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Current Event Jokes

What do you call a lycanthrope who stays informed about politics & current events?

An Awarewolf

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gold one

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whisp...

A group of people gather in the Caribbean just so they can discuss current events...

It's like they're on a Topical Island

What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?

A topical rainforest.

Why should oceanographers be the Ones that report the news?

They’re always on top of current events!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Need to write some current event jokes for a show, need help! Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

Three of a kind

Coral turns white when it gets stressed. What could coral be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Eletrical engineers make mistakes when they get stressed. What could an eletrical engineer be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Berry farmers are seeing a drop in productivity du...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid shows up to class with $2,467...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Suzie led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the custo...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

If corals get stressed they die.

What do corals even get stressed about?

Current events.

Recently, Scientists have shown that Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

It’s true. Current events have made it less attractive.

Why are sea shanties so popular right now?

They’re about current events.

What’s electricity’s favorite topic?

Current events

Instead of watching the news, my friend goes body surfing at the beach every morning.

She says it keeps her abreast of current events.

A man is explaining the concepts of time travel.

He speaks of how you must not manipulate what happened before, because that is how the current events occurred. However, it may be possible to change what will happen, due to quantum uncertainty.

In summary, he passed the past, presented the present and featured the future.

Why do sea creatures read the news?

To keep up with current events!

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

What news does an underwater welder pay the most attention to?

Current events.

What goes "clop clop bang bang clop clop?"

Amish drive-by.

*An old groaner brought to mind by [current events](http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/guns/horse-pulling-amish-buggy-shot-dead-pennsylvania-drive). As always, I'm so very sorry.*

The problem majoring in Electrical Engineering...

is keeping up with Current Events.

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