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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

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WW2: an Italian officer, an imperial Japanese officer and a German officer got captured

They all sit in a cell and wait to be interrogated by the Allies.
The German says: "My superior genetics will let me withstand every torture! I won't tell them anything!"
The Japanese says: "I will never dishonor my country and tell them our secrets!"
The Italian says: "I guess I'm fucked."...

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII...

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII. He was placed into a detention cell and soon a neatly uniformed SS officer comes to interrogate him.

“Vhere is your unit based?” asks the officer in accented English. But the soldier looks him dead in the eyes and says only “Tick t...

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An Indian tribe captured three men

The tribe told each of them to find 10 fruits of the same kind and if they don’t, they’ll kill them. The first guy comes back with 10 apples, and the tribe members told him to put all of them up his ass without making a sound, or they’ll kill him. After the second apple he screamed and they shot an...

A barbarian warrior is captured by the enemy

He was taken before the leader, and told that he had one opportunity for life: he must survive four trials by ordeal.

The first was to walk barefoot across a trench filled with hot coals.

The second, to drink a full quart of the most powerful spirit.

Third, he had to enter a ca...

3 explorers went exploring in the Amazon where they got captured by cannibals

The chief of the cannibal tribe informed them that they were all going to be eaten, and their skin used for canoes, but he let them choose how they were to die.

“I’d like to be shot in the head. Quick and painless” the first explorer said. He was shot, skinned, and eaten.

“I’d like t...

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3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them.

But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up ...

Jack, John and Peter was captured by tribesmen for trespassing their teritory.....

The tribe leader ordered the three guys: "Go in the forest and pick a fruit of your choice with ten pieces of it and then return here immediately"

after a couple of minutes Jack returned carrying 10 apples

Tribe leader: "here's what we will do... we will shove that 10 apples to your as...

An English soldier is captured by the French and is sentenced to execution

Unfortunately for him, screaming “mercy” at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.

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A jungle explorer is captured by natives

and is brought before the tribal chief.

"Trespassing in our jungle is punishable by death." says the the chief, "We can kill you right now quickly and painlessly, or you can try and survive a test of courage and win your freedom."

"What's the test of courage?" Asks the explorer.
...

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An Englishman and an American are trekking through the jungle when they’re captured by a fierce tribe of cannibals.

The leader of the cannibals tells the duo he and his tribe will eat them unless they go into the jungle and collect 100 pieces of fruit in an hour. The American and the Englishman agree and they each go into the woods. The Englishman is the first to return, carrying a 100 berries in his arms.
...

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

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A cowboy was captured by a tribe of Indians...

In the morning he was brought before their chief, who said "You invade our land white man, and we going to kill you. But, it is our tribe's custom to grant the condemned three wishes, one each morning for three days, before we kill you at sundown on the third day. So, white man, what do you want ...

An Italian, American and Frenchman get captured

First they interrogate the Frenchman, he reveals everything in 20 minutes

Next the American goes, and lasts up to an hour until he spills the beans.

Finally the Italian goes, and after a whole day of torture, still says nothing.

Back in the cell, the American and Frenchman ask t...

Three men are walking through a jungle when they are captured by a tribe of cannibals.

The men are informed by the chief that they will be eaten, and their skins used for canoes. They are allowed to choose how they die, however. The first man opts for one of the cannibals to break his neck. The second man chooses to down a vial of cyanide. The third man, however, takes a fork from his...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Pole were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison.

However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."

The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer....

A French, English, and Italian are captured by Germans...

A French, English, and Italian are captured by Germans, who want to get information out of them. They tie their legs to a wooden chair and their hands behind it and have all the chairs lined up.

​

First, they go to the French man. Before they lay a single hit on them, he te...

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Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals.

The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten...

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An Airman, Sailor, Marine, and an Army Ranger end up on an island full of cannibals. They were captured, blindfolded, and sent to the cannibal chief.

Mobile, so formatting. Here's a few different iterations of the joke.

The chief says, "Well, gentlemen, unfortunately for you, we are going to build canoes out of your skin. However, because you all are warriors, I will grant you the option to choose how you will die."

A

The ...

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What did the jew say when he was captured by the nazis?

Au, Shwitz.

Al-Qaeda captured a new place to house their men...

It was a hostel takeover

There are 3 Spies that get captured.

