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Confessing Jokes

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!"


Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at ...

A man was in the confession booth confessing his sins to the priest…

And he said “father, I must confess, I almost cheated on my wife.”

The priest said “What do you mean, you *almost* cheated on your wife?”

The man explained, “father, I was in bed with another woman, we got naked together but I we only rubbed against each other, I didn’t actually put i...

The opposite of professing is confessing.

But the opposite of a profession is not a confession.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police tricked an anal rapist into confessing.

They caught him hook, line, and sphincter.

Dad’s confessing

Dad: In Iraq, I killed 15 people...

Son: But you were a helicopter mechanic...

Dad: Never said I was a good one...

A priest is confessing some nuns...

They're all in line before the confessional.
The first nun goes in and the priest asks: "What sins do you want to confess?".
"Well, father, I slept with that new young priest", she says.
"Oh, this is bad, my dear. And what did you do with him?", he inquires.
"I gave him a handjob with my...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are standing at the pearly gates...

St. Peter tells them, "As you all know God has a sense of humor and his latest idea is to put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates."
"How is that supposed to be funny?" one guy asks.
"Well, God had the novel idea of allowing those admitted into Heaven a vehicle to...

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