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Exceeded Jokes

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've seen a ton of shit in my lifetime but this year exceeded everything.

I need to stop looking in toilets.

A sophisticated-looking lady was returning by plane from Switzerland

She talked to the Father sitting next to her, "Excuse me, Father, may I ask you a favor?"


The priest replied, "Of course, my child, what can I do for you?"


The woman explained, "Here's my problem: I bought myself a new epilator and paid quite a lot of money for it. I thin...

A frog goes into a bank

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mic...

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John gets pulled over on the highway for speeding...

John: "Is there a problem officer?"

Cop: "You exceeded 80 in 55 zone. May I see your license?"

John: "ahhhh, why don't I spare you the trouble, officer? I don't have a license, so I shouldn't be driving this car that I jacked from this dude I just killed. The gun I used is right here ...

It was late at night .....

It was late at night and the police were out checking for erratic driving.

They spotted a car travelling alone along the dual carriageway and decided to follow it. The car never exceeded the speed limit, gave all the correct signals as it left the main road and when they ...

Story about Kenny Loggins

Was reading this story today about Top Gun, and found another story about Kenny Loggins. Apparently he was part of a recent program to clone musicians and artists, to isolate and modify the genes responsible for creativity. There was a limit of the number of clones that could be created, and at one ...

Hipster filmographer

A wealthy businessman had found himself to be the subject of a documentary. For the first day of filming he was to meet the camera man at the airport where he would be departing for a lengthy business trip. When the camera man arrived, the businessman was taken aback to see a full blown hipster. D...

The CIA is testing recruits

Out of more than 300 who aspired to become elite special agents only three made it to the final test: Two men and a woman. During weeks in which they reached and exceeded physical and psychological limits they proved time and time again that they are better than all others. Now, they are facing the ...

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Who is this?

An old Russian Jew, left behind decades ago when the rest of the family fled to Israel, had finally been granted permission to leave by the Soviet government. But not without a few last indignities. When he arrived at the airport, his luggage was confiscated and thoroughly searched in front of him. ...

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3 guys show up at heaven at the same time...

... St. Peter is at the gate, and informs the first one in line that, because heaven has exceeded its quota for the month, under direct orders from the man himself, he is to let in only those that have died untimely or unfortunate deaths.

Understanding this, the first guy begins to tell his ...

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