One spy is French, one is German and the other is Italian. Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets. The captors throw the French spy back i...

The captured explorer...

There was once an intrepid explorer called Eric, he was wandering in a hitherto unknown part of Africa. One day in the jungle, his guides are ambushed and killed with poison darts. Eric is the only one taken alive and he is bound and gagged. They drag him back to their village and present him to the...

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A Marine, a Navy Sailor, and an Air Force Pilot are all captured by an ISIS Witch Doctor..

The Witch Doctor goes to each of the men and says "I will grant you all one wish, however at the end you will be killed and made a part of my tent."

The sailor is up first and says "I wish to see my girlfriend one last time" the witch doctor conjures the sailors girlfriend and they say goodby...

3 settlers are captured by Aztecs

The Aztecs said they could be free if they gathered 10 of the same fruit and then executed a task which would be revealed afterwards.

The first settler to come back brought 10 apples, and upon getting there learned that he had to shove all 10 of them up his bottom without making a facial expr...

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Three men are captured by cannibals

Three men are lost whilst navigating the Amazon rainforest. They are eventually trapped by a tribe of cannibals, when one of them manages to barter a deal with the chief.

The chief decides that if each man can complete a set of three tasks he sets, the tribe will show them the way back to the...

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazonas...

They are tied to a big wooden pole in the middle of the village. The leader of the tribe walks up to the first explorer and states with a deep voice:

"Wagga-Dagga or die."

The first explorer, not wanting to die, quickly chooses Wagga-Dagga. Hearing the first explorers answer, all the m...

The Lone Ranger was captured by Indians...

And was about to be put to death. The Chief spoke, "Since you are about to die, I'll grant you a wish."

The Lone Ranger said, "I want to talk to my horse."

The Chief thought it was an odd request, but consented, and Silver was led around to the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispered ...

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[NSFW] An Englishman, a Belgian & a Frenchman are stranded on an island and captured by a local tribe

Now the tribe leader tells them he will let the ones live who can complete his two requests.


They all agree and await the leader’s first request. So the leader says: “You each must bring me 100 of a fruit of your choice. You must collect it on this island and bring it here within the nex...

I was captured and tortured by an mime

He did unspeakable things to me

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A cowboy is out riding on his trusty old stallion when he's captured by Native Americans

After he's taken back to their camp and tied up to a the natives leave to prepare for a ritual sacrifice, he whispers to his horse to go to the nearest town to get help. Now his horse is slightly deaf but he still takes off to save his master. Moments later, the horse returns with a beautiful blonde...

Three anthropologists get captured by a tribe of cannibals...

The chieftain proclaims to them: "You shall head out into the jungle, and each bring me a dozen pieces of any one fruit, or else we will eat you!"

The three head out. After an hour, the first one returns, carrying 12 Bananas. The chief looks at them with pleasure and says: "And now I want you...

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An old Jewish man is on his deathbed and he calls his wife over to him. "Esther, when we were childhood sweethearts during the war and were captured by the Nazis and put in the concentration camp, you were by my side."

"After the war, when we moved to England, got married and had to work 12 hours a day to pay for a single room, you were by my side."

"Later when my business collapsed and we were again left penniless, you were by my side."

"And now finally, as I prepare to die, you are again by my sid...

Two cannibals had captured and killed a clown.

They decided to make a laughing stock out of him.

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John and Tom are captured by an indigenous African tribe

They are brought to the chief who says: "If you not want dead, you bring me 100 fruits”

The two prisoners then go to the jungle in order to collect the fruits.

John soon finishes and brings a 100 cherries.
“Shove them in you ass without making sound.”, the chief ordered.

John...

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An Army officer, a Naval officer, and a Ranger are captured...

By a strange tribe, deep in the jungle. The people of the tribe confer briefly, and then the chief walks up to the Army officer. "We've decided to kill you," he began, "and make a canoe out of your skin. However, in deference to your rank, we have decided to allow you to choose the manner in whic...

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe...A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian. They are all taken in front of the chief. The chief is furious that they trespassed on the scared ancestral burial land but says they would have one chance to redeem themselves. Nex...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American get captured by a tribe of cannibals

The leader of the cannibals arrives, and says "Greetings, travelers. I'm sorry to tell you this, but since we have captured you, you must die. Furthermore, we must eat you, and make canoes out of your skins, in accordance with our traditions. However, we will be as humane as we can. We will allow yo...

