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Develope Jokes

I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.

I just came to that realization.
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It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State

Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.
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I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.

I'm taking steps to avoid them.
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Einstein developed a theory about space...

And, boy, it was about time, too!
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Why are the developers of NoMansSky called Hellogames?

Because you never get a goodbuy from them
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My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties.

He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jane had developed a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing, got completely naked and laid down on...

Why does developer love dark theme?

Because light attracts bugs
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A SQL developer walks into a bar...

He approaches two tables and asks, "May I join you
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Two software developers

So, there were two friends who had worked together as software developers for a long time. One day, one of them died of a heart attack. The night after the funeral, the remaining guy had a dream in which his dead friend told him that he had two pieces of news - one good and one bad. The good news wa...
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Did you know all Chernobyl victims developed perfect eyesight?

They had 20/20 fission.
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I think I’ve developed a phobia of German sausages

I keep on fearing the wurst
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What does a bad developer and my mom have in common?

Both pushed a disaster.
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Why are jokes about game developers always so funny?

They work on so many levels
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I've recently developed a treatment for anger management issues.

It's called "Damitol".
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The makers of Viagra have announced that they have developed a pill to increase the wetness in women.

They're calling it Niagra.

A software developer walks into a pub

A software developer walks into a pub:

Runs into a pub,

Crawls into a pub,

Dances into a pub,

flies into a pub,

and orders:

1 Beer

2 Beers

"qwertyuiop" Beers

Beers

\-1 Beers

Content, he leaves

A customer walks in and...
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How can you tell a developer from an astronomer?

You ask them what does JWT stands for
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Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees,

then names the streets after them.
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Tom, a successful Real estate developer was 65 and just married Candy, 44 years his junior

After they came back from their honeymoon they did a party for all of their friends. At the party one of Tom friends asked him:

“Hey man I know you got money and all but how did you land a woman so good looking and so young?”

Tom replies: “well, to be honest I lied about my age and hea...
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What does the software developer say when he gives someone an STD?

Uh-oh, I deployed a bug.
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So now I've developed an allergy to honey :(

It brings me out in hives.
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Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...

Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.
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All the characters in Harry Potter are so well-developed. Well, except Nearly-headless Nick...

He was poorly executed.
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What is the best advice for new software developers?

Google it.
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what is the difference between java and kotlin Android developers?

Java developers have no fun
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An EA developer dies and gets do decide if wheather he wants to go to heaven or to hell.

First, he checks out heaven and sees that it's pretty standard stuff, angels, clouds, peace, but nothing really interesting.

Then he checks out hell. Really cool parties going on all over the place, infinite amount of drinks and drugs, beautiful women everywhere.

Obviously, he chooses ...
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What is a web developer's favorite sport?

<body> building
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Death Penalty Abolished In Most Of The Developed Countries

They have mortgage as an alternative.
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All web developers hate finding bugs in their work.

Except spiders
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During the summer a local police station developed a mosquito problem

They deployed the swat team.
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A man was always travelling by plane everywhere. Because of that, he spent so much time on airports he developed an illness.

It was terminal.
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I have have developed cat-like reflexes.

By which I mean an irresistible urge to curl up and nap on any freshly made bed.
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What did the web developer say after oral sex?

</head>

A mechanic, an engineer and a Microsoft developer are driving in the middle of nowhere

when a tire burst. They stop and check the trunk : no spare wheel.

The mechanic say: well, looks like we have to walk back to the last village we crossed and call a tow truck.

The engineer: wait a sec, we should not rush. Let’s analyse all our options and evaluate the probability of ea...
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The guy who developed Fractals..

The guy who developed fractals was Benoit B Mandelbrot, I heard the 'B' stood for 'Benoit B Mandelbrot'
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Why do Java developers wear glasses?

Because they can't C#.
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I've developed my own style of martial arts that involves defenestration.

I call it Yeet Kune Do.
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A gamer walks into a bar...

...and asks the barkeep "you got a console to play on?" And the barkeep says "yeah, but only have one game for it." The gamer shrugs, orders a cider and sits down to play.

