UPJOKE

Open It Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Bill and Hillary Clinton got married, Bill informed Hillary that he had a shoebox under the bed, and she was never to open it under any circumstances. Hillary agreed and promised to never open the box.

Hillary respected his wish as the years went by and kept her promise. But after several years of marriage, Hillary's curiosity got the best of her. She opened the box and found several hundred dollars in cash, and a couple of empty beer cans.

She felt guilty, and confessed to Bill that she ha...

I always knock on the fridge before I open it

Just in case there's a salad dressing

If you get an email with the subject "knock knock", dont open it.

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you gets a link called 'free porn' don't open it.

It is a birus wich deactivates your spelchek and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Lil

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it....

It's spam

PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

Open it!

My wife and her friend were out to lunch when the temperature drastically dropped. They stood by her friend’s truck, shivering, while the friend searched for a key to unlock the door. My wife asked, “Can’t we sit in the truck while you find your keys?”

If you receive an email with the title "DING DONG", do not open it!!!

It's the Jehovah's witnesses, working from home

Twelve years ago today, I buried a time capsule. Tomorrow I'm going to dig it up and open it.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy got!

Found a rusty propane tank like thing burried in my backyard today. As I open it with an angle grinder

My mind was blown

A retired man is driving his brand new, top end sports car down an empty road and decides to open it up...

(Sorry if this joke has been told on here before)

All of a sudden he sees flashing lights behind him. Speeds up at first, thinks better of it, slows down and pulls over.

Cop comes up to the window and says to the man "I got you for speeding, but I would like to know why you sped up bef...

what did the tap say to you when you struggled to open it?

Don’t faucet!

If you get an email that says "Find out what everyone is talking about in 2020" don't open it.

it's a virus.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Nuns are tasked with painting a room.

Two nuns are tasked with painting a bedroom. They are concerned about getting paint all over their outfits, so they lock themselves inside and strip out of them and begin painting in their underwear. All is going well until there is a knock at the door. “Who is it?” They ask. “Blind man,” is the rep...

I can always tell what’s in a Christmas present before I even open it.

It’s a gift

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having a bath when the postman knocked on the door. I rushed downstairs to open it.

"Fucking hell, put some clothes on next time!"

"Sorry. This job gets really boring," he replied.

Heard this at a wedding

A woman and her husband had been married for 60 years and had remained faithful and loving this entire time. However, the woman did have one secret; a shoebox in her closet. The shoebox itself was not a secret, but the wife had told the husband that he was never to open or ask about the box, so the...

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