This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Visitor to London

A tourist is sat on his own in a small bar in Shoreditch, waiting for his friends. After a moment, two girls arrive, sit down at the table next to him and are soon deep in conversation, waiting for their drinks to be served.

New to the city, he decides to take a chance to strike up a conversa...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good but he can't let his people down so when they ask him if snow is coming he tells them.

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood an...

A farmer was out tending his flock when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from a stream.

He shouted over in Welsh: “Don't drink the water! It's disgusting! There's sheep poo in it!”

The man at the stream lifted his head and carried on drinking. Realising the man couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and shouted the same thing in Welsh again.

But still the man couldn't...

My wife and I were walking down the street.

My wife and I were walking down the street when she spotted the mayor of our town.
"You should go introduce yourself" she said.

I replied "I have known him for years why should I?"

"You do not know the mayor!" she exclaimed. It was then that we walked up and talked to the mayor fo...

Damned if you do

Grandad: My sister drowned in a pond. Dreadfully sad...

Me: Oh my God, that's terrible!

Grandad: Not really. If she'd floated, we would have had to burn her!

A groaner for you all...

A rabbit hops its way into a trendy cafe in Melbourne.

It says to the nonplussed waiter, "I've munched my way from Sydney to here and I'd like something different to eat."

"What would you like?" asks the waiter.

"A leaf of fresh lettuce between two pieces of toasted white bread,...

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