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Eloquent Jokes

What do you call an eloquent dinosaur?

Thesaurus Rex.

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Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York.

She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. She referred to her time as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.

 

Although Hillary was vague a...

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A man goes to the circus

A young man named John was a huge fan of the circus all the way through childhood, he had a huge affection for the acrobatics, showmanship and the hilarious clowns.

Finally, one day, a circus came to his tiny village and he saved all his money to make the trip.

He had a great time, the...

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Poets are like terms of service contracts

They use many words and elaborate eloquent language to describe how they are going to fuck you.

A Russian and an American are in a bar talking about democracy

At one point, the American shouts “The problem with you Russians is, you don’t understand democracy!”. To which the Russian eloquently responded “What do you mean? We got Trump elected didn’t we?”

A man was being interviewed at a job interview...

... and the interviewer was thoroughly impressed.

The man was eloquent in speaking and seemed highly fit for the job.

However, one question lingered in the interviewer’s mind...

“So you seem very skilled and fit for the job. However, I have one question, why were you unemployed...

A husband, wife, and son arrive at the entrance to an English royal palace for an evening dinner...

Before each guest enters the palace, a butler formally introduces each family to the guests with an announcement. As the family approaches the butler at the entrance, the butler asks:

Butler: “And your family name, sir?”

Husband: “Bates”

The butler opens the door and with loud ...

A poor student writes to his dad for help.

Being the eloquent teen he is, all he can muster is;

"No mon, no fun, your son."

To which the father replies;

"Too bad, so sad, love dad."

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A boy walks in on his father in the shower.

"What's that?" He asks. "This is a penis, son," his father replies. "In fact," he continues, deciding to boast: "This is the world's most perfect penis." The son then leaves.

Later, the boy is playing outside with his sister when he has to pee, so he goes over to a tree and pulls down his pa...

It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"

A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.

A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4.

An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writ...

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar

They all begin discussing their own churches and synagogue. As the night goes on, they drink more and more, and the discussion starts to turn competitive. Each starts to boast about how eloquent they are, and how great they are at converting non believers. Eventually, the bartender gets sick of it. ...

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Walking Eagle

Barack Obama spoke for nearly an hour at the American Indian Convention,
referring to the audience as his red brothers and red sisters. Obama promised the native Americans
expanded job opportunity, improved living conditions and a higher standard of living.
Although detail was vague or l...

Beautiful Buns

From my father.

So there was this man and woman whom had been married for many years and were still very much in love. Their anniversary was coming up and the wife wanted to do something very special for her husband and comes up with a wonderful gesture.

She goes to a tattoo parlor an...

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Danish, French and Italian women ...

A Danish guy, a Frenchman and an Italian man got together in a bar in Berlin after attending the long and boring business conference. Their talk drifted to the subject of women, of course, with each man claiming that the women in their home country were the sexiest and most sensual.

"If we we...

German Gameshow

edit: Helps to read this poem out loud :D

There was a popular German gameshow where contestants would take part in various activities for a grand prize of 1 million euro.


After a very successful run it was time for the final episode and there were only two contestants left: an old...

Peter Pan and Captain Hook agree to a truce. (LONG)

After years upon years of fighting, kidnapping/fairynapping, and pilfering, the two rivals decide to agree to a truce, as both are realizing that their hearts are no longer in the fight. They agree that Pan and the Lost Boys will stay mostly on the mainland, and Hook and the Pirates will stay out to...

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A man's best friend

A man decides to get a mascot and heads to the pet store. He began to walk up and down the aisles looking at the different animals available but found fault with each. Dogs needed to be walked constantly. Cats are loners. Ferrets smell. Fish are boring. Snakes are, well, snakes. After roaming around...

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