UPJOKE
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Holders Jokes

I parked up in the hospital car park this morning and this official looking bloke says that space is reserved for badge holders only.

I said I have got a bad shoulder.

Why dentist don't like PHD holders ?

cause people call them doctors.

I bought some candles but I didn't have any candle holders...

So I bought a cake.

Mitch Hedberg

How many cryptocurrency holders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. It never gets changed. The bulb is purchased but sits in the box for years until it’s useless.

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

Why are vampires very bad Product Managers?

Because they refuse to meet with stake holders

I went to park in a parking garage at a hospital the other day and the security guard stopped me and said "sir this garage is for badge holders only"

I said "I have a bad shoulder... That's why I'm here"

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read "The End is Near!"

The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.

He sped off round the co...

What does Atlas and a bra have in common?

They are both over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a single guy living alone, I get invited to dinners with family friends or my parents or friends parents places. When use the bathroom I notice that every one seems they have these toilet paper holders, like little stacks of 2 to 4 brand new toilet paper rolls in some form of stacking device.....

I think back to my place & financial situation making one Toilet roll last as long as possible, to ensure that I keep to my tight budget of living alone with a dead end job.

To me it’s like these toilet roll stacks in the bathroom feel almost like a ostentatious display of the people’s li...

how many cuckholders does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, as long as they can watch that man do it for them

What are the people involved in the beef industry called?

Steak-holders.

Why do vampires like single proprietorship model of ownership?

Coz, they are afraid of stake-holders!

What do you call the shareholders of a bankrupt company?

MiStake Holders.



(It's bad I know)

Sports joke...

Two older gentlemen, Steve and Dave, strangers until they met at the Superbowl.

Dave notes the empty seat between the two.

Steve sighs. "...that was my wife's seat. We were season ticket holders and went to every game until she passed away."

Dave says, "I'm sorry to hear that....

I invented a new kind of corn

It has a very soft center so it is easy to poke the holders into it.

I call it... softcore corn.

Don't look it up on the internet.

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

***2020 CANCELLED***

After careful consideration, we have decided that it is no longer in the best interests of everyone involved to proceed with 2020.

While we recognize that a lot of hard work has gone into preparing for 2020, if we're honest it has just turned into a bit of a sh*tshow and we feel it best just ...

Project Manager Humor

Why do Vampires make poor project managers?


Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders.

(why yes, I am a dad why do you ask?)

A boy was driving home to Minnesota from his first semester of college...

...in California for winter break. He had the car packed and he left after his last final. He wanted to make good time so he drove all night, but as the sun came up his stomach started to rumble...it was time for breakfast!

He pulled into a mom and pop diner and it looked exactly like you'd e...

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