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With Heaven getting full of good people, God decided to limit who got in by only allowing people who died horrible deaths.

So three men show up to the pearly gates and God asks the first man how he died.

The first man begins, "I was recently suspecting my wife of cheating on me. So one day I decided to come home early during my lunch break to check if my suspicions were real. I get to my apartment building and o...

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?

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St.peter was standing at his podium next to the gates of heaven...

He was flipping through the pages of a magazine, bored, when God appeared in a flash of light. "Peter", he said. "Heaven has become a bit overcrowded. I'm afraid we're going to have to make some changes to policy. From now on, when people approach the gates, ask them what kind of day they had. Only ...

"Tell me about the day you died."

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was hav...

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Saint Peter Decides That Heaven Is Getting Too Full

Upon deciding this Saint Peter decides that only people who have had a really bad day on the day they died will be allowed in.

The first guy comes in and SP says "Sit down and tell me about your day." To which the guy responds "Today was the shittiest of my life. I came home early because I w...

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So Mike is this straight-laced corporate workaholic...

...whose only passions in life are job, family, and the gym.

So for his 30'th birthday the wife decides to take him someplace a little racey - just so he can let his hair down and have some unconventional fun for a change.

"Oh let's NOT go here!", begged Mike as the cab pulls in fr...

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Joke From Married with children.

Fat woman comes into a shoe store.She could not fit her feet into a shoe, so she said to Al..

Fat woman: I was a size six before aerobics class, all that jumping must expanded my foot

Al: Then i see you must been fallen on your butt a time or two.

Fat woman: How dare you say th...

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A man suspects his wife is cheating on him...

so he decides to come home early and catch her in the act. When he arrives at their apartment he finds another car that he doesn't recognize. Furious, he throws the door open to find his wife, sweating and in her underwear sitting at their dining room table.

In a rage, he starts to tear throu...