While he's playing another guy walks in and says "hey, that guy with the cider is playing my game!" And the barkeep asks...

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I've recently developed an addiction to Viagra...

It's been the hardest 3 weeks of my life.

I was reading that they had developed a breast prosthetic made of oak

That would be really weird, wooden tit?
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This new software developer is so socially awkward …

… he failed the Turing Test.
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How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.
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What's the difference between America and a Yogurt?

If you left a Yoghurt alone 200 years it would develope a culture.

I hope it's not repost
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As get older, I’ve developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam.

It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.
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Once I had developed my IQ

my life changed 360 degrees
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A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...
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DeveloperJokes

Fixing someone else's code is like fixing someone else's relationship. "What the fuck lynda, I didn't even know what I did in the first place, Don't ask me to fix what you did."

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My wife has developed a fetish with salad items...

Earlier today she spent an hour trying to force a lettuce into my ass.

And that was just the tip of the iceburg

I went to a science seminar and they announced they'd developed an acid that ate through everything.

I asked them what they kept it in.
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Why can’t software developers distinguish between Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 == DEC 25

(hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!)
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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
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Why do frontend developers eat lunch alone?

Because they don't know how to join tables.
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Isis have developed

isis have developed an explosive prayer mat they are selling like hot cakes.prophets are going through the roof
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A developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden...

...but he didn't have root access.
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A man badly damaged his dick in an accident

The surgeon says “we’ve developed a new technique that can rebuild your penis, using a section of an elephant’s trunk”; so the guy decides to go ahead.

The operation is a great success. A couple of weeks later, he’s having dinner at a restaurant with his wife. Suddenly his dick bursts out of ...

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Do you ever wonder if the web developers behind Pornhub were inspired by Kevin Costner & Field of Dreams

If you build it, they will cum

I interview with a Russian software developer company the other day. I asked if they use popular development frameworks

They said .NyET
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A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason and sentenced to death by guillotine.

# This comment deleted to protest Reddit's API change (to reduce the value of Reddit's data).

Please see [these](https://web.archive.org/web/20230609092523/https://old.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/) [threads](https://web.archive.org/web/2...
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The vagina is the greatest engine ever developed.

It accepts any size piston, it is self-lubricating, and it does it's own fluid change once a month. It's just a shame that the management system can be so temperamental.

The government has developed machines that will pick litter up from the beach.

I saw one the other day, but unfortunately it was malfunctioning and was grabbing birds off the shoreline instead.

I thought "Well, that took a tern."
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“A friend of mine developed a strange addiction and drinks brake fluid.

When I warned him of the dangers, He said " No worries, I can stop anytime."
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In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"
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Why did the developer go broke?

Because he used up all his cache.
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Why did the game developer say the sky was blue?

So everyone would have to go outside to check
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I developed a successful chicken social network app to make more money.

I didn’t do it for the glory I did it to make hens meet.
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A Software Developer walks into a bar

A Software Developer walks into a bar

Bartender: "you having the usual?"

Software Developer thinks for a while
and then says "Yes"

Bartender: "What took you so long to answer?"

Software Developer: "Sorry, I got cache issues."
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Why don’t developers carry guns?

They have troubleshooting.
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They developed a toilet for the space station for two reasons:

Number one, and, of course, number two.
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I think the US government developed a pregnancy fetish when they saw my paycheck

They really do fuck me hard when I've been in labor more than 40 hours in a week.

They developed a computer program to write the musical version of "An Inconvenient Truth"

It's running a new Al Gore rhythm.
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I've recently developed a paranoia for German sausages.

I feel the wurst is yet to come.
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In the 1930s, the Italians developed an engine fuel technology that used household spices.

It’s true. Mussolini made the trains run on thyme
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My girlfriend recently developed a lazy eye.

I think she started seeing people on the side.
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I developed a new crunchy snack made out of duck bills.

I call them Quackers.
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The co-founder of Adobe who developed the PDF file format has died.

The funeral viewing will be a closed casket since it's too much trouble trying to open it.
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