UPJOKE
eighteenthordinal19th14thcenturycenturies7theighth28thfairwayholedynasty17th16th15th

18th Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy gets a motorcycle for his 18th birthday

This boy just turned 18, and for his birthday his dad gave him his vintage Harley Davidson and a jar of vaseline. The dad told his son, "Always keep this vaseline on you, and if it ever starts to rain put it on the body of the bike to keep the coat shiny".

The boy is super excited and ride...

The US has placed 18th for math…

It sounds bad, I’m just glad we hit top ten.

An Italian father wants to give his son a gun for his 18th birthday

"As is tradition in Italy, I'm going to give you a gun for your 18th birthday." The father says.

"But I don't want a gun. What about a nice watch? I would really like a watch, like a Rolex or something." The son replies.

"Son..." The father sighs, "This is an Italian tradition. You're ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got a condom still unused from my 18th birthday, I'm 40...

Wish I'd used it because my kids are fucking annoying

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's my son's 18th birthday today

"All these presents are just for you!" I said

After ripping them open excitedly, he said "Dad, all these boxes are empty..."

"I know. Use them to pack your things and get the fuck out."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a brothel for his 18th birthday

His friends drive him up to a brothel and tell him that for his birthday he’s going to get his cherry popped by the best sex worker at the brothel. Before the birthday boy has his fun, one of his friends tells him to make sure to ask her to give him a “Penguin”. The birthday boy takes note of it. Th...

An unidentified man died falling from a night club that was on the 18th floor of a building.

The police recognized right away he was not a bouncer.

I got a picture of myself in a locket for my 18th birthday.

I am now independent

Husband: I have cheated once

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

A Major of the 18th battalion has been convicted in court

He didn't receive corporal punishment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition...

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round, he and his p...

Arnold Schwarzenegger announced today that he'll be starring in a new movie about a 18th century composer

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes a...

Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm

One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.

If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!

It is at Manchester...

A Girl Was About to Celebrate her 18th Birthday

The mother asked the girl what would she like as a gift.

As the girl was not materialistic, she said even a heartfelt message that will make her cry will suffice.

And the mother said "you're adopted".

an old joke that comes from the 18th centuary

The united states of America

This year was the 18th anniversary of 9/11.

Now 9/11 is finally old enough to die for its country.

There's an 18th century family

The children want to play horsey with their dad.

Child 1: All those in favor of father being the horse say Aye

Child 2: Aye

Child 1: Aye

Child 2: Father, what do you say?

Father: Neigh

Dad bought me an escort for my 18th birthday!

I was a little disappointed when she turned out to be old, smelled terrible and was filfthy. She definitely had a ton of experience but she was very rusty.

I asked Dad to get his money back, I don't like Fords.

On my 18th birthday my friend introduced me to his fit sister.

I was happy to meat her.

I was going to tell a joke about 18th century philosophers...

But I just Kant.

A divorced man was delighted when his daughter reached her 18th birthday

because it would be his final child support payment. Month after month, year after year he had paid, and now at last he would be free of the financial burden.

So he called his daughter over to his house and said: "I want you to take this last check to your mother’s house. You tell her this is...

I went back in time to meet a great classical composer of the 18th century but I couldn't meet him

He was out choping

So it was my 18th birthday the other day...

Maybe now I can help my dad find those cigarettes he's been looking for the last 12 years.

In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers

People stopped at nothing to avoid them

What did the 18th century German composer say when he needed to use the bathroom?

“I’ll be right Bach, I need to make a movement”

18th Century Arms Dealer Receives Concussion on First Day at Work

A burgeoning blunderbuss broker braved and bore the brunt of a bludgeoning to the brain.

Bob and Jim are on the 18th hole...

And as Bob is about to pitch for the green they notice a funeral procession heading down the road adjacent to the course. Bob stops mid swing, drops his club, removes his hat, bows his head and stands for a moment of silence. "That's very respectful of you, Bob." says Jim. Bob puts his hat back on, ...

