UPJOKE
guinevereexcaliburgaulirelandmerlinavalonlancelotarthurgildasmordredcamelotsaxonprinceedwardroy

King Arthur Jokes

Which of King Arthur's knights was chosen to make the round table?

Sir Cumference

King Arthur

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an adventure and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. But King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those Knights of the Round Table. So he went to see Merlin to see if he had a solution.

Merlin, the wiz...

King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease

... and only an old ugly witch can cure him. But the witch demanded a young handsome knight for husband, and Galahad took it for the team and married her. On the night of the wedding, the witch turned into a beautiful woman and offered Galahad the choice, she can be old and ugly during the day, and ...

King Arthur had insomnia in the days before he lost his last battle...

Too many sleepless knights.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur goes on a crusade

But is worried about his wife having sex with other men. So he goes to a locksmith and asks:

-Hello my dear friend you see I'm heading out for a crusade and I'm worried about my wife's purity.

-Say no more my king I think I have just right thing for your sorrows. Look this my latest ...

Many people know of King Arthur and his Knights of The Round Table.

However, most people do not know who first proposed and created the round table: Sir Cumfrence.

The women of King Arthur's court must have been very happy

They Camelot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, King Arthur had to leave Camelot to go for a diplomatic hunt. Worried about his wife's potential infidelity, he asks Merlin to fashion her a chastity belt...

Merlin assures the king that anything that is put through the hole in the chastity belt will be immediately cut off with magic.

Satisfied, King Arthur goes on his hunt. When he returns several days later, he immediately goes to the Knights of the Round Table and asks all of them to drop thei...

Who did King Arthur leave in charge of security?

Sir Veillance

A friend of mine is so into medieval stories that he continuously goes through all the members of King Arthur's round table.

Knight, after knight, after knight after knight.....

King Arthur and the Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

Who's the roundest knight at King Arthur's court?

Circumference.

Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight?

He had too many SLEEPLESS knights!

Alternative answer:

Because they Came A Lot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did King Arthur participate in so many video conferences?

Because he likes to be on cam a lot.

King Arthur is on a mission and must leave the castle.

He worries that his wife, Queen Guinevere, may not stay faithful to him while he goes on his journey. So, he devises a belt that would poison the member of any man who attempts to have intercourse with her. The flesh will rot away, and it will need to be chopped off. With everything in place, he lea...

King Arthur

King Arthur is about to set out on the quest to find the Holy Grail, but he's worried about Guinevere’s faithfulness while he's away. So he visits Merlin to discuss his concerns.
"Don't worry my liege, I have the perfect device to ensure your wife stays pure" and he produces a rather odd looking ...

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Guinevere. The belt contained a miniature guillotine.

Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down.

One by one, he went to each knight and shook his hea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur is preparing to leave Camelot on a lengthy quest, but news has reached his ears that his wife may have taken on a lover.

"But... *who*...?" he asks Merlin.




"Fear not, Arthur - I know how we can protect Guinevere's chastity in your absence and also discover the identity of her lover. Watch this!"




The magician snapped his fingers and, into thin air, appeared a magical, samite chast...

King Arthur asked a wood maker apprentice to make a table.

He was so impressed with the Table Round result, that he knighted him on the spot: Sir Cumference.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Many people think that King Arthur didn’t have very much sex

Many people think that King Arthur didn’t have very much sex because he only had one son. But, if you think about the sword in the stone, his pull out game is what made him king in the first place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard King Arthur had a sex addiction [NSFW]

He came a lot

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.

"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"

"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur leaves the country to go to war

Before leaves he goes to the town's blacksmith and orders him to do a chastity belt for the queen with the logic of the guillotine. Before leaving he tells his trusted friend and adviser , sir Lancelot, to bring the court together and inform everyone of this.

When the king returns he tells si...

How does King Arthur take his pills?

An African or European swallow

[OC] Why don't dyslexics like the story of King Arthur?

They think it's about the romance and majesty of Camelto.