After the war, an italian soldier is decorated for not giving informations to the enemy, while he was captured. When asked how did he managed, he said:

I had my hands tied.

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Three men are captured by a tribe on a island.

The tribe leader comes to them in their cells and says, "You have trespassed on our territory. Tomorrow, one of you must make a choice, death or Boho."
The next day, the tribe leader comes to the first guy and asks him, "Death or Boho?!"
The man replies, "I don't want to die, so I chose Boho....

A cowboy is captured by natives after a long battle.

The cowboy fought so valiantly that the natives decided to give him 3 final requests.

The cowboy is delighted and says for his first request, he wants to talk to his horse. He walks up to his horse, whispers something in his ear and the horse takes off running. A little while later he ret...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Irishman are captured by Isis.

The executioner lines the men in a row and says that each of them can have one final wish. He starts by asking the Irishman what his wish is.

"My wish is to have 1000 Irish tap dancers tapping during my execution."

"Granted." The executioner replied and then proceeded to ask the Scotsm...

A spy is captured by terrorists in a hostile country. [Long]

The terrorists lock him in a windowless room with a chair, a table, and five items on the table. The terrorist comes in and says that each day, the man may pick one of the items to be removed. On the last day, the terrorists will kill him with the remaining item. The spy looks at the table to see a ...

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Three missionaries are captured in the Amazon

Three explorers are captured by a remote tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and danc...

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An explorer gets captured by an indigenous tribe.

The tribe's chief confronts the Explorer and explains, "we must harvest your skin so that we can make a canoe. For this, you may select a method of death."

The explorer thinks for a moment and asks for a fork.

Confused but interested the chief gets a fork and hands it to the explorer...

A German, American and a Mexican gey captured by a tribe

An American, Mexican and German get captured by a tribe.

The Tribemaster says to the German: "Choose what we shall put on your back before we start whipping you."

The German has decided: "Pour fresh beer all over me!"

So thats what they did, and whipped the German untill he died...

A plane full of republicans had been captured by al queda

They have posted a video online saying that unless the us government pays them ten million dollars, they will start returning them, one by one

A cowboy is captured by a Native American tribe.

The chief approaches the cowboy and tells him, "Your people have encroached upon our lands and killed our brothers, We may kill you in retribution. But we are generous. We will offer you one request per day for the next three days. Choose wisely. What is your first request?"

The cowboy thinks...

2 spies were captured by the goverment

They both sat in the interrogation room.

The first spy whispered to the second spy "Whatever you do.... Dont say a word..."

An officer came into the room and asked "what is your name?"

The second spy just looked down for a few seconds and said "jabbaracko"

The first sp...

During World War II, four men are captured by the German forces...

During World War II, four prisoners are captured and brought back to a German base, set to await the death penalty in their cells. The prisoners are a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman and an Englishman.

One morning, a German officer comes in and tells the prisoners, "You are to be lined up a...

Three men are on a desrted island and get captured by cannibals

The chief of the cannibals walks up to the first man and says,
"We will grind your bones and use them for forks! Do you have any last requests?"

The man says, "I would like the most delicious meal you can offer me."

The chief grants the man his request and grinds his bones into fork...

A German, a Hungarian and an Italian are captured by the Soviets on the Eastern Front...

The three men were held together in a tiny prison cell to await their fate. On the first day the guard came in and called to the German, "Come with me German, let's see what you know."

An hour later the German came back all bruised up. "They tortured me into telling them what I knew about the...

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Three men are captured by a tribe whilst adventuring

The tribe chief says to the three men; Bob, Dave and Jim that if they wish to live beyond the day they must go back into the jungle and return with 10 pieces of the same fruit otherwise they'll be skinned and turned into canoes for the tribe.

So off they go. Bob returns first with 10 plums. T...

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Three explores in Africa are captured by a local tribe...

They're taken to the tribal chief, who tells them that they have trespassed on sacred tribal lands and says, "For your punishment, you must choose death or bongo!"

Well, the first explorer thinks to himself "I don't know what bongo is, but it can't be worse than death". So he says "I choose b...

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Three men are captured by a tribe of cannibals...

The chief of the tribe said. "Gather 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first guy brought 10 grapes.
Then the chief said. "Insert those grapes into your asshole, if you successfully insert those 10 grapes, we will set you free. But if your face makes any expression. We will kill you."
...

