There's two fish in a tank

One turns to the other and says;

How do we drive this thing?

Don't worry, plenty of more fish in the sea

Except wherever the Chinese fishing fleet has been.

Who’s the wealthiest fish in the sea?

Gill Gates, the flounder of Mackerelsoft

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act. "You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket" But, officer, I didn't catch these -- they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket.

"Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll let you go."r>
The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens.

Game warden: So where are the fish?

Fisherman: What fish?

What do you call a fish in a band

A bassist

I woke up with fish in my ears this morning

Ended up with a herring problem

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend was having trouble with girls, so I told him there's plenty fish in the sea

He's since been charged with beastiality.

They always say that there’s more fish in the sea

But it’s kinda hard to catch fish when your rod is too short.

What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl?

Nuclear fishin'.

“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea,

but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?

Because they don't have pockets.

Don't eat the fish in France.

They're literally poisson.

Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?

-Because the other fish were crying.

Did you hear about the two fish in the tank?

One drove and the other one controlled the big gun

Theres a live fish in a restaurant

Upon accepting his fate ge says to the chef in defeat "Fillet me to rest."


(i think i made it up myself could use some work probably)

What is the tightest fish in the sea?

Cheap skate

Earlier today I saw a fish in a hospital waiting room going up to people and giving them medical advice.

I said "Oi fish, stop that, what do you think you're doing?!"

He said "Don't worry about it, it's ok... I'm the Sturgeon General".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a fish in the stream who was looking up at a fly...

...the fish thought, “boy if that fly drops 6 inches, I would have myself a nice meal.”
Meanwhile, there is a bear sitting behind a tree, looking at the fish who was looking at the fly. The bear is thinking, “boy if that fly drops 6 inches and that fish goes up to get it, I’ll go grab that fish ...

Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?

Because of the indoor fins.

What do fish in middle school worry about?

Shellfishteem.

I put all my fish in their new tank, but they don't seem to be liking it very much.

Perhaps I should have added water.

There were two fish in a tank...

One fish said to the other "Who's driving this thing?"

(I know its lame but its the joke our dad has been telling us for years and I thought maybe you guys havn't heard it)

What is the cheesiest fish in the sea?

The baragouda. The fruitiest one is the bananatee.

Who's the richest fish in all the world?

Gill Bates.

They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but what happens when someone can’t catch any fish?

They become master baiters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)

• Drinkand Dr.

• Vicious Circle

• West 943,185th Street

• Psycho Path

• Peoples Ct.

• Nofriggin Way

Back in the olden times it was hard to find fish in New orleans

But somehow, every day there was a man in the market who always had fish,

So one of the people of the market asked the man how he always got his fish, the man said "I tell you what, you can go fishing with me tomorrow and I'll show you how"

The next day the market person and the man we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the stupidest fish in the sea?

A dumb bass.

I bought the love of my life some fish from Washington, but she dumped me immediately afterwards.

Oh well, there's plenty more fish in DC.

A man walks into a bakery with a goldfish in a bowl under his arm and says “Do you have fish cakes?” The lady behind the counter replies, “No”.

That’s a shame he says “It’s his birthday.”

John goes fishing on a lake in America where it's usually illegal to go fishing.

He just filled up the bucket when he suddenly gets approached by a police officer.

"Mr. John, it's illegal to fish here" said the police officer "I'm going to have to fine you".

"You don't understand" said John "These are my fish."

The police officer is puzzled by this.

...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.