What do Peter the Great and Vladimir Putin have in common?

They both lead Russia to the 18th century.

So a boy was born, and he was just a head. But his parents took this difficulty in their stride and raised him as well as they could. On the boy's 18th birthday, his father takes him down the pub for his first pint.

He takes the first sip, and out pops his body. Surprised, he takes a second sip, and out pop his arms. The whole pub is cheering him on now. His father has tears of joy streaming down his face. So the boy takes his final sip, and out pop his legs. The boy is so happy that he immediately jumps up ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dad with 3 daughters is preparing for his youngest daughter's 18th birthday

The dad being a cheap man every time one of his daughters turns 18 went to a baker that had a sale

"free cake and pie for girls turning 18"

The day after the party the dad asked his daughter about the pie, since he didn't see it anywhere, his daughter hadn't seen the pie either.
...

Why didn't 18th century composer George Frideric Handel go shopping while he lived in London?

Because he was Baroque.

A boy is born without a body

A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink.

The boy drinks his first beer and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, t...

My wife left me because of my obsession with golf

It’s ok


I figured our relationship was on the 18th hole

A 7 year old kid happily asks him mum

Kid: Mummy, why am I getting my Christmas present on 18th August?

Mum: Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy, son.

An Italian mobster gives his son a Beretta for his 18th birthday. "Carry it everywhere" he says as he hands it to him.

The next day, the son comes home without the gun, but is sporting a brand new Rolex on his wrist. The father asks him:

"Sona, where is the guna I gave you"

"I traded it ina for a Rolexa" says his son.

"YOU STUPIDA FOOLA!!" yells his dad "One day you will hopefully hava wifa. Ima...

My girlfriend made me watch a movie with her about how women struggled during their menstrual cycles in the 18th century.

It was a period piece

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the 18th century, a hopeful Asian laborer landed in America and went straight to the employment office.

He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.

It was a Thai.

Old Scottish joke I remembered that just became relevant again...

The head greenkeeper of St Andrews golf course was out inspecting the greens one morning when he spotted a golfer bending over the stream on the 18th, scooping up water with his hand and drinking it.

'Haw', he shouted, 'Ye shouldnae drink that watter, it's got coo's pish in it!'

The go...

Golf

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I've played so poorly all...

Art thieves pillaged a museum of European 17th and 18th century artwork. They smashed windows, stole paintings, destroyed exhibits, and even did a number on the light fixtures. Everything about the place is a mere ruin of what it was yesterday.

It's all baroque now.

Albert Einstein once said: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.

A man walks into a bar and asks for a job.

The owner asks him “What makes you think you’re qualified for a job here?”

The man replies: “Sir, when my father was young he killed a man named Bartholomew. His father, in his youth, also killed a man named Bartholomew. His father did the same, and his father, and his father, all the way to ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Our story begins with the domestication of the red jungle fowl in South-East Asia around 6000BC and the development of paved roads in ancient Mesopotamia around 4000BC. As trade routes spread westwards, the "chickens" were brought to Europe alongside spices, then spread along trade routes by the bur...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father gives his son a lucky duck

A young man is celebrating his 18th birthday, when his dad comes over and tells him. "Since it's your 18th birthday, and we don't have much money, I want to give you this lucky duck. Go out and have a good time"

The young man, is a little sad, but accepts the present. Being a virgin he wanted...

A man is driving through the desert when he notices a sign.

The sign reads "Turn here to speak to the native American with the most incredible memory"

Curious, the man takes the turning. He comes across the native American man standing at the side of the road.

He approaches him and gives his best "How!"

The native American replies "How!"...

I'm a good muslim

I had one drink of alcohol on my 18th birthday, and have been getting stoned since to repent.

A head goes in to a bar

A head goes in to a bar to celebrate his 18th birthday with his father who buys him his first beer. Several seconds later he grows a torso.

Bewildered by this amazing revelation his father encourages him to drink another beer, he downs it and he grows an arm!

A small group of punters h...