4 guys go hunting to Amazon and get captured by natives

The leader comes forth and says "We'll put you in cages with a monkey for a year. Who has the most chimps will be set free." And off they go.

After a year, they visit the first guy who has two apes hiding shyly behind him. They move on a little unimpressed.

They visit the second guy ...

Three men are captured by canibals

The canibals say that they will be killed and their skin will be made into a canoe, and that they can choose how they die.

The first one jumps off a rock, the second one cuts his throat.
The third one takes a fork, starts stabing himself and yelling 'NO CANOE FOR YOU!"

A British Explorer is Captured by a Tribe in Africa

Whilst searching through the jungles of colonial Africa, a British explorer is captured by a gang of savages. They tie him up and take him to their local village, where they tie him to a stake and prepare to cook and eat him.

As the firewood is being placed around his feet, the tribe leader a...

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals.

The chief cannibal comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, put you in a pot, cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take zee sword."
...

Three soldiers are captured when their plane goes down...

Three soldiers are captured when their plane goes down behind enemy lines. They are taken to the enemy's headquarters and informed that the POW camp is full so they will be executed immediately, by firing squad. They are taken out to an open space and sat down. Then, one by one, they are to be lined...

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An old cowboy was captured by some Indians and was taken to the chief.

The chief said, "For trespassing on our sacred land you will be put to death in 3 days, but at the morning of each day I will grant you one request."

Two young men from the tribe woke him up early the first morning and asked him what his first request is.

"Just let me talk to my horse,...

Three soldiers are captured by the enemy army and are due to be shot

There's one Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.

The Englishman is brought out first, and the firing squad takes aim. . .

Suddenly, the Englishman points behind the squad and yells "SANDSTORM!!!" the firing squad turn around to look and the Englishman jumps over the wall and runs aw...

Three men survive a plane crash in the jungle and were captured by a local tribe

This tribe were savages and found them as dangerous intruders. The cheif came and told the tribe to kill them.

The three men began begging and crying and the cheif decided to offer them a choice: "boolah boolah" or death.

The first guy says, "I dont know what boolah boolah is, but I do...

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Three adventurers are captured by a dangerous tribe in the jungle.

The tribe's chief tells the adventurers that they have the choice between death and the woulawoula.

The first one has to make his choice. In his head, he thinks: ''I don't know what is the woulawoula, but the choice is easy. I don't want to die. I have a family.'' So, he yells: ''I choose the...

A man is captured by pirates...

The pirates tell the man that they will throw him over the ship into the ocean but tell him he can have one last meal before he goes

He tells them he wants nothing but root beer, although confused, the pirates grant him his one last request

The man drinks the root beer until he feels f...

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A reporter, a foodie and a commando are captured by terrorists

The terrorist leader tells them that they each get one request.

The reporter says "Well I have been a proud reporter all my life. I would like to make a video and report the situation one last time before I die"

Terrorist says "OK" and allows him to make the report.

Then he asks...

The President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!”

This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout 'Mickey Mouse'?”

Blushing, the agent replies, “I got ne...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch

The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"

The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*Poof!* the brunette disappears.


The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*Poof!* the redhead...

3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...

the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as mu...

A local tribe captured three men hiking in their forest

The leader told them that they will only let them go if they bring him 10 pieces of the tastiest fruit they can find.

The first guy came back with 10 pieces of banana.

The leader told him that he will sodomize him with those 10 bananas. If he scream, cry, or laugh, he will be sentence...

So a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals...

So a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The chieftain has them bound and brought to the village square, where he announces their fate. "For trespassing on our land," he says, "you will all be sentenced to death! You will be killed, skinned, eaten, and have your hides tann...

During WW2 a British pilot is captured by the Germans and sent to a POW camp.

While there he developes an infection in his leg and the camp doctor tells him that they have to amputate.

"I have a request," says the pilot, "could you please cremate the limb and sprinkle the ashes over my beloved home land the next time your boys do a flyover?"

"We can do that." sa...

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Three men are captured by cannibals..

Three men are trekking through the Amazon when they are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The cannibal chief tells them that he will let them live if they can complete a series of tasks. The, men, astounded, quickly agree.

The chief tells them that the first task is to go into the jungle and...

