An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first orders a mug, the second a half, the third a quarter, and so on. The bartender pours them 2 whole mugs and says, "sort it out yourselves."

How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times........

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The barten...

A group of mathematicians were recently caught for robbing,

According to the police reports, their days were numbered.

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

This might be the nerdiest joke I know. Here's a bonus mathematical nerd joke:

Why don't riddles work in octal notation?

Because seven ten eleven.

What do mathematicians often ask themselves?

"Step-function, what are you doing?"

Two physicists and two mathematicians are invited to a conference at university

(You may think you’ve heard this before but I’ve got a twist on the ending)

The four guys meet up and find a train to the conference.

At the train station, the physicists buy two tickets each, but the mathematicians only buy one.

They board the train and begin talking, but when...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

It takes forever.

Did you hear about the mathematicians who got a divorce?

There were irreconcilable differences and one was a functioning alcoholic

Did you know that the first ever musicians were also mathematicians?

Their music was based off log-rhythms

Why don't mathematicians get constipated?

They just work it out with a pencil.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.

The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines hims...

So there were 3 Mathematicians and 3 Engineers...

... and they were all traveling to the same conference. At the train station, the mathematicians each bought a train ticket, and the engineers only bought one to share between the three of them.

"What a bunch of idiots," the mathematicians said. "When the ticket master comes through, they'll ...

A group of mathematicians walks into a bar

The bartender asks, "what can I get you guys?"

The first mathematician replies, "I'll have a beer."

The second mathematician replies, "I'll have a half of a beer."

The third replies, "I'll have a fourth of a beer."

The fourth replies, "I'll have an eighth of a beer." ...

3 mathematicians walk into a bar

The bar tender asks the first, hey do you 3 want a drink, he responds “I’m not sure”
The bar tender asks the second, hey do you 3 want a drink, he responds “I’m not sure”
The bar tender, frustrated, asks the third do you 3 want a drink, he responds “yes we do”

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

Why are mathematicians always so happy?

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero...

Thanks for nothing.

Mathematicians tend to avoid sunlight

Cos tan is a sin

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What do you call horny mathematicians arguing?

Maths debating

Why do mathematicians make up for bad war generals?

They only take pride in numbers.

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