UPJOKE
unreasonablesuperstitiousillogicalrationalityunreasoningincoherentblindreasonlessrationalperverseimpulsiveirresponsibleabsurdunjustunwarranted

doctor help, I have an irrational fear of Vietnamese soup.

"OK, that's a Pho-bia."

I have developed an irrational fear of elevators

Thankfully, I can take steps to avoid them.

My psychiatrist asked me if I have any irrational fears…

I was afraid that she’d ask that

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I hit a wall trying to cope with my irrational fear of sex

But I eventually got over the hump

I have this wierd irrational fear of two letter words.

I get extremely scared just thinking about it.

I am irrationally scared of places like shopping centres, particularly if they are confusing and difficult to navigate.

I have a complex complex complex.

I don't understand...

I don't understand people who use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

I guess you have to draw the line somewhere,

or people will think you're irrational.

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I keep getting confused between homophobia and claustrophobia.

Which is the one about being irrationally afraid because you’re stuck in the closet?

I have an irrational fear of overengineered buildings arranged near each other

It's a complex complex complex

I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps.

But I'm slowly getting over it.

I have an irrational fear of modern architechture

My doctor says I have a complex complex complex.

People said that I have irrational fear of lies.

Bu I'm afraid that is not true

I used to get irrationally angry at ice cubes and throw them onto the floor.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

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A man is told by a friend that he needs to seek some help for his irrational fear

So he goes to see a new therapist. The therapist asks the man what his fear is. The man responds:

"I am afraid of the Backstreet Boys"


The Therapist then responds:


"Tell me why"

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Patient: I have an irrational fear of the Backstreet Boys

Therapist: tell me why


Patient: AHHHHHHHH

I was really excited to get an offer for a new job, until I found out the pay was £3.14 per hour.

I think that’s just kind of irrational.

My irrational fear of moving stairs seems to be getting worse.

You might say it’s… escalating.

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I was talking to my therapist about my irrational fear of letters.

Me: So, I'm afraid of random letters...

Therapist: You are?

Me: *Screams*

Therapist: Oh, I see...

Me: *Screaming intensifies*

What do you call an irrational snake?

A πthon

I know its irrational, but...

Man, do I love pi.

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A man was having trouble sleeping at night....

....due to a persistent and irrational phobia of monsters being under his bed. Despite knowing that there were no such things as monsters, his brain refused to let go of the fear that had haunted him all his life. He was undergoing therapy with a psychologist, but had gotten nowhere in several years...

I started memorizing the digits of pi

Then I realized it was irrational.

I have an irrational fear of warrior princesses from different places.

You could say I'm xenaphobic

Mathematician: Doctor, I have a fear of the irrational

Doctor: Don't worry mate, all the things u worry about are just imaginary

Mathematician: That makes it even worse!

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I went to see the doctor about my irrational fear of palindromes.

Bastard prescribed Xanax.

√2, π, and -1 were having a discussion about vaccine science

It escalated into an argument and -1 was getting frustrated that his explanations were just being ignored by the others.

"This is impossible. Neither of you are listening to me." he said.

Then π asked him, "Why do you have to be *negative* all the time?"

"Forget it," said -1 as ...

Have you heard about the man with an irrational fear of empty spaces?

Nothing scares him

What do the square-root of 2 and flat-earthers have in common ?

They're both completely irrational.

Whoever named the irrational fear of long words,

didn't have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

What do Pi and anti-vaxxers have in common?

They’re both irrational.

What do you call an extreme and irrational fear of transformers?

Transphobia.

What's another name for an irrational fear of clowns?

Common sense.

I'm going to start a blog for irrational numbers...

I think I'll call it the 3.1 forums...

I'm irrationally scared of getting beaten up by a Lvl. 1 Crook

That's how my fear works.

I made an irrational decision today...

I went to a pi eating contest. It never stops.

I have an irrational fear of elevators

I always feel like they are going to let me down someday.

[OC?I just heard that superstar Phil Collins has an irrational fear of eating an inauthentic Vietnamese noodle dish.

He calls it faux-pho-phobia.

I just joined a gang called square root 2

Because I'm irrational

I don't understand why people are celebrating pi day.

It's irrational.

9 and 5 walk into a haunted house...

9 leans over and whispers "I'm squared."

5 laughs and replies "I'm not, that would be irrational."

A scientist built a robot but unbeknownst to him, the battery was damaged.

The only way to fix the battery was to sprinkle it with sodium chloride. Some chemical reaction with the combination of battery acid and sodium chloride caused the robot to act highly irrationally and attack the scientist, at which point the robot had to be detained by police.

