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Cheating Husband Jokes

A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs ...

What do you call a cheating husband?

A penetraitor.

An English woman finds out her husband is cheating on her

She is distraught, fueled by anger - so much so that she decides the only course of action is to have him killed. In her grief, she contacts and old friend who works amongst the criminal underbelly of London. He recommends she seek out a specific hitman, known in the business as Big Artie. He is eff...

A cheating husband

A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically...

Cheating Husband

A woman who suspects her husband of 20 years to be cheating, decides to hire a private detective.

The PI follows the husband around for several months, taking photos while the husband visits many different women.

After another couple of months, the PI stops by the house to speak to the...

What do a construction worker and a cheating husband have in common?

They are both home wreckers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blonde woman's cheating husband

A woman suspects her husband is cheating, and after a few weeks, she decides to purchase a gun and try to catch him in the act. One day, she comes home unannounced and actually catches him in bed with a brunette woman. The blonde immediately pulls out her gun, shoots the brunette, and turns the gun ...

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A woman finds out about her cheating husband......

....from her friends on a night out, so,
full of wine, bitterness and anger, her friends send her home in a taxi, she arrives home wanting revenge on this cheating shit,
grabbing a sharp knife from the kitchen, she heads for the bedroom,
there he is, fast asleep, she slowly pulls the cover...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cheating husband (long joke), NSFW

A cheating husband is caught by his wife. She goes crazy and cuts his dick off. It cannot be re-attached. They divorce and years go by. The guy's doctor tells him about an experimental procedure where they make a prosthetic out of an elephant's trunk. The guy agrees to have the procedure done. ...

How does a female deer get revenge on her cheating husband?

She goes into town and blows a few bucks!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman comes home early from work to surprise her husband for his birthday.

She enters her house, walks up the stairs, and heads towards the direction of her bedroom. As she eagerly walks to her bedroom, her adrenaline was spiking, she was anticipating a very dirty night. She slowly opened the door and astonishingly, she saw two people on her bed covered with a blanket, wit...

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A woman discovers her husband has been cheating on her. She immediately hires a hitman to enact revenge...

Upon meeting the hitman she explains through her rage that she wants the hitman to shoot the woman with whom her husband was cheating in the head. Wanting her husband to suffer, she tells the hitman not to kill him, but to shoot him in his groin.

That evening, knowing her husband will be meet...

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How do you know if a lightbulb is a prostitute?

Its been screwed in and out by teams of scientists, skateboarders, narcissists, every one of the human races, Vietnam vets, Grateful Dead fans, computer scientists, Army Rangers, stoners, Yankee fans, dead babies, roaming hippies, alchoholics, cops, Comcast employees, Jedis, Dragonball-Z characters,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriends hot sister

A man who was very close to proposing to his girlfriend was on his way from work when he received a phone call from his girlfriend.
“Hey honey can you please meet at my sisters place for dinner tonight”?

The man agreed and drove over to his girlfriends sisters house. Now this wasn’t out o...

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