Three guys are captured while on safari

They are taken to the village elder who knows English. The elder tells them, "There are only two choices open to you, Momba or death!"

The first man says, "I choose Momba."

The chief tells "MOMBA!!!" and the men in the village tie him down, line up, and anally rape the man. When done ...

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Three men are captured by a cannibal tribe

They are taken before the tribe leader, who tells them that they are to perform a trial, and if they succeed, they will not be eaten. All three are sent into the jungle with two tribesmen to pick a food item, then return to camp.

The first one returns with an apple. He is told that if he ca...

Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...

Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other ...

Notorious hitman finally captured!

Convicted hit man Jimmy 'Two-Shoes' McClarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knickknack paddy-whack

An Irishman, American, and an Italian Get Captured By Cannibals, and are granted each a last wish.

American asks for a Beer, get his beer drinks it they kill him, eat him turn his skin into a canoe.
Italian asks for a Pizza, gets his pizza eats it and also gets eaten and turned into a canoe.
Irishman asks for a fork. Bewildered as they never had this request before gladly provided this ma...

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an Italian have all been captured by the KGB

The KGB grab the Frenchman and take him away to be tortured. He holds out for a few hours, but eventually he cracks and tells them everything.

Next they grab the Englishman. He too manages to hold out for a few hours, but then he can't take the pain any more and tells them what they want to ...

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A Frenchman, Englishman and a Scottish are captured by savages in the deepest jungle of the Amazonas...

Angry, the tribal leader tells them,

"You have trespassed our sacred grounds, and must be punished for it. One hundred times we shall hit each of you with our war clubs, but as traditions decree, all of you will be allowed a single small wish before the clubbing."

The Frenchman, being...

Cowboy is captured

A cowboy is captured by a group of Indians after a gunfight. Because he fought so valiantly, they decide to kill him in three days, and to give him one wish each day before he dies. On the first day, he wishes to speak to his horse. The Indians bring his horse to him, and he whispers in its ear. The...

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*LONG* 3 men went jungle tracking, got lost and captured by a tribe of cannibals.

3 men went jungle tracking, got lost and captured by a tribe of cannibals. They all pleaded with the tribe leader to let them go.

Since Christmas is around the corner, the tribe leader is in a good mood and promise to let them go if they can individually complete 2 task given by the tribe lea...

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Three men have been captured by a wild tribe

Three men: a richman, a gay and a jew, have been captured by a wild tribe.

The headman of the tribe said: "We will let out those of you who will either eat 10 kg of salt, let us fuck his ass or pay us $1m. Otherwise we're going to eat you."

The richman said" "Fuck that shit, take my ...

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Three adventurers get stranded in a forest and are captured by a tribe

The tribe leader tells them to obey his orders or be executed. The first and second agree, the third refuses and is killed.
The leader tells both of them to collect 100 fruits and bring them back to their tribe. The first one picks up a branch of grapes and comes back fairly quickly. The tribe le...

There were two cannibals who captured a man.

There were two cannibals who captured a man. They decided it would be fair if they started eating from opposite ends. After a few minutes, the one who started at the head asked the other one, "How's it going down there?" And the other one replies, "I'm having a ball!"

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A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are captured by cannibals.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are captured by cannibals. They are told that all three of them will die before the day is out. Their bones will be shaped into tools and weapons, their teeth made into necklaces, their skin sewn together to make canoes, and certain more intimate regions o...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a New Yorker...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker are flying in a plane over the deep jungles of South America. The plane crashes in the jungle and the three men are captured by pygmy cannibals. The cannibal chief says, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is we're going to boil you, eat you, and...

A Russian, Trump and a Mexican are captured by an Amazonian tribe

They are condemned to 50 hits with a stick.
The Russian goes first.

After the Russian gets all 50 of his hits it's Trump's turn. Feeling bad they give him 1 request. Trump asks them to halve his beating.

After Trump was done they felt really bad for the Mexican. They gave him 2 re...

Three spies are captured in london

One is German, one is French and the other is italian. First they interrogate the German spy and after 3 hours of torture he talks and is thrown back into the cell with the others. Then the French spy is interrogated, and after about 8 hours of torture they get him to talk and throw him back with th...

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An American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man are traveling in Africa when they are captured by a fierce tribe of headhunters.