The robot was c...

My girlfriend is like Pi.

Completely irrational.

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A parachutist is about to drop from a plane tommorow as part of a military excercise..

His mother calls him at midnight and with terror in her voice she says:
Do not go tommorow!! I saw a terrible dream, your parachute was not working and you were killed!! Please dont do it!!!
The soldier was terrified about his mothers dream but he still got into the plane. As the persons where...

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Therapist: What seems to be the problem?

Me: I have an irrational fear of those gas station slushies, y'know the ones you get for a dollar?

Therapist: I see.

Me: *Screams.*

Some numbers are insulting each other

*i* to π : your decisions are so *irrational*

1 to *i:* your expectations are too *imaginary*

π to 1: you have an absolute *unit* of a beer belly

3 to -1: you are always so *negative*

*i* to 3: don't you think you're a little *odd*?

1 to 1/2: you are only but a *...

My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

‌‌I lik‌‌e m‌‌y wome‌‌n lik‌‌e ‌‌I lik‌‌e m‌‌y mathematica‌‌l constants.

Roun‌‌d an‌‌d irrational.

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What's the best name for the groups of armed anti-stay-at-home protesters?

Vanilla Isis

Flu Klux Klan

Lack Panthers

HamAss

Meal Team Six

Gravy Seals

Irrational Guard

Y'all Qaeda

Branch Covidians

Boko Moron

The Coughedaracy

101st Chairborne

Cosplaytriots

The Yeehadis

Hogan's Ze...

My friend is blindly in love with pie.

I don't what to do with his irrational relations.

I have a fear of numbers which aren't the ratio of two integers.

It's really irrational.

Should I beat my kids?

I know I'm not supposed to, but they just make me so frustrated

My wife says I'm being irrational and getting wound up over nothing, and that if I beat them she'll be incredibly upset and won't even know what to say to me.

But you know when it's just the same stuff day in, day out. And...

5 Jokes About Pi

1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi

2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi

3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision

4. Who was the r...

I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie,

but some people say that’s irrational.

A math joke my teacher told me on Friday

A: I don't understand why people use fractions, they are pointless.
B: I mean... I like them, but you gotta know where to draw the line or people will think that you're irrational.
A: I still don't see the point I using them.

Why does the FCC Chairman have the last name "Pai"?

Because he is irrational...

A Statistician Refuses to Fly

His friend asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?"

"Irrational?" the statistician replies, "Not at all. I've merely calculated the odds of a bomb being placed on a plane and it's much too high for my comfort."

A few days later, the friend boarded a flight only to ...

A mathematician walks into a bar and says "I want √2 beers"

The bartender tells him "You're being irrational"

My wife sat down with half a pie before dinner.

Me: Are you really planning to eat pie before dinner?

Her: Its only half a pie.

Me: Its still irrational.

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We all know why 6 was afraid of 7, but why was it scared of Pi?

Because Pi is fucking irrational.

10 Ways To Insult Your Friends With Math

10. You're obtuse.

9. You're not normal.

8. You're so negative.

7. You're not natural.

6. You're irrational.

5. You're odd.

4. You're past your prime.

2. You're such a square.

1. What friends? They are all ***i***maginary!

All of my girlfriends can be divided up like numbers. You mean like sixes, eights and tens?

No. Imaginary, irrational or both.

What did the Pie say when he failed a math test?

"How did I get these simple questions wrong! I am so irrational!"

How is number π like the Bible?

Both are believed to contain all the wisdom mankind will ever have.

Most people think that one of them has a proven value. While the other is irrational.

A friend has a fear of pi.

I keep telling him it's irrational, but he doesn't listen.

My wife wanted shoes for $1000π

But I refuse to spend irrational amounts on clothing

Why did the √2 tell everyone the world is flat?

'Cause it's irrational!

Gas should cost π/gallon.

Since the price is irrational.

A: Hey, How do you manage to stay cool all the time?

B: I don’t get into arguments with stupid people. I just cut it short and say, “You’re right.”
A: But that’s completely irrational and wrong!
B: You’re right.

My friends, like numbers, fall into two categories

Odd and even?

No... imaginary and irrational.

You know what they say about Pi Day...

It really is an irrational holiday.

You've heard of Friday the 13th...

But what about the next day?
Pi Day the 14th: Irrational Fear

I was going to bake a pie in honor of today.

But it would be irrational.

Women are like numbers ...

* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.

* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.

* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.

* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.

* Every other one i...

For some reason, my friend is afraid of fractions.

It's a completely irrational fear.

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