King Arthur

King Arthur is heading off to war, but he’s a bit worried about Guinevere alone in the castle with some rowdy knights. So he goes to Merlin who shows him a chastity belt. The problem is it has a large hole in the most important spot. “This won’t work,” he says. Just then Merlin takes a stick and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think we all know King Arthurs knights

But, there were also others, who choose to stay in the background, but played a huge part.

First, and formost, the guy who made the round table. Sir Confarence

On second place, there was a knight, who sadly lost his life before he was publicly dubbed, saving king Arthur in a surprise r...

King Arthur must depart to the battlefield.

He requests that the Knights of the Round Table remained within the castle walls in order to protect its citizens should an attack arise. Skeptical of his Queen's loyalty, and the men's self-control, the King asks Merlin to cast a spell on her.

*Should anyone lie with this woman in bed,
th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur's shortest Knight.

Once there was a man who wanted be a Knight of the Round table. He had all the qualifications, but he was under 3 feet tall. He journeyed to Camelot to gain audience with King Arthur.

When he appeared before the court, all the other knights made fun and heckled him mercilessly. He though...

King Arthur has set on his noble mission to drive away the barbarians

Before he left , he called his close friend,Sir Lancelot.

"My bride Guinevere is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to u...

What did King Arthur say when his wife asked if he failed No Nut November?

"Yeah, I Camelot"

Back in medieval times King Arthur had a knight that collected taxes

His name was Sir Charge

Did you know that a cow had a seat on King Arthur's roundtable?

His name was Sir Loin.

What did King Arthur say when asked about Lancelot's betrayal?

"I don't want to talk about it, I've had a bad knight."


Bonus joke:

Why should you hire submariners?

They have experience working under pressure.

King Arthur wasn't pleased with the quality of his new table.

The carpenter had cut some corners.

King Arthur fell off his horse and separated his shoulder, which of his men did he go to for help?

Sir Jerry.

What was the name of King Arthur's faithful sidekick who would go through the castle in the evening reading stories and tucking everyone else into bed?

Knighty Knight

Arthur and Friends

The members of King Arthur's Round Table were always tired because they were on the knight shift.

But they did like to party. One day after a boisterous gathering, the purest knight of all kept asking everyone who was awake, "Did you see the gal I had?

When did King Arthurs men pract...

If King Arthur were to fight in the Crusades, where would he get desert-loving steeds?

At the Camelot!

Sir Lancelot's Loyal Horse

As King Arthur leaves Kamelot for some important king business, Queen Guinevere sends a note to noble knight Lancelot inviting him to visit her at her chambers. Upon receiving the note, Lancelot rejoices, kisses the paper and harries to his Loyal Horse.

'My friend and comrade' - says Lancelo...

What be thou name sir knight?

Lost, King Arthur rode through a humble village on his way back from a quest. He finally came across a somewhat weathly looking man in the road and thought he'd perhaps give him directions.

Arthur:
"Sir Knight, what be thoust name?"

Man:
"Cumcisor... "
"Sir Cumcisor"
"An...

The Queen and the Chastity Belt

One day, King Arthur had to leave the kingdom for an extended period. He took his most trusted knight, Lancelot, aside for a moment.
"Lancelot, I fear Guinevere is not entirely faithful to me. Therefore, I have placed a chastity belt upon her. Now I entrust you alone with the key", and wi...

Heard this one from my 8 year old and couldn't stop laughing

Q: Who made King Arthur's table round?

A: Sir Cumference

So I said to the taxi driver

'King Arthur' s close'. He said, '"Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights'.

Lancelot!

Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him.

"I want to be with the Queen, help me"

So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Que...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Silent Knight

So everybody know about King Arthur and the knights of the round table, but not everybody has heard about the Silent Knight of the round table. Here is a tale to tell:

A couple years after the round table was established the King went on another campaign. But there is a problem: he has a be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a vegetable and a berry?

i can't vegetable my dick so far in your ass whoever could pull it out would be crowned king arthur

I was Washingtons of clothes when...

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ...

5 Jokes About Pi

1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi

2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi

3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision

4. Who was the r...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.