Cycle Path Jokes - 28 Hilarious Cycle Path Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black piece of asphalt walks into a bar

A black piece of asphalt walks into a bar and slams his fist down on the bar loudly proclaiming, "I demand a free drink because I'm the toughest motherfucker in here!" The barman, not wanting any trouble, hands the piece of asphalt a beer.

About 20 minutes pass when another piece of asphalt w...

My son came up with this joke, I'm pretty proud of him

What do you call a murderer who rides a pedal bike?

A cycle path!

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.

15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.

The bartender notices this ...

What do you call a maniac on a bicycle?

A cycle path

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two lengths of tarmac (asphalt) walk into a pub

They strut up to the bar and order a couple of Guinness and after a few gulps each begin to tell the barman how hard they are.

Having heard it all before but happy for the company, the barman encourages them and pours another two pints of Guinness.

By their third pint, their tales are ...

There was this guy on the road

There was this guy on the road who was found painted grey with a white push bike symbol painted on. He said he lays down on roads to camouflage himself waiting for people to ride their bikes over him because he enjoyed the feeling.

This guy was a real cycle path.

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2 Bicyclists are riding down a bike path

The bike path goes by a lake, and through some trees. It's a moderately traveled path, but gets its fair share of riders. The bicyclists in question were riding down it on an otherwise pleasant day, when suddenly they reach a rough patch in the path. It looks contorted and discolored from the rest o...

A grey piece of tarmac rolls into a bar

He says "I'm the biggest and toughest piece of tarmac around, and I'll fight anybody in here."

The barman says "if you're so tough, go fight that red piece of tarmac over there."

The grey piece of tarmac looks over at the red piece of tarmac and says "I'm not fighting that guy, he's ...

There’s a local road in my town notorious for causing bicycle accidents.

Some call it a cycle path.

There was this one bike trail I took and I swear, at every turn it tried to kill me.

I hope I never see that crazy cycle path ever again.

Black tarmac and red tarmac at chatting at a bar

Black tarmac: No one messes with me.

Red tarmac: Yeah? How come?

Black tarmac: I'm black tarmac, I'm the toughest tarmac, tougher than any other

Green tarmac walks in, and black tarmac cowers behind red tarmac as green tarmac orders a drink, drinks it and leaves.

Black ta...

Where does a murderer ride his bike?

A cycle path.

Why did the crazy man ask the cyclist to run him over ?

Because he’s a cycle path.

I have a fetish for bikes riding on top of me

I guess I'm a cycle path

My friend is crazy, he’s constantly riding his bike on a bicycle trail.

He’s a psychopath on a cycle path.

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The M1 walks into a bar

[Americans, the M1 is a big road]

The M1 walked into a bar. He goes to the barman and says "Give me a pint". He gets his drink and starts angrily drinking.

In walks the A9. The A9 tries to order a pint. The M1 begins shouting "OI, fuck off. Who do you think you are? I'm the M1, the bi...

2 slabs of concrete walk into a bar..

They sit down and start discussing how tough they are, until the barman asks what they want.

Concrete 1: I'll have a pint, and a shot of tequila, because I'm hard! I'm tough and can handle anything!

So the barman gets his drinks and asks the second.

Concrete 2: me? I'll have 2 p...

Two pieces or tarmac are in a bar arguing about who's the hardest

A red piece of tarmac then enters the bar and the two other pieces shut right up and start minding their own business. After the bartender serves the red piece of tarmac a drink and it takes a seat he turns to the other two and asks "what was up with you two? I thought you were supposed to be dead h...

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A tough piece of back tarmac is having a pint at the bar.

The bartender notices a muscled red piece of tarmac enter the bar, and asks the black piece if he could take him in a fight.

'Of course mate, he's a fucking bus lane.'

A little while later, a blue piece of tarmac enters the bar. The bartender again asks if the black piece could beat hi...

My Cyclist Friend Was A Decent Guy

Until he turned into a cycle path.

Two pieces of Black Tarmac are chatting in the pub.

One says to the other "I'm the hardest piece of tarmac in here I could take anyone on".
Just as he's saying this a Red piece of tarmac enters the pub.
The Black piece shuts up and hides under the table.
The other black piece of tarmac says "what's up with you" and he replies "I might be ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Glaswegian joke that can be applied anywhere.

Three pieces of tarmac (asphalt for Americans) are in the pub at the end of the day.
One says, "I'm on the Great Western Road. You wouldn't believe what I have to go through every day! Cars, endless traffic, congestion, it'll make you pure mental!"
The next one says, "You think you're in a bad...

A man walks into a bar with a piece of green tarmac on his head...

The landlord says to the rest of the customers:

"Don't talk to him! He's a **cycle path**!"

Ba Dum Tss!

So a green piece of road walks into the bar...

So a green piece of road walks into the bar... It goes up to the bar and orders a drink, then takes it to a table where two traffic lights are playing a game of cards. The traffic lights take one look at the road and run out! Later the bartender finds them cowering behind the bins outside:

"W...

Some black tarmac and red tarmac are having a pint in the pub...

Some black tarmac and red tarmac are having a pint in the pub

The black tarmac says: "Did you know I’m the hardest tarmac in Britain? I do major road surfaces, car parks, runways, you name it, I’m hard"

Suddenly the door opens and the green tarmac walks in.

The black tarmac brea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The M4 motorway walks into a bar...

The M4 motorway walks into a bar.

"Oi, barman, I'm the M4 motorway. 500,000 cars drive over me every day, I'm hard as nails. Get me a drink" he orders.

The barman, rather surprised that a talking motorway has walked into his bar, pours him a whisky and he sits down at the table.
<...

A black piece of tarmac is having a quiet drink at the pub...

...when the door bursts open and a red piece of tarmac comes storming in loud and aggressively.

The piece of black tarmac turns to the barman anxiously: *"Don't even think about serving him!"*

*"Why not?"*, the barman asks.

*"Isn't it obvious? He's a freaking cycle path!"*

A Bar for Roads

There was once a bar in the UK for roads, they would gather and talk about all the vehicles and traffic they had each day.

In walked the M1, the M5 and the M6, three of Britain's biggest roads, they sat and boasted to each other about how busy they were. The other roads enjoyed listening to t...

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