Embalm Jokes - 12 Hilarious Embalm Jokes

Where do you buy embalming fluid?

At the coroner store.

A woman walks into an embalming and burial service office

The depressed-looking woman goes up the embalmer and says, "My husband died a few days ago in a car crash. When he died, he was in a black suit. It would be very nice if you could change his suit into one that is blue after embalming him. Blue was his favorite color, so I hope you understand." The e...

It seems I passed my mummy embalming exam...

It was a no brainer!

My wife hates it when I work from home

I am an embalmer

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Joe the janitor reports for his first night of work at a funeral home.

One of his first tasks is to sweep and mop the embalming room floor while the embalmer is eating dinner. Joe is alone in the room, out of curiousness he looks under the sheet covering a corpse on the embalmers table. The body lays face down. With a giant cork protruding from the . Joe taps on ...

Trump goes to Israel

and while praying at the wailing wall, suffers a massive heart attack and dies. The Israeli diplomat says they can bury him in the Holy Land for 100 bucks or embalm him and ship him back for 50k. The American diplomat opts for the 50k option. The Israeli asks “why take the most expensive solution...

My uncle, who is an army funeral director, almost became president of the United states.

Yes he was a barrack embalmer.

Do you know what the scientific term is for injecting disinfectant?

Embalming

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Two morticians alternated in sharing the responsibility of covering the night shift.

One early morning about 3:00 am, a body was brought into the
mortuary, and the mortician began work. When he had unclothed the corpse,
he noticed a cork in the . Removing it, the strains of "Hello, Dolly,
well, hello, Dolly...!" were plainly heard being sung. He put the cork
back, an...

Who has the easiest job in the world right now?

Joan Rivers' embalmer.

Grown-ups fooled us by making us think we would be superheroes on adulthood

Firefighter, Broker, Waterboy, Machinist, Driller, Embalmer, Goldsmith, Hydrologist, Lifeguard, Naturopath

What’s your favorite preservative salt, vinegar, lemon?

Mine’s embalming fluid.

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