A man’s printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.
A friendly young man informed him, “Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.”
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, “Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage...
Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."
After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Someone I faintly know said to me
"I see you don't cut your hair any longer".
"Of course not you silly twat, I cut it shorter"
One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...
He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...
A re-purposed religious joke for current events
A man went out without a mask, and was met with glaring eyes everywhere he went. He finally got to the store when someone confronted him as he got in.
"Sir, I'm going to need you to put on a mask. It's policy to wear one when you come in" said the guard blocking the doorway.
"No! I d...
The night Beethoven was buried
The graveyard attendant was walking by his grave and he swore he could faintly hear Beethoven’s 9th symphony playing in reverse. The next night as he walked past the grave, he could hear Beethoven’s 8th symphony playing in reverse. This happens all throughout the week for this man. The graveyard att...
An abbot takes over a monastery, and just as he’s settling in, one of the monks comes to his door and says “Father, I am going into town – could I borrow twenty dollars for a legover?”.
Being something of an innocent, the abbot hands over twenty dollars with a faintly puzzled expression, but doesn’t ask.
Next morning another monk comes to the abbot’s door and again says “Father, I am going into town – could I borrow twenty dollars for a legover?”.
Still the abbot asks...
A woman seated while flying in economy and holding her baby in her arms, was startled when the man sitting behind her bent forward to say "Ma'am that is one ugly baby you have there!"
The woman, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, was so shocked she could barely retort "Well I ... I never!"
The man continued: "I'm just being honest with you ma'am, I mean, I've seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is a real showstopper".
Quite overwhelmed, the woman called a fligh...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man dies and goes to hell...
He arrives in hell to find Satan standing behind a podium, like a game show host, there are 3 doors behind him, marked 1,2 and 3, coloured Red, White and Blue.
The man walks up to Satan, Satan says “ Choose a door, but beware, once in you cannot leave” The man asks “ well what’s behind the do...
A man was recruited for a space colony
He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.
"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...