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Guns Jokes

Guns are like gum...

Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you’ve been best friends since kindergarten.

I don’t understand people who commit violent crimes with guns

At least become a cop first so you get paid

The government offered to buy my guns from me

But after a thorough background check of the buyer, I am not comfortable with selling weapons to organized crime.

Biden will NEVER get my guns

I keep them upstairs

Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So?"

"Well, let me put it th...

I buy my guns from a guy called T-Rex

He’s a small arms dealer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I decided to sell some of my guns today

Times are rough, inflation is a bitch, and I need the cash so I decided to sell some of my guns.

I met the buyer at a public location, and being a responsible gun owner I decided to run a background check.

Within 5 minutes I discovered the buyer has a history of extortion, kidnapping, ...

What do you call babies with guns?

Infantry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lo...

I was cleaning one of my finger guns.

I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

3d-printers are now making guns.

Pffft, that's nothing!

I've had a Canon printer for years.

Did you know that when you shoot different guns the smoke smells different?

For example a pistol won’t have a strong smell since it’s tiny.
An Assault rifle would smell like a lot of gun powder for how fast the bullets come out.
And apparently shotguns smell like teen spirit

Some people think guns are beautiful.

I think tasers are stunning.

So if guns don’t kill people, people kill people

Does that mean toasters don’t toast toast toast toast toast?

Why do men prefer guns over woman?

You can put a silencer on a gun.

Why aren't there any guns in Harry Potter?

Because Hogwarts is in England not America.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says

"Okay, you man the guns. I'll drive."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For extra cash consider robbing sex offenders.

Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.

Only downside is politicians usually have good security.

Every body loves guns!

Everytime I show them mine, they give me free stuff.

Chocolate is like guns

if you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend

I think my wife has been putting superglue on my water gun collection.

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

3D printers are now printing guns...

That’s nothing though. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

Cats are a lot like guns

Regardless of whether you love them or you think that nobody should own them, you've probably thought about shooting one before.

Cops should start carrying t-shirt guns…

Because nothing gets someone’s hands up like a t-shirt gun

I like dillos, but I don’t support giving them guns because...

I would never armadillo.

Why are French guns the best to buy?

They've never been fired, and only dropped once.

Guns N’ Roses got their tour bus lifted

Axl Rose

What do You Call Tortilla Chips With Guns?

Loaded Nachos

My wife asked why I keep my guns in the library.

I said it's for shelf-defense.

An old man lived alone. His only son was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son.

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love,...

Guns aren’t lethal!!!

I did a survey of people who got shot and the result was that gunshots have a 100% survival rate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets pulled over by the police...

The officer asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No I don't officer," he replies

"You were speeding. That's going to be big ticket in this area."

"Well, you caught me, and while I'm at it, I might as well be honest with you. I have a dead body in the trunk along with some...

Ten years into the war, both sides ran out of bullets for their guns.

They decided to use bows and arrows instead.

But ten years later, still strong in the war, both sides ran out of arrows and flint. So both sides used swords and axes.

But a decade after that, both sides ran out of metal, and they had to resort to weapons made of wood, like bo- staffs ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For the democrats: Abortion: Yes, and guns: No

For the republicans: No abortion, but we like guns. All life is sacred


Unless it enters my fucking property
*loads shotgun*

For those of you saying the Uvalde officers disprove the "good guys with guns" defense

Remember that only applies to GOOD people.

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