The witch doctor says to them, "We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in knowing that we don't believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of you body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of you hair, we will render your bones for glue and we will tan you...

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Three Men are Captured by Female Savages!

They are told their dicks would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs.

The first was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off.

The second was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.

The third man started laughing. The females asked what was so funny, and he replied, "...

The Captured Allies

In the final years of the Great War, a Brit, Italian and a Frenchman were captured by the enemy.

So, the Brit was brought up to the pole and has his hands tied around it. The firing squad was told to aim, however the man exclaimed,

"Look, a tornado's behind you!"

While the firin...

One day a cowboy is riding in some tribal lands when he is captured by some natives...

He is thrown down on the ground before the chief, who looks at him with disgust and says, "These are our lands, for trespassing you must be sentenced to death. You can have one wish granted before we sacrifice you, what do you wish?"

The cowboy replies, "I'd like to speak with my horse."
<...

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A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those spiders doing?" she asked. "They’re mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on t...

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Three men are stranded on a remote island and get captured by cannibals

The chief tells the three men, "Tonight, you will be killed. However, you have one chance to save yourselves. Go now into the woods and gather ten of whatever fruit you find, then bring it back here." The three men go off into the woods. The first man returns some time later with 10 apples. The chie...

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3 stranded sailors are captured by cannibals...

The sailors are brought to the leader of the cannibal tribe. He tells them they must go into the jungle, get 10 of one thing, and bring it back.

All the sailors leave at the same time.

The first sailor to return brings 10 apples. The tribe leader looks at the sailor and tells him that...

Obi-Wan captured a Sith and bring him to Yoda.

Obi-Wan: Should I kill the Sith or let him go?

Yoda: Kill him...

\*Obi-Wan executes the Sith.\*

Yoda: ...you must not.

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Two boys, Nathaniel and Daniel, are captured by a madman.

Daniel is sent into a room with a one way window that only Daniel could see through. On the other side, he saw his friend, Nate, with the madman. Nate looked very frightened but if they've learned anything together during their years of friendship is that they'll always make it out of bad situations...

A Frenchman, an American, and a blond get captured by a group of terrorists

The terrorists explain that they will be generous and allow the prisoners to choose their own method of execution.

The Frenchman is up first. He says "I am French and wish to stick with my heritage! I choose the guillotine!" They set up a guillotine and SLAM goes the blade. His head falls in ...

Three explorers are captured by a local tribe.

Three explorers are captured by a local tribe. And the elder tells them we are going to kill you, skin you, and make canoes from your skin. But first we are going to give you a chance. Each of you may request one item from your supplies and we will give you a 1 hour head start before sending out ...

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Ben, John, and Jerry got captured by cannibals.

While exploring a jungle, Ben, John, and Jerry got captured by cannibals. The chief of the cannibals claimed that they shall eat them tomorrow, but will set them free if they past the test. The chief's daughter, however, fell in love with John at first sight, and decided to let him know what the tes...

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While hiking in the Amazon jungle, 3 guys were attacked by a huge pack of natives that captured them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they found themselves at the feet of the leader of the tribe. The chief then said "You white people have trespassed out sacred land, a crime punishable by death. Yet, all of your lives may be spared if you can find ten fruits of the same type and bring them back to me."
So the ...

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3 cowboys get captured by a group of indians...

They take them back to their camp. The chief says to them

"We are going to to scalp you and use your skin for a canoe. However, before you die we will grant you one wish as long as its not a weapon and not an escape"

The first cowboy thinks a moment before responding

"I would li...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are walking through the jungle when they are captured by cannibals.

They are brought before the cannibal chief. He says, 'I have some good news, and some bad news. Bad news is when you are dead, we are going to eat you, use your bones for tools and make canoes out of your skin. Good news is that you choose how you die.'
The Englishman asked for a sword, said 'Go...

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A Brit, a Frenchie, and a redneck are captured by savages on an island.....

The savages tell them, "we are going to kill you and use your skin to make canoes. However, before we kill you, you may have one last request"

The brit goes first, "I'd like some poison please." He gets the poison, shouts "God save the queen" drinks it and dies.

The Frenchie goes next,...

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Three stereotypical ethnically diverse explorers are captured by cannibals..

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are out exploring the rainforest but are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them their fate which is to eventually be killed, eaten and their skins turned into canoes. The cannibals, not wishing to appear uncivilised in all this offer each of their captive...

