So, there were two friends who had worked together as software developers for a long time. One day, one of them died of a heart attack. The night after the funeral, the remaining guy had a dream in which his dead friend told him that he had two pieces of news - one good and one bad. The good news wa...
A software developer walks into a pub
A software developer walks into a pub:
Runs into a pub,
Crawls into a pub,
Dances into a pub,
flies into a pub,
and orders:
1 Beer
2 Beers
"qwertyuiop" Beers
Beers
\-1 Beers
Content, he leaves
A customer walks in and...
What does the software developer say when he gives someone an STD?
Uh-oh, I deployed a bug.
What is the best advice for new software developers?
Google it.
Why can’t software developers distinguish between Halloween and Christmas?
Because OCT 31 == DEC 25
(hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!)
This new software developer is so socially awkward …
… he failed the Turing Test.
A Software Developer walks into a bar
A Software Developer walks into a bar
Bartender: "you having the usual?"
Software Developer thinks for a while and then says "Yes"
Bartender: "What took you so long to answer?"
Software Developer: "Sorry, I got cache issues."
Why do most software developers need glasses?
Because they can't C#
My software developer candidate brought his pet to the interview
He produced perfectly valid Python.
How does a software developer call the sunrise?
Sunget
How many software developers does it take to fix a light bulb?
none, its a hardware issue.
A software developer dies and comes to the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter looks at the screen of his PC and says: "Sorry, I cannot let you in. There are bugs in the enrollment system and since you are a software developer, you must fix them first."
So the software developer takes a seat at St. Peter's desk and tries to fix the bugs for hours and hours, ...
Shortest joke a software developer can tell:
“I’ll be ready soon.”
Why did the software developer go broke?
He used up all his cache !
My software developer friends tell me to stop exposing them to COVID-19 jokes...
.. but I tell them it's the best way to achieve nerd immunity.
A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.
The car stops working.
-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.
-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.
-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it wi...
How can you tell when a Software Developer is an extrovert ?
He looks at *your* shoes when he's talking to you.
Why do software developers always say 'it works on my machine'?
It's a regular expression.
A software developer claims to have written a condition that detects items larger than medium size.
Big if true.
What did the wheelchair-bound software developer say when asked to speak at an Apple Keynote?
"Sorry, but I don't do stand-up comedy."
What do you call a software developer who's also a gynecologist?
Front-end
A Woman sends her husband - a software developer - out for groceries.
She says to him: "We don't need a lot. Please get us a loaf of bread; and if they have free-range eggs please bring six."
The husband returns with nothing but six loaves of bread: "They had free-range eggs."
If software developers made cars
They would cost $500, get 200 miles per gallon, and once a year would explode. Killing everyone inside.
Attorney at law
Saying you're an attorney at law is like saying you're a software developer at programming or that you're a policeman at racism
I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.
Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!
Signed, Richard Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer
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