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Fish In Jokes

They say there are plenty of fish in the sea.

But until you catch one you’re just holding your rod.

My grandfather told me this one not long before he died

A man is in his boat out on the lake with a bucket full of fish that he had just caught. A wildlife officer spots him and pulls his boat up alongside. Seeing the bucket of fish in the man's boat, the wildlife officer asks to see his fishing license.

The man tells the officer that he doesn't n...

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?

-Because the other fish were crying.

Two fish in a tank.

One says: How do you drive this thing?

What do you call a fish in a bowtie?

sofishticated :)

There are two fish in a tank

First fish turns to the second fish and says "you work the guns, I'll drive"

"Poor Old fool” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub…

So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Classic Catholic Joke, “The Son of a Bitch”

I’ve been Catholic all of my life, and this is one of my favorite jokes of all time.

One of the parish priests from the Cathedral went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish & proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the ...

Two fish in a tank...

"Why are we in a tank?"
"Never mind that, how can we afford enough fuel to drive it back to Moscow?!"

Who’s the wealthiest fish in the sea?

Gill Gates, the flounder of Mackerelsoft

Watching tropical fish in a tank can be very relaxing.

It’s the indoor fins.

Don't worry, plenty of more fish in the sea

Except wherever the Chinese fishing fleet has been.

What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl?

Nuclear fishin'.

what do you call a can of fish in a misspelled french garden?

Jardines

(Got inspired by a video game for this one)

Don't eat the fish in France.

They're literally poisson.

Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?

Because they don't have pockets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

Theres a live fish in a restaurant

Upon accepting his fate ge says to the chef in defeat "Fillet me to rest."


(i think i made it up myself could use some work probably)

There were two fish in a tank...

One fish said to the other "Who's driving this thing?"

(I know its lame but its the joke our dad has been telling us for years and I thought maybe you guys havn't heard it)

What is the tightest fish in the sea?

Cheap skate

Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act. "You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket" But, officer, I didn't catch these -- they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket.

"Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll let you go."r>
The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens.

Game warden: So where are the fish?

Fisherman: What fish?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend was having trouble with girls, so I told him there's plenty fish in the sea

He's since been charged with beastiality.

Did you hear about the two fish in the tank?

One drove and the other one controlled the big gun

What do fish in middle school worry about?

Shellfishteem.

Who's the richest fish in all the world?

Gill Bates.

Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?

Because of the indoor fins.

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