Two couples were golfing together

John shanked his tee shot on the 18th hole. Way way off the fairway, behind a barn. His buddy and his wife offered to open the barn doors so John could hit a worm burner directly through the building, saving a few shots. That went badly. John clanged his shot off the barn and it came back awkwardly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods goes to Japan

Tiger Woods goes to Japan for a golf tournament. The night before, he hires a prostitute. As they are having sex, the prostitute is shouting, "!Machigatta ana" Tiger doesn't know any Japanese, but he figures she is saying she is satisfied.

The next day at the tournament, on the 18th hole, Tig...

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

The boy who loved tractors

There was a young boy who lived on a farm, he absolutely loved tractors. All his toys were tractors, his bed was even in the shape of a tractor. Every day after school he would ride around the farm with his dad on the tractor. One day, whilst riding around with his dad the boy fell off the tractor a...

Spaghetti.

A man has an affaire with an italian woman, and gets her pregnant by accident.


Because the man didn't want to hurt his reputation or his marriage he made a deal with the woman. He would financially take care of the kid from birth to the baby's 18th birthday if she would move to Italy and ...

Sand trap

An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course.

He repeated several times that he really wanted ...

Don't look out these blonds at the supermarket

WARNING!!! SCAM ALERT!!!



You may find superhot blonds on Walmart. They used to hang out around the big 24 hr Supermarket car park. When you are putting your shopping away, they ask you for a lift to McDonalds. They are very convincing and very hot!

Once in your car the Blonde o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Golfer's Dilemma

You're playing in your club championship. The final round is just you and one other guy, match play. One the 18th tee you're up 1 with honors. You smack your drive straight down the middle; the best drive you've hit all day. Your opponent steps up and hooks one into the woods.



You do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old southern bells are having iced tea

They are reminiscing of their younger years on their wraparound porch of an 18th century plantation home.


The first lady recounts in a charming antebellum drawl: "You see these earrings? These 24k gold diamond earrings? My husband got me these on our 5th anniversary."


The seco...

An optimist lost his footing and fell off the top of a tall building

A man on the 18th floor saw it right as it happened. As the optimist was plunging towards certain death, the man calls out “hows it going?”, to which the optimist replied “so far, so good!”

What are 17 blondes doing in front of a club?

Waiting for the 18th because "No Entry Under 18".

A husband and wife are playing a round of golf..

On the 18th hole the husband slices his ball to the right and lands in front of a barn. The husband asks his wife to open up the barn door so he could hit it through the barn and onto the green. The husband then shanks his shot, which hits his wife in the head and immeidately kills her.

5 y...

here's a pretty good joke

so, once there was a boy and he was born with no body, no arms, and no legs. One night, on his 18th birthday, his dad took him down to a bar and got him a drink. The boy took a sip and out popped his body. His dad was flabbergasted and urged him to take another sip. The boy took another sip and, sur...

When I was a baby, my parents used to bath me in really cheap Australian lager...

It wasn't until my 18th birthday that they told me I'd been fostered.

A father has forbade his daughters from dating until they are 18.

On their 18th birthdays they of course all have dates. The father says "Your dates can pick you up, that way I can give 'em the once over". "Ok daddy" the 3 daughter's replied in unison. Later that night the first gentleman arrives, rings the doorbell, and the father answers the door with a shotg...

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ...

Birthday present

An alcoholic looked at his calendar and noticed it was almost his sons 18th birthday. Being a drunk, he did not see his son very often, but felt he had to give something to his son for this momentous occasion. Having blown all his money on booze, he had an idea...

Two days later his son got a...

Whose going to know?

There was a pastor at a local church who loved to golf, he would try to golf as much as possible whenever he could. He would always watch out for the weather to check if there were any days for golfing.

Now, it so happened that one of the days was the coming Sunday. So, the pastor called in s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam join each other for a game of golf

The game is going well and all 3 are pretty even. On the 16th hole, the Rabbi drops it into a water hazard.
“Oh God, Come on!” He says, but immediately asks for forgiveness.
On the 17th hole, the Iman lines up a drive but shanks it wildly.
“God damn it!!!” He exclaims, but quickly gets on h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It wouldn't have been as funny if it hadn't actually happened... [NSFW]

I worked in a store with very religious owners. This meant that the employees were careful with their speech, never swore, etc.


