Why did Calvin’s dad insist that Calvin play D&D?

It builds character

President Calvin Coolidge and his wife were being shown separately around an experimental farm

When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day."

Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by."

When the President came by the...

A true story that my history teacher told me

President Calvin Coolidge was famous for barely talking at all and not speaking to anyone. While campaigning, a woman encountered him on the street and excitedly said “Mr. President! My friend bet me $20 that I could get you to say three words!” Coolidge simply responded “You lose”

Yesterday, I applied to model for Calvin's

I hope they don't deKlein...

Calvin had a mean teacher.

So when he missed a deadline for an assignment, Calvin begged for an extension.

The teacher said, “No, I’m giving you a zero, Calvin.”

Calvin replied, “You are absolutely cold.”

Did you hear about the latest Calvin Klein Lawsuit?

Yeah - but it wasn't much of a suit. It was actually a brief case.

In awkward situations I'll sometimes break out my braille version of Calvin and Hobbes.

You know - comic relief.

A Calvinist dies and goes to Heaven

He sees two doors. One is labeled free will, and the other is predestination. He walks through the predestination door and an angel asks him why he was here. The Calvanist replies, "I saw this door and decided to walk through it." The angel replies, "You can't be here, you chose this."

Dejec...

A Calvinist dies and goes to heaven

A Calvinist dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives, he sees two lines to get in. One is labeled "Predestination" and one is labeled "Free Will". So, being a Calvinist, he goes to the back of the Predestination line and waits for his turn.

When he gets to the front of the line, the angel loo...

My son is going away to sleep away camp, and I was told to sew a label with his name on it on all his clothes.

...so rather than do all that I just changed his name to Calvin Klein.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my son may not be mine...

I knew her for a long time, but the real story starts when I was 17.

I was a geek, used watch sci fi shows, read stories and write about it in my spare time. I had no friends in school except for this one guy and his jerk friends who makes me do their homework, tells me where I can and can't ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My best friend said I'm overly analytical.

At least, I think he's my best friend. Judging by how he's been acting as of late though, I may in fact, be wrong. It's hard to imagine myself without him because, Jesus Christ, he's such a good guy. Honest and everything. But recently I get the impression that he's, I dunno, found people that are b...

What do you call a fashion designer that rejects everything?

Calvin Deklein.

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