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Joints Jokes

Cowboys don’t roll joints.

They tumble weed.

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Why does Shaggy always let Scooby roll their joints?

Because shaggys joints don't always turn out good but Scooby's doobies do

My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker...

...so I told her to roll them tighter.

a couple of cows were smokin’ joints and playin’ cards...

that’s right, the steaks were pretty high

I don't always roll joints, but when I do,

it's usually my ankle.

The doctor said, "To address the inflammation, try rubbing your joints."

I'd rather just use a lighter.

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A monkey is smoking a joint on a tree..

..a lizard comes by and asks: "monkey why are your eyes so red?", monkey replies: "i'm smoking a joint, do you want some?". Confused lizard asks: "i don't know, what's a joint?" Monkey says to him to come up to tree and he'll show him. After two joints they are both waisted and the lizard complains ...

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One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a joint?"
"Ten years," replies the stunned man.
With that she reaches over and unzips a water...

What do Canadians call the joints in their fingers?

Canuckles, eh!

Some people say I roll the best joints in the world

It's a doobious honour.

Two men are discussing habits.

The first man says, "Do you smoke?"

The second man replies, "Why of course, two joints a day! Why do you ask?"

The first man says, "Well how much do they cost?"

The second man says, "Only 20 each!"

"And how long have you been smoking?"

"A few years, why?"

"S...

Three engineers were discussing who created the human body.

The mechanical engineer said “Clearly it was a mechanical engineer. Look at all the joints, levers and moving parts.”

“No” said the electrical engineer, “Look at the wired central nervous system and brain to process everything.”

The civil engineer said “You are both wrong. It was a civ...

If A Pothead Has 13 Joints

That makes it a baker's dozen.

Why did the old car have squeaky joints?

It had carthritis.

Why do pirates have sore joints?

Because they get arrrrrrrthritis

Can 7 guys comfortably enjoy eating at 5 Guys burger joints?

No, it's impossible to fit a train in a restaurant.

A woman in her 90s told another "My joints are weak".

The later replied "That's because you are not rolling them tight enough honey".

The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana".

It's hard on your joints.

Why cant Mexicans smoke joints?

They aint ever got any papers

A group of guys were smoking weed at a party, when they heard a knock at the door. In a panic, they hid the joints in a cuckoo clock.

They opened the door to find two cops standing there. "It's 1:45 in the morning," said the cops. "You woke up a neighbour, who reported you to us. We hope you're not using any illegal drugs."

The cops searched through the whole house looking for anything suspicious, but didn't think to look i...

A koala bear is smoking a joint...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while...

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An Aussie favourite.

So there was a lizard who was walking through the rainforest, he looked up in the tree and saw a koala smoking a few joints. So the lizard goes up the tree and smokes a few more joints with the koala. After a little while, the lizard decides to go down to the pond to get a drink for his dry mouth, s...

What do you call a handsome tramp who hangs around liquor joints chatting up girls?

A dirty bar stud.

So I went to my Dr. and said I needed something for my joints...

He handed me a lighter

What is a common question at lizards' fast food joints?

You want flies with that?

What do you call it when a dog has chronic inflammation in its joints?

Arf-ritis...

TIL It's a myth that people's joints hurt because it's cold and damp

Turns out it's just a mist ache.

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Woke up this morning and rolled a joint

Shame it was my ankle and now I can’t fucking walk

What did the joints say to the arthritis pain?

Uh-Leave!

I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come.

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A mule and a monk open up separate burger joints, who was more successful?

Chi's Burgers was more successful, no one really went to Ass Burgers.

Republicans and Democrats came together in Congress to allow medicinal marijuana for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain

There is joint support for joints for joint support.

Deep in the Australian bush…

A lizard and a koala are sitting in a large gum smoking a joint. They’re having a blast.
Eventually the lizard says, “Dude, my mouth is so dry. I’m going to get a drink at the river.” So he climbs down the tree, makes his way through the bush and when he arrives at the river he leans in to drin...

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