One day, my co-worker decides to tell me a dirty joke that she heard at the bar the night before. Here is the joke *as she would have heard it at the bar*:
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You're 18, it's time to get laid

A a boys 18th birthday his father gives him a $100 bill and tells him to go get a hooker. So young man leaves to go look for a hooker. After a few hours of driving around and finding nothing he likes he decides to visit his grandmother.
She asks what he is up too and he tells her. She says "I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather, father, and son are paired with a very attractive woman for a round of golf

The three are amazed to find that this woman is an amazing golfer. She outplays them on almost every hold, and come up to the 18th green at 1 over par with a 20ft Birdie putt. She tells the three guys

"Alright, this is the first time I've ever had a chance at shooting par. Whoever correctly h...

A Priest and a Rabbi Go Golfing...

A Priest and a Rabbi go golfing. On the first hole, the Rabbi swings and misses, yelling, "Goddammit, I missed!" The Priest chastises him in response, telling him "Don't say that, or else God will strike you down."

They go to the next hole, and the same thing happens. The Rabbi yells "Goddamm...

Stroke Play

A teenager, his father, and his grandfather play golf together every weekend. One day they get paired up with someone different. They ask who it is and the manager tells them, “you’ll find out on the first tee”.

The group gets to the first tee and finds the most beautiful woman they’ve ever s...

My son was born without arms or legs...

For his 18th birthday I carried him to the pub and bought him his first pint.

After holding the glass to his lips and watching him gulp it down, I was amazed to see arms sprout out of his torso!

Shocked, the bartender poured another pint and handed it over to my son, who picked up the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Practicing on the Old Oak Tree

On his 13th birthday, a boy says to his father, "Dad, I'm 13 now, and I think I'm old enough to be with a woman."

"Son, you're not ready yet, but I want you to practice everyday on the old oak tree in the yard. You'll be ready soon."

On his 16th birthday, the boy says to his father, "...

When does the narwhal bacon?

Not on January 18th.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and the Dragon

A vagabond in 18th century England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."

He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three racehorses and a racing dog are together after a day of racing.

The first horse says: "You guys won't believe what happed to me in the race today! I was taking my time at the race I was like 12th or 13th not caring too much. And then I suddenly felt a sting on my ass, I sprang forward and before I realized I fished the race 1st."


The second horse sa...

Mumbo gook

An American business man visits the middle east. He needs to buy oil from a prince there. So he arrives at the airport, and the prince picks him up in a limousine and is taking him back to his palace. On their way to the palace, the car gets fired bombed. The business man pulls the prince out of the...

Two priests, Fathers Mike and Dave, are playing golf

Mike had been having an awesome day, while Dave, on the other hand, had not. Every time he teed off he'd slice the ball and shout "Dangit! I missed! Dangit dangit dangit!" along with other profanities not fit for a priest.

Mike, being level-headed, advised Dave that he needed to calm down, it...

The Perfect Shot.

Jim stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked "What the hell is taking so long?" "My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony" Jim expl...

Tiger woods and the old caddy

Tiger was playing a round at Pebble Beach, his regular caddy was not available so an old-timer in the pro-shop offered to carry his bags. Tiger agreed and off they went.

Every time that Tiger hit a bad shot, the old caddy would say...

...when i was a young man, i would go for the gr...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are at the gates of heaven...

God lays out the rules. They each had 100 steps to climb, and each step would have a different joke. If they could reach the last step without laughing, they would be allowed access into heaven.

The brunette laughs at the 18th step, and is sent to hell.

The redhead does a bit better, a...

So a German father steps into a butcher shop

to provide food for his kid's 18th birthday party. They exchange pleasantries and the father asks for authentic german meats food for his son's party.

