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Cowboy rides into town....

( For cake day i suggest telling these jokes in series )

A cowboy rides into town. All the way down the main drag, he sees not a single soul.
He pulls up in front of the saloon and the only other person around is the sheriff, sitting on the porch.
He dismounts, ties up his horse, tips...

What were the two hemorrhoids doing by the back door?

Just hangin’ out.

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I was hangin' with a couple of buddies

We got really toasted & for some reason we got on the subject of porn. Weird porn. Incest porn, furry porn. Just some kinks. One of my buds pulls up a weird incest/furry porn that was really unwatchable for me. We scrolled through some thumbnails and I said "stop, go back, that one." He clicked ...

What’s the difference between chillin and hangin

They didn’t find Jeffrey Epstein chillin in his cell

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A cucumber, a pickle and a pecker were hangin out together...

they talked, and stumbled upon the topic of their demise.

Cucumber: My end sucks, when I get big, thick and juicy, they slice me up for their salads.

Pickle: wAhWaH. When I get big, thick and juicy, they grind me up into bottles for their burders.

Pecker: That ain't shit! When ...

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Old Farmer On His Death Bed

An old farmer was lying on his death bed, his doting, loyal wife by his side, holding his hand.

"You've always been there for me. Remember when we were courting, my car's handbrake failed and I broke my leg? You were there.

"And remember when I sliced off three of my fingers with the ...

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I guy walks in to a bar. Has a story to tell.

He's sat at his local, looking kind of miserable. The barman says "Hey, how ya doin'? You don't look so good ...". The guy replies "Last night ... Last night was the worst night of my life."

"Oh really?" says the barkeep, "How bad can it be?"

So the guy tells his story:

...

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How to be a macho mouse

Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other. The first mouse says, "You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat 'em like candy." The second mouse, not to be outdone says, "Oh yeah? Well, you know those mouse...

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper...

A cowboy rides into a strange town and sees carpenters finishing work on a gallows....

He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"

The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"Well," says the guy, "the man always wea...

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What did the O say to the Q?

Dude your dick is hangin out!

My roommate called the suicide hotline and they put him on hold

They just left him hangin'

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What did one boob say to the other?

- don't hang so low, they'll think we're nuts



What did one nut say to the other?

- what are we hangin' for? Peter did all the shootin'



What did one leg say to the other?

- spread out, here come two nuts driving a hot rod

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A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

A cowboy walks into a deserted bar...

He sidles up and says, "whiskey, barkeep."


The bartender gives him a whiskey, and the cowboy sips in silence. He looks up and says, "Man. It is *dead* in here. Where the hell is everyone?"


And the barkeep says, "Oh, everyone is out at the hangin'!"


"Well I'll be. Who...

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel hanging from his crotch...

The bartender asks, "What's that hangin' off ye?"

The pirate responds, "arrr! I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Guy walks into a bar out west

It's deserted except for the barkeep.

"Where's everybody?" the guy asks.
"Down at the town square. There's a hangin' today."
"Yeah? Who they hangin'?"
"Brown Paper Jack."
"Why do they call him that?"
"Well, everything about him is brown paper...chaps, shirt, hat, belt--he even ...

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Little johnny’s first 69er....

Little johnny had never had sex before and knew little about it.
He was out one night and was approached by a woman who asked if he would like to join her for some serious sex.
Johnny obliges and after undressing at her house they promptly get stuck into it.
After a while she suggests a 69e...

Drink for free

A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, How'd you like to drink for free?" The man, obviously interested, replies, "Of course! What do I gotta do?" The bar tender says, "See those pieces of meat hangin' from the ceiling over there? If you can reach up and give 'em a good slap without goin' up on...

A cowboy rode into town; at first, the streets seemed deserted, but moments later he saw a large crowd...

...It looked like the entire town was milling about the town square. A shopkeeper was nearby, one of only a few people who weren't in the square.

"What's goin' on?", queried the cowboy. The shopkeeper replied, "Today they're hangin' Brown Paper Bill."

"That's an unusual name," said the...

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Oh Shit, Not again.

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hangin out.

A policeman approaches her & says "Ma'am are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says "why officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out" he says,

She loo...

Three Nights Drunk - Folksong [Long]

Late one night when I came home
So drunk I couldn't see,
I saw a horse in the stable
Where my horse ought to be.

Wifey dear, oh wifey dear,
Oh please explain to me,
How come a horse in the stable
Where my horse ought to be?

You old fool, you stupid fool,
It's plain...

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