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Calvin Jokes

Why did Calvin’s dad insist that Calvin play D&D?

It builds character

"What are your dogs names ?"

"Calvin and Klein"

"Like the underwear?"

"They are boxers."

President Calvin Coolidge and his wife were being shown separately around an experimental farm

When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day."

Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by."

When the President came by the...

I applied to model for Calvin's

I hope they don't deKlein

Calvin had a mean teacher.

So when he missed a deadline for an assignment, Calvin begged for an extension.

The teacher said, “No, I’m giving you a zero, Calvin.”

Calvin replied, “You are absolutely cold.”

Did you hear about the latest Calvin Klein Lawsuit?

Yeah - but it wasn't much of a suit. It was actually a brief case.

In awkward situations I'll sometimes break out my braille version of Calvin and Hobbes.

You know - comic relief.

A true story that my history teacher told me

President Calvin Coolidge was famous for barely talking at all and not speaking to anyone. While campaigning, a woman encountered him on the street and excitedly said “Mr. President! My friend bet me $20 that I could get you to say three words!” Coolidge simply responded “You lose”

What do you call a fashion designer that rejects everything?

Calvin Deklein.

A Calvinist dies and goes to heaven

A Calvinist dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives, he sees two lines to get in. One is labeled "Predestination" and one is labeled "Free Will". So, being a Calvinist, he goes to the back of the Predestination line and waits for his turn.

When he gets to the front of the line, the angel loo...

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