"That would be about ten euros per guest for a lavish traditional meal," the butcher says. The father, who is celebrating not only his son's c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A golfer was on vacation in Ireland

and while playing he made a hole in one. With that, a leprechaun jumps out from the trees and says, "I am the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole. I'll grant you any wish."

The player thought a bit and said, "Could you make my weenie a bit larger?"

Well, by the time he got to the 14th te...

[Long] There once was a homeless viking who sat in front of a bakery...

Every morning when the bakery opens, a sweet young woman would buy him a cup of coffee.

One day he wanted to find a way of repaying her kindness.

The bakery began a special promotion called "Cake of Chance".

Every day a random customer would receive a free slice of their special...

A Priest and a Golfer are playing Golf.

On the first hole, the priest gets a hole-in-one. The golfer, wanting to show up the priest, tries to get a hole in one too. He hits the ball. It goes and goes. But it stops right in front of the hole. "Damn it! I missed!" yells the golfer. "Sir, That sort of language is not tolerated! If you say th...

the importance of aim

so there were these twins who had grown up with a relatively religious christian upbringing. good kids, loved playing golf for fun. now, these twins tried acid in college and had super opposite reactions - one became atheistic and the other joined the clergy. however, as time passed they both still ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Room 67

So on a man’s 18th birthday, his father gave him $20 and a pack of condoms and said
“Go to the brothel and have some fun, son. But whatever you do, do not ask for room 67.”

The son agrees and goes to the brothel. The lady at the counter grinned at him and said
“Welcome to the brothel! W...

There were once three square kingdoms on different sides of a triangular river.

One night, the king of the first kingdom invited all the people of all three kingdoms over to the castle to celebrate his daughter’s 18th birthday. All the people of the kingdoms were enjoying themselves, until an argument between the three kings broke out between whose daughter was the most beautif...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, Steve is out playing golf with his three buddies on a beautiful Sunday afternoon...

On the 18th green, Steve is about to make his final put before they all go in and have some beers. Just before he hits the ball, however, the golfers see a funeral procession in the cemetery across the street. Steve stops what he's doing and takes his hat off, waiting for the procession to pass. His...

The last support payment

Today is my baby girl's 18th birthday. I be so glad that this be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get there, I say: "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Sisters From Another Mister

Its Little Johnny's 18th bday. He gets home and sees his mom baking a cake for him and cooking dinner. She says, "Happy birthday son" and gives him a hug and a kiss.
Dad comes home and says,. "Son go put on your best clothes because tonight you're going to become a man.Yep I'm taking you out t...

The French Army uniform

At an 18th century European peace conference, a French General struck up a conversation with a British General. The Frenchman asks the Brit, "Why is that your troops go into battle in those bright red coats? They seem awfully garish and opponents can see them coming from a mile away." "Well," says t...

Once, many many years ago, there was a fad among fast food restaurants

to put historical, sometimes military or industrial items in their front yards as a kind of attraction/plaything; an old howitzer or maybe even a train caboose that kids could inspect or climb on. Sometimes these unlikely things would be decorated with the characters or dishes of the food chain. For...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men were playing golf...

They're on the 18th hole and the first one says to the other "Hey man, I think I need to go back to the club house. I've never had to shit this bad in my life." The other one says "Come on, were almost done. You can wait for one more hole." The first guy says "No. I cant wait. I realllllllyyy have t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After being shipwrecked, Joe washed up on a tropical island...

The modernized local tribe soon found him, fed and clothed him, then took him to their chief. Conversing in fluent English, Joe and the chief took a liking to one another, and the chief soon offered Joe his beautiful daughter's hand in marriage. Having just been shipwrecked and being a shy virgin,...

One afternoon a man was out playing golf...

He is about to hit a difficult lie next to a pond. suddenly he hear "ribbit, 4 iron". He is alone, so has no clue who is talking. again "ribbit, 4 iron" He looks around and sees a frog looking at him. "ribbit, 4 iron" He says "well I think you are wrong, but what the hell. and hits the 4 iron...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ni Ka Sai!

