Number One Jokes - 27 Hilarious Number One Jokes

YSK - The number one reason house plants die is OVER watering.

The number two reason is under watering.

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Puns are the number one, highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number 2.

[fake] edit: It's your duty to post your best worst puns now.

how do you make the number one disappear?

you add “g” and its gone. poof.

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

What is the number one exported alcoholic beverage of the Caymen Islands?

Caymen Cider. I hear it's pretty filling.

What's the number one reason for requesting a medical marijuana card?

"I need it for my joints!"

How do you make number one disappear?

You flush.

I discovered the number one reason OP never delivers.

What Is the Number One Complaint from Tesla Employees?

No matter where you are in the facility it always smells a little musky.

What’s the number one item shipped by amazon?

Cardboard boxes

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A recent survey indicates that the Smartphone is now without a doubt the number one hand held device!

Closely followed by the penis which is usually held in the other hand

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Programmer: "Honey, you're my number one..."

Wife: "Oh, really!? Well who's your number zero, you cheating bastard!?"

What’s the number one use of leather in the world?

Holding cows together

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Number one reason not to have sex with puppets?

... there's always strings attached.

(I know, I'm sorry, I'll see myself out, bye now)

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What’s the number one sexually transmitted disease among wizardry students?

Hog warts.

What's the number one cause of dry skin in the US

.

towels

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

The smartphone is now the number one hand-held unit among women

and second among men.

Montana is the number one state in the country for suicidal ideation…

Which means it's a nice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there.

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Whats the number one cause of pedophilia?

Sexy kids.

What's the number one comeback on r/Jokes?

Riposte.

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A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

What's the current number one song in Russia?

Crimea river

Internet Explorer. The number one browser.....

For downloading other browsers.

New studies show that becoming a chef is the number one job for homeless people after re-integration into society...

Many cite their strong resumes as the key to their success considering they have a lot of experience pan handling.

The number one problem in the world today is apathy.

But who cares?

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Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, a surgeon, “Sorry I'm late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father, “the important thing is that we're all together today.”

...

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