UPJOKE
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you ever hear about Darth Vader's other daughter, Ella Vader?

She's really going up in the world.

She has been shot (up).

Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion s...

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"Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"

She can scream all she wants, I'm not giving her my fucking umbrella.

The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week.

Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". Stupid and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.

A pregnant wife told her husband

“John you may name our daughter anything you want but not Ella.”
John not paying attention asked “Why not Ella?”
The wife said “It doesn’t matter, but please I am begging you, not Ella”
The confused husband when filling out the birth certificate wrote “Nutella”

Everyone knows about Darth Vader, but very few people talk about his wife.

Ella wasn’t great at conquering planets but she did make it easier to navigate the Death Star.

Sherlock Holmes arrives back at Baker Street as Watson is heading out of the door.

"Where are you off to Watson?"

"Oh, I've got a date with Ella from down the road. She left me a note for where to meet." Says Watson, "see you in a few hours!" and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

30 minutes later, Watson returns.

Sherlock is sitting in his chair, smok...

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The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

"Give it to me" she begged,"Give it to me..." "I'm so wet, oh god, I'm so wet...I want it NOW!" She screamed....

But,there's no way I would give up that umbrella, to anyone.

I have a pet fish that I named Ella.

She is a pretty fish, a salmon. I show her off to my friends and say “This is Salmon Ella”.

I stole a girls umbrella

That means I've made a girl wet

A Blue Bell ice cream walks into a bar . . .

“We don’t serve your kind here!” shouts the bartender, angrily.

“But I know for a fact that you served Ben & Jerry just hours ago!” retorts the ice cream, offended.

“Yeah, but we don’t serve Sam & Ella.”

Nicki Minaj is pregnant with Sam 'n Ella twins.

After apparently a guy named Romaine tossed her salad.

My friends 10 yo daughter made this up while in the elevator today: "Did you know Darth Vader has another daughter?"

Mom: "No, who?"
Daughter: "Ella, Ella Vader."

What do you call a pachyderm who sings jazz?

Ella Fantzgerald

You know Darth Vader actually did get married.

Even though he’s kind of a downer she’s much more uplifting… her name is Ella

I was trying to track down a man and a woman, so I set a trap, and baited it with raw chicken.

And that's how I got Sam and Ella.

My grandmother Eleanor gave me her fantastic seafood recipes

But nobody wants to try my Salmon Ella.

What do you call white chocolate hazelnut spread?

Nut-ella (I’m sorry I’m terrible at jokes)

Say what you will about Darth Vader

But his sister Ella really takes things to another level.

I must've eaten raw chicken when I named my kids

Because I ended up with Sam and Ella

Who is Darth Vader's wife?

Ella-Vader

There was a movie about a Mexican girl that was bitten by a radioactive salmon..

and of course she gained superpowers and became Salmon Ella.



The movie did great in Mexico, but unfortunately just made American audiences sick.

I met Darth Vader’s wife at the mall yesterday.

Nice gal, her names’s Ella.

What’s the name of the Disney princess that got burned?

Cinder-ella

Three Amish ladies are in a field picking potatoes

Their husbands names are Jake, Jacob and Jakey. They would always get confused. So one day they decided to nickname them. Mabel said "lets name them after soda pop", the other two said "what do you mean?". Mabel said she would go first and said " I'll call my Jacob 7-Up because he has 7 inches and i...

What did the mathematician order at the Spanish restaurant?

A π-ella

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Donald Trump decides to visit Mexico to see the progress of his border wall.

While out in the middle of the hot sun he notices a pond of water by a farm. Thirsty, after having drunk all the water he brought with him, he decided to kneel down and take a drink.

An older Mexican man approaches him and says “No bebas el agua, las vacas se han cagado en ella.” (Translated...

The man who invented the umbrella was going to call it brella.

When asked, he hesitated.

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.

That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

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