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Greek God Jokes

Dated a Greek god, now I have cold sores

Thanks a lot, Herpules

I used to tell everyone I have the body of a Greek God.

But then I learn Buddah wasn't greek

What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals?

Zoos

Why don't Greek gods insult people anymore?

Because Icarus already had the sickest burn.

My wife said I look like a Greek god.

Her actual words were "Put your clothes on, we're in a museum" but I know what she meant.

What do Greek Gods do when screws get loose?

They Titan them.

Why was the greek god arrested?

cuz it committed a misDEMETER

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God...

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

Someone told me I look like a Greek god:

Incredibly vain, melodramatic fool who’s parents are probably siblings.

I look like a Greek God

painted by Picasso.

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.

On my way home yesterday, I saw a guy with interesting hair dressed up as a Greek god.

He said his name was “Afro-dite”.

Isn’t it crazy every planet is named after a Greek God except for earth?

It’s just named after that stuff on the ground.




(Norm MacDonald)

Which of the Greek gods always complained of feeling distant?

Demeter

What do you call a british person who worships the greek gods?

A Teathen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the name of the Greek god of sexually transmitted diseases?

Herpes (badumm tss)

Why was the Greek God Apollo named that?

Because he was a chicken

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Orion’s Belt doesn’t sound like it’s named after an almighty Greek God

More like it’s named after an Irish father’s punishment weapon of choice.
“You’d better behave young lad, or your arse is gonna meet O’Ryan’s belt!”

What would the Greek gods have been like without their leader?

Zeusless.

I told a girl I met online I had the body of a Greek God...

I didn't let her know the God in question was Hephaestus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

JOKE BANK

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

A: Because chickens weren't around yet.

Q: What do you call a ...

What do you call a Greek god who wants to lose weight?

A Diety

What did the Greek God say when he could finally take the world off his shoulders?

At las!

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I got a wonderful comment today! Someone told me I had the face of a Greek god.

Not too familiar with Greek gods, but apparently I look like Testicles.

My girlfriend has the body of a Greek Godess;

Imaginary

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The Gym (at 40) - Try and read this without laughing out loud!

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

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Sal the boxing promoter gets a call Saturday morning of fight night

“Hey boss, it’s Joe at the gym. Big Frank’s had an accident and broke his thumb. He can’t fight for a month”
Sal goes into a melt down. Big Frank was his heavyweight prospect and the headline of that nights card in the Big Apple. Faced with refunding the tickets he gets on the phone to all the ot...

What do you call a greek goddess with no aim?

Artemiss

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Thor's first time with a mortal woman

Thor was bored with Valhalla so one day he decided to visit the Greek gods on Mt Olympus.

Well him and Zeus hit it off, and after more than a few drinks, Thor confessed to Zeus that he'd never done any mortal women, like Zeus was famous for doing.

So Zeus says - oh you'd better get rig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Plane in a storm.

A plane gets caught up in a violent storm. Lightning bolts hit the plane several times, strong winds buffet it in all directions. All of the passengers are sure they are going to die. Some are screaming, many are throwing up, a few are praying.

Finally, an attractive, smartly-dressed business...

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