An Important rep goes to Japan to meet potential customers.

he takes them out to a local golf course for a round of golf.

when they start off on the first hole, our Rep makes a huge miss and ends up on the 18th hole green. not only that its a Hole in one!

all the japanese custom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian, an American, and an Irish builder...

...are sitting on top of the (unfinished) 18th floor of the building they've been working on, eating their lunches.

The Australian man pulls out a vegemite sandwich, and he says to the other two, "If i get another vegemite sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building. I'm sick of ...

Have you heard about Terry the tractor lover?

He was the ultimate tractor enthusiast, his bedroom was plastered with tractor posters, his bed was adorned with a tractor bed spread, tractor toys littered the floor and tractor maintenance DVDs dominated his shelves.

Shortly after Terry's 18th birthday (where he of course had a tractor bir...

Golfer's Dilemma

You are playing in a golf tournament and to your astonishment you are actually winning as you reach the 18th hole. With a one stroke lead over your final opponent, who also happens to be playing the final hole with you, you step up to the tee and hit a perfect 300 yard shot dead center fairway. Your...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him...

... So he goes to the golf course to blow off some steam and meets a fellow golfer. After a couple rounds he starts to vent to him about his situation.

When the man finishes his story, the new found friend reveals that he is a hit man and charges $1000 bucks per kill. The man contemplates thi...

A priest decides to take a Sunday off

He feels a little guilty, but is sick of church, and tells himself that he deserves it. Just one Sunday off, what could it hurt? He arranges for a guest priest to give the service, and when Sunday comes, he goes golfing.

The priest gets to the golf course, and sets the ball on the tee. He li...

Three men are out golfing...

As they are waiting for their tee time, a young, very attractive woman approaches them.

"Do you mind if I join you three for a round of golf?"

"Absolutely!" the three men reply.

By the 18th hole, the woman has been doing very well, but needs to sink a 30 foot putt in order to ...

Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys wer...

Three men playing golf

There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th hole and Moses gets to tee-off first; he hits his ball into the water. Next up is Jesus, and he does the same as Moses, hits it right into the water. Next up is the old man and he hits it right into the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim and Bob go golfing...

They're on the 18th hole and the score is close. Bob tees off.
Bob hooks the ball way off to the left where it settles in the rough.
Then Jim tees off and his is a wild slice near some shrubs. They both wander off to find their balls but Jim's is furthest from the pin.

Jim finds his ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's these three guys coming out of the golf clubhouse on a Friday night.

The gentlemen see a lady shooting left-handed on the practice green nailing 20 foot putts like it was nothing, so the guys ask, "Hey do you want to play a quick round?"

The Lady replies, "Sorry fellas, I just finished playing, but if you come back tomorrow morning at 10:00am, we can play a ro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The round of her dreams (NSFW)

Jeff plays golf with his brother, his son, and his dad every Saturday. His brother has to back out one day and so they are asked if they would mind picking up a single player. They say it's fine. As they are stepping onto the first tee a gorgeous blonde walks out and says she's their 4th. As they ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Twelve Thank-You Notes of Christmas

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men go to the red light district...

An 18 year old boy, his father and his grandfather decide to have a men's night to celebrate the boy's 18th birthday.
After quite some drinks the grandfather boasts: "When I became your age I was taken to the hookers and made a real man!"
They agree that that would be a suitable way to end the...

Timmy loved tractors. His life was all about tractors.

Timmy loved tractors. His life was all about tractors. Tractor bedspread, tractor themed birthday parties, tractor t-shirts, school bags, lunchbox, everything Timmy owned was tractor themed in some way. He knew everything there was to know about tractors; big, small, new, old, he knew it all. When h...

John grew up on a farm

John grew up on a farm in a small town away from the hustle and bustle of the city. His whole life he has been a huge fan of tractors, his curtains and carpets had tractor patterns on, there were posters of John Deere's covering his walls, he even had his parents buy him a waffle maker that makes wa...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.