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Get One Jokes

Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”

Mirror: “You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all are getting seven years of bad luck!”

Condom: “Ha...haha....hahahaha (walks off laughing)”

My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.

It's my way or the Huawei.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girl said for every upvote this gets I get one thrust for anal

Please do not upvote, her strap-on looks really big.....

If you only bought one ticket you only get one sear

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh theater, as people were taking their seats for the show. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”

The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient.
“S...

Apparently, Stradivarius's are so rare people will literally kill for a chance to get one

Violins begets violence

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

My neighbor got a boat, so I had to get one, too.

I couldn't resist the pier pressure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers

So I did. She’s 21 and her name is Amber

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers...

... So, I did. She's 21 and her name is Megan.

PS: Even though the joke is in first person, nobody told me to get a penis enlarger.

My dads best piece of advice growing up was "you only get one chance to make a good first impression"

I've always gone with Schwarzenegger, it's recognisable and its always a crowd pleaser

You Only Get One Wish

A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three....

All I asked for this Christmas was a dictionary and I didn't get one

I'm at a loss for words.

If I get one upvote I'll get drunk by myself tonight.

Edit: Well okay, thanks Reddit, I upvoted it myself.

What do you call it when you get one dose of Pfizer and one dose of Moderna?

Arnold Pharma

Living beside a groundhog means you get one prediction every morning.

Yesterday I learned that my tomatoes will be ripe in 6 weeks.

Today I learned that my dementia is onset and early.

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A Jewish man rubs a lamp. POOF: Genie. “You get one wish.”

Jewish man pulls out a map from his back pocket and points at Israel and Palestine. “See these two countries? I wish for peace here.”
Genie: “Can’t be done. You have another wish?”
Jewish man: “Sure. Before I die, I want my wife to give me one last blowjob.”
Genie: “Can I see th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are sitting in a bar with a buy 3 get one free special

One says, "this deal is crap, we could go down the street to McVee's, it's buy two get one free"

The second guy says, "yeah well I always go to O'Donnell's, it's buy one get one."

The third says, "that's nothing, I know a bar that gives you the first *three* beers for free, then they t...

My local garden centre is doing buy one, get one free on manure.

Now that's an offer not to be sniffed at.

If you haven't bought a gun yet, you should get one

Because you'll never know when you'll be in a dark alley, and you're gonna need some money.

My nephew wanted an Xbox for his birthday but didn't get one and was very upset.

He had to be consoled.

In Cuba, you can get a slice of pie for $2.50. In the Bahamas, you can get one for $3.00.

I guess you could say those were the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

For the past twenty years, I've received a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.

First my granny dies, now this?

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