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Flashes Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man drives by a police camera and it flashes...

A man drives by a police camera and it flashes. Relatively sure that he was not speeding, he goes around and drives by the camera again, this time keeping an eye on his speed and going 10 mph under the limit and it still flashes.

Surprised, he goes around and drives by a 3rd time, this time g...

A man flashes a woman at the grocery store

She says " Oh my gosh ! Thank you ! I almost forgot to get baby carrots

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell. They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman.

“What’s going on here?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!"

The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting ...

One day on the playground at school, a little boy flashes a little girl...

He then says, "ha ha I've got one of these and you don't."

The little girl not bothered by this went on about her business.

This continues ever day for weeks. Finally the little girl has had enough and tells her mom. Her mom tells her exactly what to do.

The next day on the p...

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

A man flashes two old nuns on a bench. The first nun has a stroke

The second couldn't quite reach

What's the flashes favorite element?

Barium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men go to hell and they’re pissed

“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”

Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with”
...

I dreamed this joke

Seems quite strange, but in my dream I came up with this joke, and upon waking it actually makes sense as a joke to my great surprise. Usually when you have flashes of inspiration in a dream you wake up and realise it made absolutely zero sense.

Here's the joke.

Two horses were best ...

A redittor has a lethal accident, in their final moments their whole life flashes before their eyes...

Their last thought... "Repost"

It was to be the biggest scientific press conference of the decade.

Geneticist Rick Hallorann spoke to the crowds of reporters, camera flashes illuminating his face.

"The time has finally come for the first human cloning experiment to be performed," he began. "The technology for us to clone humans has been around since the eighties - but only now, after plent...

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.

Surprised, the first lady had a stroke. The second lady also had a stroke. The third lady, though, declined to touch it.

A man is driving to work when he notices the flash of a traffic camera.

He figures that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knows that he wasn’t speeding. Just to be sure, he circles the block and passes the exact same spot, driving even slower this time through. Again, the camera flashes. He thinks it is hilarious, since he was obviously ...

A blonde walks into a blind date

“Nice to meet you” she says to her date as they seat themselves in the booth

“So tell me about yourself. What do you do for work?” She asks the man

“Oh I’m an optometrist” he replies

The blonde flashes a big smile and says “I think this is going to work out after all, I’m a gl...

Putin steps away from the war room to use the restroom...

As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. He hears his men running around and without hesitation he jumps up, pulls up his pants and runs our to see what the commotion is.

He asks the next in command the situation: "ICBM Mr President!"

Putin replies "I WAS IN A HURR...

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