, Kygenistan, and Tajikistan, all landlocked! So technically, Uzbeckistan is...

STANlocked.

I was in my room and saw a group of 10 ants running around frantically. I felt bad and made a small house for them out of cardboard. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my ..

Tenants

..so in a technical sense, they're only relatively bad.

My jokes are so bad, they sometimes appear to violate causality..

An Engineer was asked: "What is the Technical Difference between Welding and Wedding"

He replied: "Not much; both are joints, in a way.
In Welding there are sparks first and bonding forever, whereas in Wedding there is bonding first and sparks forever "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm technically 5'11" but whenever people ask I just say I'm 6'0".

I do it for the same reason I tell people I have a four inch penis - what's an extra inch, anyway?

How many engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, that’s a technical problem.

My wife is the least technical person in the world, so when she told me she had finished installing Java, I was astounded.

Until she held up her empty coffee cup.

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A man goes to an animal market

He goes up to a rooster seller and buys a rooster.

The seller hands it to him and says, "Oh, in this business, we call it a cock".

The man takes note and goes to buy a hen from a seller.

The seller hands it to him after paying and tells him "By the way, in this business, we call...

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