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Three men are captured by a group of terrorists, and are to be tortured.

They shout at the first man, demanding to know what his job was before he was captured.
"I was a butcher!" He says. The terrorists get a meat cleaver, and hack his dick off with it.

They shout at the second man, demanding to know what his job was before he was captured.
"I was a plumber...

There's this British RAF pilot in WW2, and he's been captured by the Germans....

the Krauts have him tied up and they're interrogating him.

"Tell us about your seekret plans, or vee vill cut off your leg!"

The Pilot, dashing and resolute, refuses, but before they cut off his leg, he asks them to please drop it over England on their next bombing raid, so it can rest...

Cowboy captured by Indians

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You are going to die. But we feel sorry for you, so we will give you one wish a day for three days, on sundown of the third day, you die. What is your first wish?"

The cowboy...

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The old west..A cowboy was captured by Indians.

The chief of the tribe ruled against the cowboy for killing a member of the tribe. The chief states "You're granted a last request"
The cowboy responds "Let me send my horse out and kill me when he returns"
Chief signals for the horse and the cowboy whispered into its ear. The horse runs off.<...

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Three men are hunting off the coast of Africa when they get captured by cannibals..

They tell the men, we will use your bones for our weapons and your skin for out canoes... Choose how you would like to die...

Man one replies.. Give me a gun and proceeds to shoot himself in the head

Man two says: "give me a sword" and stabs himself through the stomach and dies with ho...

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan.

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan. Their captors take them to a mine field and tell them that if they can escape to the checkpoint on the other side, they are free to go. To do so they offer them each whatever transport they want to cr...

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X-men get captured.

Wolverine, Cyclops, and Magneto are captured by Mr. Sinister. As they regain consciousness they realize they are naked with their testicles in a vibranium clamp hanging from a vibranium chain that is slowly being lifted to the ceiling. As they realize they are about to be painfully suspended only by...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are captured by cannibals.

The leader of the tribe comes up to them and says, "Even though you are about to killed, your deaths will not be in vain. Every part of your body will be used.

Your flesh will be eaten, for my people are hungry.

Your hair will be woven into clothing, for my people are naked.

You...

3 explorers are deep in the Amazon when they are captured and bound to stakes by a tribe of headhunters.

The great warrior chief walks up to the first man and asks, "death? or boogalu?" well, he doesn't want to die so he chooses boogalu and promptly gets raped by 100 natives. The chief then asks the second prisoner "death? or boogalu?" Though he can't stand the thought of it he also doesn't want to ...

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Three men get captured. (slightly long)

Three men (Bob Joel and Steve) go hiking on a tropic island where they get captured by cannibals.

The cannibal chief told the three men that if they can do two things they would be set free. If they couldn't they would be eaten.

The chief told the three men to go pick ten fruit of the...

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So three guys get captured by cannibals...

They are surrounded and hopelessly outnumbered. The chief cannibal tells them if they want to get out alive, first they must go into a grove and collect 12 of any fruit. They set off. The first guy comes back with apples. The cheif tells him, now you must insert all of them into your asshole without...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are captured by the enemy army

The army is on the move, keeping the prisoners in their forced march. They get to a river, but their raft has a large hole in it. In the war-torn field, there is nothing to fix the boat, so they decide to mend it with the bodies of the prisoners.

In a moment of mercy, the army general deci...

Captain Smith is an officer of the Union army.

One day, his unit gets overran by an overwhelming ambush by the Confederate army. He is captured and taken to a Confederate garrison where he is brought up to General Jones. To his surprise, he is greeted warmly and served a sumptuous lunch and aged bourbon by his captors.

"I'm sorry, Captain...

A classic one

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Swede are all captured and need to be killed by a firing squad.

The Englishman is the first to go up, and the countdown is given. “3... 2...”but before they can fire, the Englishman yells, “Avalanche!” and all of the firing squad is distracted and then the E...

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English man, French, American and a Russian are captured by hungry cannibals

English man, French, American and a Russian are captured by hungry cannibals. The chief comes out and speaks to the men, "We are cannibals so we will eat you all. But we are also humane cannibals so we will grant you one wish before we eat you."

English man is first, "I would like to have a n...

Jimmy Savile was once captured by the Scooby-Doo gang

He would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for meddlin' those kids!